LIFE.

People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.

REASONS–

Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).

Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!

Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.

My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.

Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.

That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.

Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.

(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PAPA ❤

Despite a few disappointments, you are still the undisputed king of my life, who loved me the most from amongst all the people I know, till date.

You provided us with every single thing we could ask for, Specially for me as I was never a demanding kid but you gave me everything without even me asking.

Your principles and philosophy are something I still hold close to my heart and abide by them because they are so humane as well as practical. The path you gave me for my career is something I think was and is always the best one for me.

I really cannot thank you enough for being an amazing friend, philosopher and guide and being there whenever I needed to be protected from anyone, be it from any family member or any outsider, and for making me stronger than I could myself be or anyone else could make me. You were a good balance of strictness and gentleness that any mature person could ask for in a parent. I still remember your words “Life is very tough out there. You have to ace being uncomfortable and tough” AND “even if everyone is doing it, you don’t have to do what everyone is doing. You are not them.”

I just wish you would have stayed much longer. I really needed you. I miss you all the time.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY,PAPA ❤

(First published on 20th June, 2021)

Dry.

Wanting to speak my mind,

with love emphatically,

here I am,

Sitting devoid of it..

Like a river lost its course

then dried up abruptly.

Quote-Vibes matter the most.

I am naturally high-vibing. It’s quite obvious to me who lowers that down at what time. I am being more and more cautious about that now.

(Original date: 31st March,2021)

Switched off intuition and confused myself..

I tried to switch off intuition

and now I am all perplexed,

I do feel the things in a certain way

trying to grasp the ‘why’s of everything,

Even while moving through the ruffled waters

I know where I am going

my intuition guides me my lane,

Now when I have switched it off I am feeling so low,

Feeling things, not vibes, in a confused way,

I don’t know what’s going where, like I am driving myself insane.

I think I turned against the nature,

Putting off something that makes the basic me,

That’s why the nature is punishing me,

The need is not to not feel things I am getting this now,

The need is to feel and be guided by my intuition and still be rational somehow.

(First published on 9th Jan, 2020)

Him and I, From a wolf tribe.

A lone wolf is my spirit’s drive,

Embracing my wilderness,

Claiming my authenticity,

Silent, calm and compost and scarcely seething angry,

Working all alone,

I am sure some day I will meet the one,

Honest, righteous and success hungry,

Whose frequency matches with my vibe,

I will meet the one from my own soul tribe.

(First published on 5th March, 2020)

Hearty ramblings..

A heart

Full of love,

A mind

Full of beauty,

A soul

Full of life,

A spirit

Full of joy,

In all the good things

Why wouldn’t I love you??

Just tell me why??

A thought on Lockdown.

I think it will be better to extend lockdown but with better measures.
According to me, agricultural and industrial production should be increased by first of all, testing the lower strata of population i.e. daily wage workers for COVID-19 by the government and giving them temporary jobs in these two spheres where manual power is lacking these days while making the middle class strata stay under lockdown and imposing a special revenue on upper strata income on profit making after a certain income level.
I know it’s difficult to take such steps as the population is huge but it still can be done rather than staying disorganised during lockdown and yet extending it, putting all the pressure on the same very few frontliners. Moreover, final year medical students can also be encouraged to help by granting them stipends particularly for working in hospitals in lockdown days, and some people from the general public can be given responsibility for carrying on the duties of police (under the supervision of police, of course) specially for the purpose of keeping gathering of people anywhere under check.

I know India has a mixed structure of socialist and capitalist economy more tilted towards capitalism but socialist measures are the need of the hour.

A few of these steps have already been taken; I hope it can help.

(Originally posted on 7th April,2020)

Covid-19 cases are again peaking. DON’T YOU THINK THE CURRENT GOVERNMENT IS EXTREMELY INEFFICIENT AND UNORGANISED?? Do they ever learn anything or just keep rotating their inefficient strategies??

Pioneer of my own life.

I cannot explain this enough

how much I hate to be defensive

And explain my actions

As well as inaction..

Assume whatever

But keep it to yourself;

This is for whosoever

I came or will come into interaction;

I repeat

I owe nobody any explanation

For what I do

Or feel the need to show it off,

Although I may do it in fraction,

But I do everything to my standards’ satisfaction,

I steer my life in my own way,

I know what I did, doing and will do,

I don’t need from anybody else a single direction.

Know the real deal.

It’s good to be co-operative,

But not that much that you turn your back towards your enemies or haters as an invitation to them to stab you,

Even if it’s just a filthy talk,

You never know who hates you and for what reasons,

thus once you notice any red flag,

I hope you don’t try to turn it into a white flag of peace,

Or try to be a dove in front of a hawk.