LIFE.

People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.

REASONS–

Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).

Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!

Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.

My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.

Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.

That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.

Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.

(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)

Meditation- fancy enough for you??

People hype so much about meditation in terms of taking a separate time for it, maintaining a posture, eyes closed etc. etc. that it’s almost impossible for them to comprehend that someone can be in a constant state of meditation without doing a specific set of actions and postures for maintaining that state. Meditation is all about deep breathing, clarity of thoughts, and mindfulness. If you are just obsessed with its trendy and fancy part, then you are just a ball of mess with a veil of spirituality over you, which will not serve you or anyone else in the long run.

Meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, soul connection to oneself- They all begin and stay inside of one’s mind.

Don’t fool yourself and others.

A Precious Soul.

A soul is sitting by your side

All they can feel is

your pain for their absence

and for you, their pride;

A want to embrace you,

their reeling grows strong,

for holding you in their arms tight;

The moment you feel weakness

The moment you feel any fear

The moment your heart aches for their presence

The moment your soul screams their name,

Feel in your heart without an iota of doubt

They never leave you alone in this fight,

They are always within you, and

They are sitting by your side.

Ideal Partner. Random #1

Be with someone who would never make you feel like a failure but also someone who would go miles with you for your success as well. Going miles with you have nothing to do with doing your part of the work, but moving along with you while you do it for yourself. Also, expect such a partner only if you are willing to be That Person for them as well.

It is said that ambitious people have only two options- A supportive partner or No partner at all, and I can’t agree more.

Quote: Resting is crucial

Something so general, still something that we all forget sometimes.

A proud daughter of a man of many skills ❤

A few people think that I am over-qualified whereas I still feel under-qualified, and it’s not because of any outsider; actually, my father was a highly-qualified scholar. He had 3 graduation degrees that were in science, arts, and law, each, n 3 post-grad degrees, in physics, english, and political-science, each. He also wanted to do post-grad in law, with me, but destiny had other plans and he succumbed to throat cancer, and thus, I also couldn’t carry on with my studies for the next one year. But then, I started with post-grad in political science as it was the only options left for me at that time and I was quite interested in it as well. After that, I am still studying, although I had a gap of one and half year in studies due to lockdown and changing areas of research.

Coming back to my father. He was studying law when he had 2 kids and was performing his official duties as well as he was doing job at that time. I mean, how could he manage everything so effortlessly. So much of hard-work on his part stayed unrecognized. He was too humble to believe and many people usually under-estimated him because of that, although those who actually knew him had a blind trust on him and his capabilities, and that’s what he actually deserved. Not to forget to mention, his level of knowledge, both static and current. Asked him about anything, he had the right answers most of the times, in the age when there was no internet, google, wikipedia.. Actually, he used to read 2-3 newspapers first thing in the morning, right after refreshing, Aaaaand books in the fields of novels, ayurveda, science n tech, astrology, etc. AND how can I not mention his talents?? He was really (I mean REALLY!!) good in cooking, sewing, carpentry in terms of repairing any furniture, sketching, gardening, playing musical instrument..in which sketching was truly exceptional as he could draw any still life object within 2-3 minutes with fast and light-strokes and all he needed was any paper and any kind of pencil..

Whole of my life I saw him doing things and asked myself where do you stand?? Yeah.. kind of inferiority complex I could have but instead, he proved to be an inspiration for me to always do and learn more and more.

Life is not forever, but the legacy you leave as a learner and doer is indefinite and forever.

Photography-Goodwill

Photography-Goodwill

Concerns.

Not concerned with where I would end

Everyone ends to dust only,

More concerned with what I would leave

Not everyone leaves behind wisdom, love, and abundant legacy.

MY FATHER 💜

You were not the shine,

You were the light

It’s your teachings and behaviour

That have guided me to choose the right

Whether in humanity, love, or fight,

You will always remain with me and inside of me,

With my every breath

I will keep missing

the smiling face

and beautiful presence of thee.

[HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL💜🤗😇]

(21st june, 2020)

Some quirky meanings..

-When you try to do Kamasutra but instead you need to do some kaam(work) according to her dictated sutra(scripture)- Lust turned into marriage

-Who else does HURRAY !! YE WALI BHI GYI, WO WALI BHI GYI.. ABB SHAYAD MERA EK-DEDH SAAL MEIN CHANCE LAGG JAYEGA..(THIS ONE GONE, THAT ONE GONE..PROBABLY I’LL HAVE A CHANCE WITH THEM NOW IN A YEAR OR AROUND)- Crushed Nuts

-BF should be BEST FRIEND, GF should be GREAT FRIEND..OKAY??- Best BF-GF

-As much as love, Covid was in the air, and 2020 made us all sick either way-2020 Diaries

-We all know that one person who can balance out the extremities very well while never being in the middle-Come On, You All Know Me 😉🤪

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(Written on 2nd March,2021)