LIFE.

People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.

REASONS

Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).

Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!

Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.

My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.

Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.

That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.

Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.

(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)

HARSH TRUTH.

People not wanting to educate themselves and doing any job, yet salivating over money more than the other people who want to work and are actually working, are not spiritual; they are just disguising their lame excuses and laziness under the fancy name of spirituality.

Harsh truth: “You are not spiritual, you are just immature lazy Sh*t full of darkness of misunderstanding of human motivations. I have never seen truly enlightened people being nozy about other people’s choices of lifestyle.”

Horoscope be lying constantly

My horoscope constantly saying, for days, that I would be let down by my partner today that might break my marriage. Thank Goodness, I have no partner.

Also, it is saying that I would go on a romantic trip today..

*sad tunes*

*loud noises in my mind*

*wtf*

*horoscope makers gone mad*

*horoscope is a scam*

*somebody kill me now*

*rolling eyes till hypothalamus*

Techie

Have you ever met ‘I know how to’ ass person about every single gadget the time they own it when the vendor tries to teach them how to use it?? 😂

Meet me. 😝

Commitment issues?

With me, people did not have commitment issues.. People had “you seem too good to be true, let me test and exhaust you” issues..

THAT GIRL

A girl loving and liking
only the dunken dough-nut, waffles and malt,
Knowing the nature of world odd and snide,
Found comfort in things that never came to halt,
Having a kind, gentle and childlike heart,
She remembered each action of others,
Having deep emotions and sentivity being her nature’s part,
In the era of liking for materialistic possessions,
She was fond of, an admirer of, art
Alpines, trees, snow-flakes, waters, jungles, birds,
animals not put in a cage or cart,
She loved the poetry of nature
Yet aiming, for her goals keenly, with a surreal dart.

She had the innocence to dream like cyndrella,
Waiting for her prince charming,
but she got many a fake of princes
that made her senses more alarming.
Unlike the story of romeo n juliet,
She loved yet did not get the same in return,
which made her emotions, deep in her psyche churn,
She already had the wounds of the past
but they made them even more burn.

There came the king,
There came the silent lover,
There came someone with an obsession,
There came someone with power,
Though they lied n tried,
showed her their gullible pride,
But always her inner voice became her guide.

‘You can’t mess with a girl like that’
was her love song for whole of her life,
All she wanted was to be, for once,
one’s best friend and lover,
not to take up her burdens,
but to stay present with her in her strife.

(16th Nov, 2019)

Quote of the day

Heartfelt Letter ❤

To a hater,

BEWARE !

The stability of my mind may kill you !

Everything you are trying to affect me, you are failing at it all !

With deep concern,

A person who gives no shit.

(A few hours later, you already have had a fit. 😂)

Aaaaand the fits of the psycho continue till date.. Get treated BITCH 🤣 (16th march,22)

(First published on 26th Jan, 2022)

Curse on yourself.

Your Jealousy will take you nowhere

but 3 feet down

under the ground,

With the heaviness of misery

on your cursed weak spirit

heavier than ten thousand pound.

(You are up for the biggest downfalls of your entire life. Keep being a jealous bitch. 👍

PS- A BITCH is gender neutral. I may be calling a male a Bitch because he is a Bitch in reality.)

(16th March,22)

WHY SHE HAS TO STAND TALL

Why she has to stand tall,

She has learnt it the hard way.

She knows no tireness,

She knows no emotions,

She knows no relations,

She knows no remorse,

is all they think or say.

They see the obvious no doubt,

She chooses to show this side,

How indignant she felt at their thoughts,

She mostly chose to hide.

The times she showed remorse,

It was swayed with jestly innuendo;

The times she showed any emotion,

It was numbed with somebody else’s illusive emo-crescendo;

The times she showed tireness,

She was deemed to not rest but grind;

The times she valued relations,

She only got disappointments and no one of her kind.

(22nd nov, 2019)

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