Pioneer of my own life.

I cannot explain this enough

how much I hate to be defensive

And explain my actions

As well as inaction..

Assume whatever

But keep it to yourself;

This is for whosoever

I came or will come into interaction;

I repeat

I owe nobody any explanation

For what I do

Or feel the need to show it off,

Although I may do it in fraction,

But I do everything to my standards’ satisfaction,

I steer my life in my own way,

I know what I did, doing and will do,

I don’t need from anybody else a single direction.

Know the real deal.

It’s good to be co-operative,

But not that much that you turn your back towards your enemies or haters as an invitation to them to stab you,

Even if it’s just a filthy talk,

You never know who hates you and for what reasons,

thus once you notice any red flag,

I hope you don’t try to turn it into a white flag of peace,

Or try to be a dove in front of a hawk.

Self-evaluate your reactions.

If anybody got offended by my last post, it only means that either they were finding pleasure and validation in my pain, which by any means is toxic, or they are over-analysing what I write. In both the cases, they need to find their mental balance and stop being overly reactionary.

The above-mentioned post.

PS- I am not giving any explanation about my behaviour here as I do not owe it to anyone for what I write. I am just trying to reflect on people’s reactivity so that they can heal on their own by self-evaluation.

Connected to the spirit world.

Can you feel the vibes of souls??

Can you tell the difference between evil and angelic departed ones??

I can feel the difference.

I just cannot reach out to them (the good ones).

The bad ones are eerie AF and try to make you afraid with knocking and tapping the things around or it’s just sound created (I don’t know) whereas the good ones can make you smell the scent n music (such a good scent that you have never smelt, you will definitely know) while nothing as such(any frangrant or musical thing) is physically present, also they are calm and make you sleep as well and will never try to feel afraid, they have such a soothing effect on you.

If I talk about their visibility, they cannot be seen easily (of course), but just in case once in a lifetime you get to see both the types, which will happen only for a minute(tiny) fraction of a second, it’s more like the evil ones are rusty n bloody red in colour, have no facial features, you get creeped up instantly, they are so ugly, whereas you may see only a white hue cloud like entity when it’s a good soul. (Talking from experience)

If any of these kinds creep you up, then don’t think about them much as we attract what we think. It’s a real thing. I do not have hallucinations, it’s more like once or twice in a lifetime experience.

Ramblings to a soul.

Tears flow freely,

It’s the night when I can be weak truly,

Feeling like a zombie whole day,

I wish maybe just for a couple more years

I could make you stay…..

I don’t know why

Just when I almost did forgive

You gone away

Too far away..

Trust me I could feel your presence

You know that too

You made me feel that

But that’s not enough to do…

I wish I could turn the time n fate,

And adjust that particular time many years late.

Unshakeable commitment is my biggest need.

Just imagine,

You have met with an accident. Your face has gotten disfigured, body paralyzed, you cannot speak (or cannot speak well), mentally you have become abnormal, you are losing money(for sure) now, you are unable to do any job or business. Who is going to stay with you now?? Ever thought about it??

When people ask me what I am looking for in a partner??

My answer is, this kind of Unshakeable commitment beyond any superficiality or impressiveness; because I know that I will stand by my partner in such a condition without any kind of physical,mental, or emotional cheating; but I highly doubt that anyone else can or will do that for me in the same condition.

And, those who could not stand by my side while I have been still working perfectly fine physically, mentally, socially and financially, should have elimininated any possibility of a re-union with me by now; but their egoism is so high that they think that they can revert back any time as they would please to (what the fuck??).

It does not mean that other things do not matter, they do, to live life happily and peacefully, and for growing together but this is something that cannot be compromised.

Synchronicity.

Believe me,

The right one will value you and your love

At the right time.

Everybody else is just temporary.

Robbing the varacity of victim’s truth. Tactics of a narc-part-3

“You are not sounding good.”

“You are miserable.”

“You cannot live peacefully.”

“You have inner work to do and improve upon what you say.”

“You are bitter.”

“You know only fight.”

“Spare me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Leave me alone. I don’t want to listen to you.”

“ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS CONSIDER YOU MAD.”

A few responses of a narcissist when you begin to speak your truth; because when you do not share anything to anyone, the narcissist has an upper hand over you as he can tell anything to anyone about you, about your relationship with the narc, and your relation with others. It’s quite easy to brainwash others when you stay silent. When you begin to share your side of the story, that is the time when the narc pulls this kind of tactics to break you, shun you and silence your voice. It will never be done with facts. It will always be done with emotionally and socially acceptable manipulation in which your behavioural standard is first of all lowered down by getting a reaction out of you after giving you sly remarks on your work, ethics, behaviour, character etc. about which nobody or very few people (narc’s joinders) know, and when your behaviour comes out as sometimes socially unacceptable, then the narc uses this kind of manipulation to demean you and to lower the veracity of your reality in the eyes of others by showing them that there is a problem in you, not in the narc.

Always remember that the one telling the truth in a dynamic with a narc always sounds crazy, and it’s easy for the narc to prove it because the victim generally stays silent for a very long time due to various reasons (which I will discuss later) and when it becomes almost impossible to hide the truth, then the emotions explode intensely which makes others feel like the victim is imbalanced and of which narc always takes advantage.

How can you know who is lying here??

Ask for the explanation in details about the reality of each side from each side. Most often, the narc will reply with “I don’t know” or “I am wrong. I accept that. Please leave me alone.” or “She/he is crazy.” Or “I have better things to do. She/he needs help.” This kind of responses are given because the narc never has clarity of thought and those (narcs) who have, they have planned every step on how to bind the other person in a mental loop of abusive action and intense reaction. The explanation will never be factual from the narc’s side, mostly emotional, with distorted facts involving mostly the blame game or pity party.

Victim feels attacked for years and stays silent but when finally reacts, is considered insane, bitter, or narc and all the time when the victim stays silent, staying away from people due to depression or anxiety or paranoia that anybody can be an acquaintance of the narc, then the victim is considered self-centered and selfish (again the blame game).

My advice here is that, if you ever feel abused mentally or emotionally, do not stay silent about it. Talk about it to somebody trustworthy, and never to anyone in common relation to you and the narc. The more you will delay the reactions, the more you will sound crazy because at some point other people will also think that why you did not say anything at the time of abuse, and then you cannot explain enough.

Pattern of cowardice in love.

All of their pattern has been

First of all, to be sure of my feelings towards them

Rather than showing their feelings to me, if they had any,

And then test over and over again in the same belief that I might have stopped feeling anything,

And still not being courageous enough to show their own vulnerability.

Trust me, I am realizing this now, I have never wanted such cowards in my life, not at least in the matter of love.

A thought on Lockdown.

I think it will be better to extend lockdown but with better measures.
According to me, agricultural and industrial production should be increased by first of all, testing the lower strata of population i.e. daily wage workers for COVID-19 by the government and giving them temporary jobs in these two spheres where manual power is lacking these days while making the middle class strata stay under lockdown and imposing a special revenue on upper strata income on profit making after a certain income level.
I know it’s difficult to take such steps as the population is huge but it still can be done rather than staying disorganised during lockdown and yet extending it, putting all the pressure on the same very few frontliners. Moreover, final year medical students can also be encouraged to help by granting them stipends particularly for working in hospitals in lockdown days, and some people from the general public can be given responsibility for carrying on the duties of police (under the supervision of police, of course) specially for the purpose of keeping gathering of people anywhere under check.

I know India has a mixed structure of socialist and capitalist economy more tilted towards capitalism but socialist measures are the need of the hour.


A few of these steps have already been taken; I hope it can help.