This post is just to thank everyone here who stays patient with me. Sometimes, I cannot interact via comments because I feel shut down due to personal reasons n find it difficult to talk to anyone. Sometimes, you all have to deal with my negative posts involving anguish described in anger n rage. My family as well has to deal with my furious nature. Although, it has reduced drastically in comparison to the last year but still I feel that nobody else than me deserves to deal with those vibes. The darkness should stay with the person to whom it belongs and be released too in a healthy way. I find writing and painting as the mediums to release the negativity that engulfs me, from which I am unable to release it though Art as I can only paint good stuff. It’s only through writing that I can release my worst of dark emotions, and it’s really very important for me to release anger, otherwise I get sick physically as well (fever n low immunity). So, I just want to thank you all (including my family, whom I apologised for my behaviour) for being there in my lows as well, and not only in the times I write something good having some good vibes in it, full of love and beauty. 💜💖
I talked to my bua (paternal aunt) about it and she said,
“If he wanted you that much, he would have said it clearly directly and not through other’s accounts, and if you wanted him that much, you would have met him.“
That’s some serious mature advice. I am proud of her. Sad but still..that’s practical..
Whenever I really need some serious advice in which I need to be talked Out Of Emotions, I talk to her. I am still emotional, but thinking practically at the same time, and this time the credit goes to her only..
-When you try to do Kamasutra but instead you need to do some kaam(work) according to her dictated sutra(scripture)- Lust turned into marriage
-Who else does HURRAY !! YE WALI BHI GYI, WO WALI BHI GYI.. ABB SHAYAD MERA EK-DEDH SAAL MEIN CHANCE LAGG JAYEGA..(THIS ONE GONE, THAT ONE GONE..PROBABLY I’LL HAVE A CHANCE WITH THEM NOW IN A YEAR OR AROUND)- Crushed Nuts
-BF should be BEST FRIEND, GF should be GREAT FRIEND..OKAY??- Best BF-GF
-As much as love, Covid was in the air, and 2020 made us all sick either way-2020 Diaries
-We all know that one person who can balance out the extremities very well while never being in the middle-Come On, You All Know Me 😉🤪
(Written on 2nd March,2021)
They say “Date them all until one of them shows you he is serious”,
I say “Brozone them all until one of them shouts “I want to be your fucking husband !!”
*chaos versus clarity*
Crazy but it works 😜
Focussing on this crisp green
One notices a monochrome,
Sitting besides the same freshness
One’s soul feels truly at home- Preet
(Originally posted on 4th july, 21)
I want to give an advice to young women/girls who want to get married at some point in their life. Actually, there are many points that I want to discuss under this topic and you may also find many advices online as well as offline regarding marriage. But there is one point that I want to put some light on which is often ignored while considering a life partner.
If you are a woman who is ambitious, takes her own decisions, works her ass off, is a go-getter, and is a provider, in short, the one who has most of the qualities of an Alpha Female, you need to see the family structure of the man if you are interested in him for marriage or life partnership or relationship. I am saying this because I have seen this pattern a lot in society that when and if the females of the family in which a man has grown up, did not work in office, and were by nature-submissive, coy, and silent, that man is going to want the same from his life-partner sub-consciously. It doesn’t matter how much educated or modernised he became, the years (decades) of mental training he got from his family sub-consciously is not going to change even if he finds the otherwise for himself consciously. He would want you to be the same meek and coy woman. Your boundaries will be aggressive to him. Your desires and ambition will make him feel insecure and he would like to impose his dogmatic thinking upon you just like his family’s females were pressed upon and taught to abide by the thinking and orders of the men in his family. He cannot comprehend that you can Think and Do better than him. His insecurities will start acting up whenever you will point out at his flaws, even if done politely. He may even be envious of your work and power because he was conditioned in his psyche’s developmental stages that women are not the Alpha and are meant to be protected and guided only. He may point at your frankness as rudeness. For him, submissive silence is elegance and speaking your mind will be needed to be in a controlled manner according to his dictates.
There will be, most of the times, power struggle between you two because you are an Alpha female and he may feel powerless because of that, so he will try to over-power you to soothe his ill-conditioned mind, and then there might be fights, manipulation and even separation between you two.
What do you think-is it better not to engage with such a man or is it better to engage and then be forced to leave in the end?? Or you can be ultra-submissive just like his family’s females and give upon your own power and capabilities and ambition to soothe his fragile ego??
(PS: Don’t come here with your feminist or anti-feminist mentality regarding this post. It’s about a particular kind of a man. The propositions may be relative to patriarchy but I did not point out at that. This advice is solely for alpha females who also love with whole of their being, so, kindly, do not come with the contention that love is adjustment and all. Those are different topics. I intended to write exactly about a very small fraction of possibilities.)
Thank you for reading. 🙂
Birthdays are meant to be celebrated,
A few end up being mourned as well.
Originally posted on 11th june, 2020. I had written about a birthday being mourned because my bua (eldest paternal aunt) had died last year in April and on this day it’s her birthday. She will always be missed both in a happy and sad state of mind. Such a paradoxical feeling a birthday can bring. 💖💔
Let me tell you a funny story.. Yeah.. Now onwards, I am really gonna enjoy narcissists as funny fools and share their behavioural incidences here in the form of short incidental stories..(only those that I want to share)
So, it happened like this..
In the morning, my paternal aunt (covert narcissist) was doing her regular work in the bathroom’s washing basin. I knocked the door. I had to attend to the nature’s call (pee n poop), really urgently. I told her to give me a few minutes, it was urgent. She was like “I notice it daily. You come here to pee only when I am doing my work.” What she said I could not register in my mind for a few seconds n leave alone thinking about a reply to that non-sense.
It may sound very casual n funny to read but let me acquaint you with some facts.
Her important work daily at this time in the bathroom is of about one hour. Do you really think that someone cannot have nature’s call any time in this duration or can hold it long enough for her to complete her work.
Her so-called work in that duration is brushing, washing face, washing a handkerchief and filling six buckets of water that are rarely ever used but she has to fill them up and then drain them twice a day like it’s a fucking big deal. Not to forget to mention we already have two house tankies(tanks), a huge one for the bathroom n another one for the kitchen and a motor as well to fill those tankies. But well, she is obssessed with her daily not-so-important house chores like this just because they make her feel like she is doing something in the day. OCD+Self Sabotage(body+time+energy)+narcissism Narcissism because she thinks that her mechanical work is the most important and for whatever fixed time she wants to do whatsoever in the house, nobody, literally nobody, is allowed to enter that place or do anything even for a few minutes, even if it’s something like nature’s call, upon which one cannot have too much control.
Psycho?? No?? Don’t tell me otherwise.
And moreover, she said “you do this daily at this time. You try to spoil my work.” As far as I remember, it’s been only two-three incidences like this, that too, because now I have started getting up early in the morning. So, after having breakfast, one really may feel like peeing. No??
AAAAAND, in the end, comes the epic PITY-PARTY.. Like how can a narc stop herself from playing a victim in the end.. When I confronted her by saying “you really don’t get what you say?? Don’t you think you behaved mad n should consult a psychologist for counselling??” She was like “yes, I am mad. I am the only mad one. I have nobody as mine in the whole world. Who do I have by myself??” Here they go all of my efforts to comfort her physically n mentally in the dumping pit of her self-inflicted misery.
I really need to clap for the narcs the way they become a victim in the end anyhow. 👏👏👏👏👏
PS- She has never ever apologised me for anything any time she abused me mentally or said hurtful things that gave me emotional wounds healing till date, but I am the culprit for even existing. She even had a big problem with my sleep when I was a kid. She used to say “you suck my blood sleeping like this” whenever I was having a good sleep. Imagine this being said to a 7-8 years old kid on multiple occassions.
I hope that you be healthy and fine the soonest
I hope that you understand I am not your enemy
I hope that you stop hurting the other one
I hope that you can see the reality and stop judging me.
When you diagnose your family members medically and they think you have no idea about their condition, and then get diagnosed by a doctor and it turns out that whatever you told them was right.