Intoxicating karmic pattern.

The universe will hurt you

over n over again

until you learn who can heal you

n who can intoxicate you further,

you will find the pain n pleasure of intoxication delicious,

until you smell

the healing flavour,

It’s upon you,

And only upon you,

Either to jump in the same pit

To know in the end

That it’s meant to be escaped,

Or get out of it

Once and forever;

what seems more in your concern is

Every time the stair you use to climb out of it

The same stair you leave

in that same dumping pit,

then jump in it and come out of it never.

Self-evaluate your reactions.

If anybody got offended by my last post, it only means that either they were finding pleasure and validation in my pain, which by any means is toxic, or they are over-analysing what I write. In both the cases, they need to find their mental balance and stop being overly reactionary.

The above-mentioned post.

PS- I am not giving any explanation about my behaviour here as I do not owe it to anyone for what I write. I am just trying to reflect on people’s reactivity so that they can heal on their own by self-evaluation.

Synchronicity.

Believe me,

The right one will value you and your love

At the right time.

Everybody else is just temporary.

Lightened off..

Not knowing

what’s on going

I know life wants me to keep enjoying

Every feeling

Every impulse I gain

Not wanting me to numb down

Needing me to love everything

Like, love, loss and pain

Stigmatic as I could be

About being so psychic

I know nothing like intuition now-a-days

Feeling free from that heavy load

I am stunned with the sensory relief

Though I am feeling everything

I am unburdened of intuitive grief.

Obssessive Compulsive Disorder, particularly of Perfectionism introduced.

Obssessive-Compulsive Disorder of Perfectionism is a real thing. Read the article in the link provided, you will get an insight into the issue.

/https://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-perfectionism/

First of all, your question must be what OCD is.

OCD is a psychological disorder, a very common one; both diagnostically (cases in millions) and otherwise.

It refers to Excessive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviours (compulsions). Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterised by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviours.

(Source: google)

People have OCD about different patterns, for example, cleanliness, orderliness, success, looks, a particular project (of which a broader and deeper OCD has to be looked into). Some people have it about losing others. Some go through it regarding perfectionism.

Now, let’s talk about the deep seated reasons behind it. The reasons vary from person to person but the common factor behind its preliminary invocation is the formulation of a pattern regarding something important to a person. For example, a person A wants to be a successful football player. He works really hard to get selected in his school football team. He is putting all the efforts into it. But just like any other thing, there is uncertainty of his selection which keeps him afraid of not being selected in the team. Whenever he started practicing, he had his ups and downs as usual, but meanwhile he started noticing that whenever he wore a particular pair of socks, he did hit the goal, at least more often than while wearing the other pairs of socks. With time, he began associating that pair of socks with his success in his game. Gradually it became a pattern in his mind. After that, he could not think of having the courage to wear any other pair of socks because of the fear of failure during play. Here, wearing that pair bacame a part of his OCD.

OCD is a pattern that arises out of deep fears, which even if the person recognizes within oneself, is, most of the times, unable to get rid of unless and until that fear gets eliminated from that person’s mind which is highly likely that it does not go away until the root or substance of that fear has gotten eliminated out of his/her life completely.

In the given article, the ways to tackle with the OCD of Perfectionism have been described well. Kindly read it at least once if you have a fear of failure or fear of what other people think about you or being any less than perfect in front of the others or yourself or fear of making mistakes in general.

Personally, I have had OCD of cleanliness, organisation, loss of people, perfectionism and that related to failure. I have gotten rid of four of them to a good extent and it happened when I faced those fears. I tried to not be too clean all the time. I tried to be messy for days. I lost people. But this fear of failure and perfectionism is something I still need to tackle with and heal. I am sharing about my own OCD because I want you to know that if one person can do it, others also can; also, if it can be tackled with in one sphere of life, it can be done so in other spheres as well.

I, mostly, used Cognitive Behavioural Therapy on myself. I know that it sounds strange but it can be done. You can talk to yourself. But I would prefer consulting a counsellor or psycho-therapist, whichever suits you because one cannot reach the right solutions on one’s own in psychological problems and is much more likely to fall into the abyss of chaos of thoughts rather than detangling that stuff and adopting a cause and effect approach rationally. I have gone for therapy also but that was for some other reasons years ago but due to that I can tell the difference.

In case you need to know how I did it, you may contact me. And, in case you have tackled with it, you are more than welcome to share your ways and story. It might help somebody. Like I am half there, it’s okay to be half there as well. Feel free to share.

Thanks. 🙂

FOUND WITHIN ME..

“Right in the middle of chaos,

When the eyes lose their dreams,

When the mind will be shattered,

When the soul will feel like flying away from your body,

When the blood will be cold,

When the sun will feel eclipsed,

When the winds will turn into storms,

When the hills will be melting,

When there will be no hope,

I’ll meet you there”, he said,

The one who wants to hold me tight,

And wants to win for me any fight,

with that selfless love,

My imaginary lover;

My darkness would haunt me with these thoughts

The thoughts of my past..

With a hope in my heart

To find hope and love in someone else forever.

There is no mess, storm and darkness,

My blood is free flowing,

My soul is pure,

I am my own cure,

My mind full of light and existence glowing;

I am glad that I found my love,

Within me, for me, forever. ❤

NOT AFRAID ANYMORE.. 🙂

Not afraid anymore,

About judgements,

About reputation,

About feeling too much,

About being feelingless,

About accepting and telling my truth,

About disappointing those who deserve to be disappointed,

About misunderstandings,

About my future,

About my telling my traumas,

About healing,

About failing,

About my weaknesses,

About showing my strength,

About standing up for myself,

About putting myself first,

About letting people go,

About throwing off negativity to its source,

About people,

About doing whatever the fuck I want to do,

Not Afraid Anymore.

Healing is not easy..

Healing is not easy, moving on is not easy. Your feelings can hit you anytime like a bull hitting you with his horns all out of a sudden. You feel drained again. You feel like fainting, like life should not exist anymore. You don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t even feel like thinking about it anymore but you realize a void suddenly. But it’s okay. You have gone through it before. You can pass through it once again. No darkness can exist for long when you have the capability to shine from within. Just like plants take time to grow, self-love requires time to heal those wounds; you have sown the seeds and are watering them daily, that’s enough for now. You don’t need to see the results right away. You just have to keep going, staying strong.