One’s silence to heal oneself should be digestible.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
5% past, 15%future,20%present,60% Sleeping having more nightmares than sweet dreams. 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think more about future than the past because you can make up your mind for the future but you can only open wounds ftom the past if you think too much about it. So, I think about the past when I have to remember a mistake of my own, so that I try my best not to repeat it and to remind myself of the lessons learnt from the past, whenever needed. About future, I day-dream about my future partner, future of my family, and what actions I need to take for my desired outcomes. Present the most because that’s where you actually take actions. Sleep most of all because my body and mind needs it. I just can’t get up.
People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.
REASONS–
Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).
Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!
Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.
My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.
Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.
That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.
Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.
(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)
People hype so much about meditation in terms of taking a separate time for it, maintaining a posture, eyes closed etc. etc. that it’s almost impossible for them to comprehend that someone can be in a constant state of meditation without doing a specific set of actions and postures for maintaining that state. Meditation is all about deep breathing, clarity of thoughts, and mindfulness. If you are just obsessed with its trendy and fancy part, then you are just a ball of mess with a veil of spirituality over you, which will not serve you or anyone else in the long run.
Meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, soul connection to oneself- They all begin and stay inside of one’s mind.
Don’t fool yourself and others.
Be with someone who would never make you feel like a failure but also someone who would go miles with you for your success as well. Going miles with you have nothing to do with doing your part of the work, but moving along with you while you do it for yourself. Also, expect such a partner only if you are willing to be That Person for them as well.
It is said that ambitious people have only two options- A supportive partner or No partner at all, and I can’t agree more.
Every small spig of plant is important to create a nest.
Every little piece of gravel is important to build a house.
Every little gesture of love is important to make a loving relationship.
Never underestimate the importance of little things in life..
I am
Getting into
N
O
Relationship
Ever.
They cry n create drama about wanting you to move on, but not with someone better than them; they revert back to you to enter your life whenever they get a hint about someone better’s interest in you.
What To Do?? Know your worth. Remember the deceptions of the past. Choose better always. Let that mental leech make a monster out of you for not dealing with that one’s manipulation and drama.
I Think For All 