If I give off 50 kinds of vibes in 5 minutes, don’t question it; just feel entertained.
You put me in a different zone
A different feel..
Something to which I’ll always be unknown
My deepest desires
My deepest fears
My deepest self
Gets touched by you
And your words have the power over me
To cut me, give a wound or heal.
Don’t even look at what the low-vibing one is doing, once you see, you feel that energy, and then your own energy gets drained drastically, and then it becomes a trap. Pretentiousness cannot hide bad energy. I am guaranteeing you this.
It’s not good that you try to change other’s permanent decisions based on your own temporary feelings and emotions that keep on fluctuating; If you are doing this, you are just trying to control someone just because you lack in self-control.
You attract your own energy, nothing from the outside. If you do not know your worth, you attract people who consider you worthless. If you do not want something to work for you, you won’t get it. If you have some traits in your subconscious mind for a partner, every other kind of person will be repelled/removed from your life sooner or later. If you want to change yourself, you have to visualize that change in you. If you want to become something, you have to believe it in your whole being. That’s all law of attraction is. You attract your energy, your thoughts, your vibes, your aura to you.
Now, a few of you may think “I am a healer. Usually toxic people get attracted to me. I don’t think this is how law of attraction works. I never wanted that.”
My answer is your innate nature is that of a healer and toxic people need spiritual healing and your mind subconsciously desires somebody to heal, so, toxic people get attracted to you unknowingly. But you can save yourself by creating boundaries n by directing your energy to be more specific to heal yourself first or the innocent victims of toxic abusers or nobody at all particularly and by only teaching people how to heal themselves.
My problem is that I may tell you that I love you and then would like to stay alone but when I would like to be with you I won’t even say a thing.
Some people cannot handle good emotions at first and I am one of them. It’s because they never or barely got to experience love. So, it feels over-whelming when they get to experience it.
I can’t even explain how I think. Many live in and for experiences. I really don’t seek them. I don’t seek events to make memories about them. I don’t think that we are what we create or some experiences can create us (ok particularly me here). How I take experiences is purely the mental stimulators or catalysts for different thinking. As far as I remember nothing has changed me much. Those who know me now or at whatever period of time they might have known me may think that I have changed a lot. But that’s not true. They have only seen my behaviour for a short period of time n for a few events or so on but my basic nature has always been like this only.
I was always quiet in front of the outsiders (school, college, relatives functions, strangers etc.) and quiet in my own home maybe for eternity.. but.. whenever I wanted to socialise I was one hella fun person. I was always the one who organised family functions to the T (not the labour part, ok). I was always sporty whenever anyone came to the house (n got comfy in the family) to play a game or two. I made jokes whenever I observed something laugh-worthy in the surroundings. I was analysing situations, people’s behaviour and dynamics of different kinds right from my very childhood (like since the age of 6-7 years old). I always observed a lot. Like really.. I can very confidently say that I filter about 95-98% of things that I observe just because I find them quite useless including people who think that they can always sneak, tresspass, abuse n escape.. “Nope ! You didn’t. I did let you because you are not important at all.” If you think that I have become angrier, that too, is in my nature by birth, though the outlets have changed. I used to store it all or tended to flush off that energy by playing cricket for two hours daily in the evening (though with my brother n father only). It was really a good release of energy then. Now I feel like not storing any shit in my mind n release it all through words. If we talk about confidence. I always had a very good amount of self-confidence but I was always quiet about it because I was getting regular recognition about my capability through professors n results etc. Now I have to show it in other ways because of the wake of social media as in this era if you don’t verbalise or show your capabilities, then you are considered not to have them at all and those who are ept at showing off, become successful, though they might have half of your capabilities.
The point is.. I was always more or less similar..Not much has changed.. Neither my nature, nor my strength.. It’s just that those who have started to know different sides of me or my deeper layers, they think that I have changed a lot; they actually never knew me. Really.. Never..
Strangest thing about me: I do the things, I hate to do, the most. This one I still cannot understand why. Sooner or later, I end up doing things that I really hate.
Strongest point about me: I really, and by this I mean REALLY, I don’t give a fuck about who thinks what about me.
Weakest point about me: I won’t actualise something until I have done it to perfection, exactly the way I visualised it, and even after reaching that point I keep polishing it so that it can reach a point to my utmost satisfaction.
The best thing I find about my life: No matter how filthy situations, events or people I deal with, my bounce back game is strong AF, stronger than many, and I don’t mean it by the show off part, I mean it about things considered valuable.
“I love your energy.”
“Me too. That’s why I love to stay alone.”
Those who love sun
Don’t wish for the moon,
For the sun gives and gives only
The moon only shines bright
Reflecting the light given by the sun,
I love the real source of light, enlightenment and awakening,
Not that which only imitates
carrying only a fraction
Yet trying to reflect what’s not its own
Only grabbing attention.
(Originally posted on 14,october,2020.. I love all, the sun,the stars and the moon.)
I don’t need reasons to be happy, I need reasons to be sad or depressed and I never go on looking for those reasons. That’s why I avoid most people. I am a happy, productive and entertaining person basically but outside energy always (and I really mean ALWAYS) become a block or a shadow over my positive n optimistic personality, and then I cannot get rid of it for weeks or months. I have traumas that I still haven’t talked about to a single person on earth (literally nobody even if a few of you know many of my secrets, still there are some things I never tell anyone; neither family, or bestest of friends in the past or even a therapist) but I know really well how to give it my all to my future rather than sulking in the past. Attachments happen but I can easily get rid of it, basically being a detached person. Failures happen but I usually have 2-3 more plans after that. My life flows generally as I expect it to. But outside energy always happens to be a block or a shadow over my positives. If I keep any person away, he/she has directly or indirectly added blocks in my life. Why would anyone think that I’d like to invite the same kind of energy in my life again??? I really am not interested in Jumping in the mud or letting people throw it at me and then waste my time n energy in cleaning myself of it whereas the best option always is to look at it, ignore and avoid it and move forward. I don’t know how other people’s mind work, but if they don’t get this basic thing, then it’s completely their problem. I want to keep somebody close who can be equally positive, clear-minded and productive, provided I have not seen the otherwise in them in the past, although everybody can change into the former kind but probability is uncertain to me, and I avoid uncertainty now. I don’t want somebody to give me anything or to add anything to my life, be it happiness or love or anything materialistic. I just want AN EQUAL who knows how to take care of himself, can be happy on his own, manage well his possessions, be productive most of the time, love by heart n soul, has got rid of his past traumas or wounds and related defence mechanisms (although more or less those defences always stay there but it can be dealt with sensibly) and is very clear about what he wants from me, from himself, his career n life in general, so that we can thrive together rather than any of us being a burden on the other. PURE PARTNERSHIP, NEITHER OWNERSHIP NOR PARENT-CHILD DYNAMIC.