LIFE.

People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.

REASONS–

Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).

Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!

Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.

My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.

Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.

That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.

Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.

(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)

Commitment issues?

With me, people did not have commitment issues.. People had “you seem too good to be true, let me test and exhaust you” issues..

QUOTE-Peace 💜..

It’s a good feeling when people don’t know you anymore. They can’t take advantage of what they don’t know…..

(Originally posted on 3rd Jan, 2021)

POETRY.

Planning

On

Ending

This

Rueful

Yearning.

(4th Jan, 2020)

Quote: Small Circle

Photography-symbolic

Companionship can be as simple and as beautiful as this picture is..💙

Grateful by heart.

Always grateful for the ones who have good vibes, no ill-will, root for others, and reciprocate good energy. It really feels like a huge blessing when you didn’t get that kind of connections before, specially when people of the past were quite the opposite. I am grateful for that by heart and soul. 💜💖💫

Waiting for the beauty of life. 💞☯️💐

I cannot tell how much I feel the need to know new people, some good and lively energy. The people among whom you can set your own worth standards and they actually meet them; people with whom you can talk freely about anything and everything, and even silence feels very comfortable; people with whom you can roam around freely not having any hard and fast rule about what “kind” of place you like or not; people with whom you can go for meals in your night suit or maybe cook one together; people with whom you don’t feel judged for being completely yourself as weird, strange or awkward; people to whom your history doesn’t matter but those who still consider past and future and do not be fickle by staying only in the “now” or “in the moment”; people who know the meaning of real reciprocity, and do not only brag about what they do for you rather be acknowledging and thankful for what you do for them as well; people who love to learn and are curious to learn to love are my kind of people that I am so eagerly waiting for.

-25th July, 2020

SPIRITUAL ONES.

Kudos to those who try to empower others,

Try to uplift others when they get a hint of their downfall,

Try to spread love and positivity when they know they are only giving,

Try to stay calm even when others are not receptive of their goodness,

Try to rise even though they are not at a better place than many,

Try to connect to their spiritual side even when they are ruminating in darkness,

I am sure universe will reward those pure hearts with the same goodness and blessings in life,

That they try to give to others,

If not through the same people, then through other means,

Gates of blessings by the universe are innumerable,

Even if a few will close, they will be bestowed with many others.

(19th Aug, 2020)

REMINDERS FOR 2021 FOR AT LEAST THE WHOLE DECADE.

I keep repeating many things over and over again and it doesn’t seem to go in the mind of a few people. This is the last time I am confirming anything.

If we ever fell off as friends AND I am not following you on any social media, It’s a 100% guarantee that it’s over. This is for those who never became more than a friend, but became quite lesser than that with time.

If I love someone and he is interested in me too now AND he knows about my side but keeping silence about his side. I am not guaranteeing anything for the future.

I am in no way interested in detecting anyone’s vibes, specially outsiders, whom I have never considered even a friend. It will be good if a known one would talk to me directly rather than through old stupid ways using other people’s accounts. Or don’t take me as the rude one for my response.

Remember, if you try to play me in any single sense, Karma is always there. Don’t repeat patterns. That shit is way too dumb for me now, and as I said earlier, I am not bearing DUMBSHIT this year.

Last but not the least, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE’S DRAMA. SOME PEOPLE ARE TOO MEANINGLESS AND USELESS FOR EVEN A SECOND OF ATTENTION FOR ME. THEY MIGHT THINK THAT THEY IMPORTANT BITCHES, BUT THEY ARE NOT.

I Am Way Too Fed Up Of Explaining The Basics Like This. But some of you seem to waste your life, and seem to try to waste my time and energy as well. These reminders are no joke, they are my FIXED HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. Respect them to earn respect. We are not dealing with losers now.