Archives 😛😏

Realized in 2019. I think I am comparatively too lenient now🤣, although it’d be great if someone can do at least one of them… 😝

LIFE.

People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.

REASONS

Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).

Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!

Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.

My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.

Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.

That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.

Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.

(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)

Strong Stamina

It all comes in waves;

you just have to know how to swim,

and most importantly,

to build stamina to swim

in its opposite direction !!

(23rd Sept, 2022)

Quote of the day

PC- Unknown

A friendly reminder to everyone. ❤💫

❤

Dearest Universe,

I know chaos keeps happening. Nothing new in that. Take your time, but bless me with the best; the best for my mind, body, and soul. I love the way you get me through everything. I trust you.

Yours sincerely,

A firm believer.

Meditation- fancy enough for you??

People hype so much about meditation in terms of taking a separate time for it, maintaining a posture, eyes closed etc. etc. that it’s almost impossible for them to comprehend that someone can be in a constant state of meditation without doing a specific set of actions and postures for maintaining that state. Meditation is all about deep breathing, clarity of thoughts, and mindfulness. If you are just obsessed with its trendy and fancy part, then you are just a ball of mess with a veil of spirituality over you, which will not serve you or anyone else in the long run.

Meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, soul connection to oneself- They all begin and stay inside of one’s mind.

Don’t fool yourself and others.

Isolation lover- A born loner.

PC- UNKNOWN.

One of my biggest problems n biggest blessings is that I never fit in, since my very childhood. I can be jovial n polite with all but I have never been involved in any group, be it in school, college or work; AND I love my life this way. I don’t feel like I am missing out on something by not getting involved with any kind of group, rather I feel good because I stay away from a lot of groupist biases, and mental and behavioural inhibitions.

Guzra hua waqt

Do pal mil jaye

agar wo guzra hua waqt,

humein samajh to aye,

usme rza kya thi,

aur sza kya thi..

A Distant Connection

This connection is pure,

now I am sure..

Never demanded

Unlike other soul sucking experiences,

Into my cup, you pour,

as I ever did to you;

with all the stumbles and disconnections in between;

sometimes it feels obscure,

sometimes it feels pure,

leaving either of us

Sometimes unbothered

Sometimes wanting for more.

Digital Art: Escaping through the loops

Digital Art by Preet
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