Story behind and bodily sensations during my Heat Urticaria-2022.

Okay, soooo actually I am in no mood to write about my Urticaria blues today. 😂 Nevertheless.. I still am going to write because I told that I would, yesterday.

Let me talk about the reasons first- Lies and deception by someone whom I loved deeply, was the basic reason and the traumatic cause was that I got to know on 28th feb, 2022 that he got married in june,2021. I had no way and no outlet to express how I was feeling. It was to intense to handle and I was feeling extremely hopeless and helpless. I had already expressed all of my feelings for him to him long ago (in 2019) and due to differences, lies, and misunderstandings as well I had blocked him in 2020. But he was the only one whom I loved yet, so it was quite catastrophic for me to know about it and that he tried his best to hide about it from me for months as he didn’t update about his marriage anywhere public from where I could know, although hiding from me specifically could not be his intentions (I am just doubtful about it).

I literally had no way to express how broken hearted I was and it proved to be a complete nervous breakdown for me.

It’s not funny how deceptive someone can be who once told “we are best friends”, “I have a crush on you”, bla bla bla which now feels like BS only (because all lies).

I had no idea whether to cry or be angry or what, so I gulped it all down as it was the reality that whom I trusted so much and for whom I fought with almost every person was such a liar and a deceptive bitch.

So, from the first week of march only my immunity started to deplete and I began to have constant fever. I had no motivation to exercise or eat healthy or go out. I was being depressed and I knew it but still feeling hopeless about getting out of it. It went on for more two weeks and my skin started to feel itchy. It was more on the thighs and sides of the stomach first.

Ugh.. The itching sensation in urticaria is very hard to control. You feel like scratching the hell out of your skin and during that time I had very little control over my impulses, so I ended up scratching my skin drastically. It went on till the end of march and the skin on my thighs and stomach were wounded and scarred, although itching started to subside in those areas. It was kinda relief as I was trying to heal mentally as well or at least get a grip over my impulses. I was actually feeling like committing suicide before that and I had even talked about it to my bua that I had suicidal tendencies and the reason thereof and that I needed a psychologist at that time, but could not find a good one.

Then came the notification of Delhi Judicial Exams (lower judiciary). It was a hope as well as a stress enhancer for me as I got to know about the notification just two days before the closing date of forms submission and I didn’t even have 1 full month to prepare for it.

Now, I had fever on a daily basis which I thought was because of some infection. The worst thing I did was that I didn’t go and see a doctor. I gulped down a Paracetamol on a daily basis and kept on preparing for my exam like a robot, literally like a robot, as I didn’t want to feel my trauma. I had gotten my purpose to keep going but I had suppressed anger, frustration, and pain. Now, add to it anxiety and stress of the exam. Nevertheless, I kept studying for about 14-18 hours a day but in the second week of april, I started to have itchiness over my collarbone area, face, neck, back of the neck, and inner forearm. I thought that it would go away in about a week but it started getting intense and worse day by day.

Heat urticaria does not only give an itching sensation; It gives alongwith it burning sensation over the whole area like the whole red patch is wounded and it’s quite hotter than the temperature on the unaffected surface of the same part. Moreover, a sensation of pins being shoved inside your skin is constant. One cannot even sleep with that sensation. Think someone is poking several pins at different places on your skin contantly after a few seconds and that sensation doesn’t go away no matter what you do and out of a sudden you are feeling like scratching your skin. I literally felt like cutting off my left forearm or collarbone area’s skin.

I didn’t know what problem I had. I didn’t know the exact name. I was literally burning in hell from the inside and it wasn’t even showing from the outside to any outsider, until my eyes started to sink and my face also started to have rough patches of urticaria over my forehead, eyelids, under the brows, cheeks, and philtrum, although they were not deep, red, or having any warts. Face was itchy and dry.

I had constant headache alongwith constant fever and those urticaria prone sensations on the skin.

Then I decided to go to delhi 1 week before exam but couldn’t, yet reached there 5 days before it and the place where I was staying was calm and soothing to my senses. But there I got infection🙂 due to poor contaminated quality of water of delhi although it was 24×7 RO purified, still ordering food from restaurants might have caused infection.

I would like to add in this blog why I failed in the exam. My mental and physical health I have already described (throughout the preparation stage). Still I managed to read all the bare-acts cover to cover, 5 questionaire banks-each question attempted, a few tests online, legal gk book, 4 main textbooks- I mean about 20 books in a span of 25-26 days. The worst thing I did to myself was that I studied for about 17 hours a day before exam despite having fever and infection. Then, I thought I would sleep at about 2 am, get up at 7 am and would be able to reach the exam venue by 9 am. AND guess what?? I could not sleep at 2 am🙂 Even after trying my best to calm down, I could sleep at about 5:30 am only n got forced to get up at 7 am by my bua (paternal aunt) because if I didn’t then I could not reach the venue on time. But I was totally spent and literally had no energy to get up. Gathered some mental strength from the fact that I worked so hard for this, although I had no strength to move. Add to this, when I was getting ready I hit my foot on the rough edgy underside of bed and it started bleeding and I had no cotton ball 🙂 by this time I was literally like “NEVERMIND 🙂 I know I am going to fail in this but I am going anyway.” Forgot to take paracetamol and anti-biotic as well. Had some grapes and water and proceeded to the venue. Guess what?? They didn’t let me carry my water bottle inside because it was made of metal and it was written MILTON on it. I am sure I would have gotten many answers in a judiciary exam from the word milton (of course, a sarcasm). Then, they didn’t even have water provided on the third floor where my room was. I had to go down the stairs to the first floor again just to drink water. I was thirsty AFFFFF!!!!! The invigilator was so ignorant that she told me to go to the 1st floor for water although she could arrange it for me and actually there was a water cooler at the third floor itself (a sweeper on the 1st floor told me that it was there on the 3rd floor as well). At this point, I was telling god “YOU SERIOUS HATE ME! DON’T YOU??” Now, by this time every iota of energy from my body was spent and I was feeling heavy from sleeplessness as well. Questions in the exam were exactly what I read in those question banks (about 60%) but by this time I had forgotten everything. I mean I had forgotten all the informative and specific knowledge and I could attempt only those questions correctly in which I had to ‘decide’ according to given facts as those questions didn’t involve pressurizing my mind ‘to remember forgotten specifications’. How does all the hard-work goes in vain, one may learn from my life. 😐

Okay, then next, I had another judiciary exam exactly after 11 days aaaaand I had no motivation to study for it, although I did as much as I could but I knew it was not enough, so I didn’t take that exam although I was in gurugram for that exam only. It was by now the first week of may and the stay at gurugram kinda started healing me. It was a peaceful place, although their AirBNB apartment’s AC didn’t work for 1 day but they managed to repair its machine. (Why am I giving these details?? 🙄) I am giving these details because it was quite necessary for my heat urticaria to be in a room with low temperature on AC all the time. I had not studied 1 bulky act and 1 other act of the syllabus of that exam and I had no energy and motivation left in me to go for it, so I decided not to attempt it and saved my 1 attempt of the limited ones.

Now, in may, june and july, those skin sensations and fever were still there, although head stopped from aching and face’s itchiness and dryness had reduced little bit.

For face, I tried that mint oil+coconut oil+vitamin E mixture at home and calamine lotion whenever I went outside. Urticaria’s most drastic effect was on my lips which were deeply cut and wounded that I could not apply any lipstick/lipbalm etc. on them. Actually, nothing worked for lips else than inner healing AND applying coconut oil and beetroot powder mixture and then putting on the mask. The warmth caused by mask was helping in softening lips’ skin. Neck and collar-bone area and left forearm stayed the same till the beginning of august.

After all this, I, incessantly started searching and researching about what actually my ailment was and got to know that it was Heat Urticaria (precisely in the last week of july). Now, I knew exactly what it was and what was its cure in allopathy, ayurveda, homeopathy, and naturopathy. I was reluctant about allopathy because all they do about heat urticaria is giving the patient Antihistamines (anti-allergic) medicine which, I read somewhere, was of least use in urticaria as it just could suppress the symptoms and not do any inner healing. In ayurveda, I researched extensively but was reluctant to have any tablets.

I stopped eating and drinking any hot food including any spicy, fried, caffeinated, carbonated, exothemic, creamy, overly sweet, overly salty, sour, pungent, and fermented food. Specifically took mint chutney (just mint and some salt in it), cucumbers, simple indian flat bread (roti) with Desi Ghee, simply cooked veggies, and fennel seeds water.

Now, I started healing quicker than I thought I could. Within a week those prickly sensations stopped altogether. My body temperature started to cool down within a week. The red patches with high temperature over those areas were still there but were reducing in redness and burning sensations gradually. By the mid of august, my neck and collarbone almost got healed i.e. the warts had healed competely and the scars were barely there. Face got healed completely; my eyes were looking brighter and there was barely any dark circle. Neck also got free from any warts. The only thing that was there was occasional fever which I got rid of completely in september.

After getting healed, I could not believe that there was actually a life without fever. SERIOUSLY!!

So, my Heat Urticaria was a journey of six-seven months i.e. from the start of March, 2022 to the end of September, 2022 because my fever actually healed completely by the end of september and there were no occasional complaints or symptoms of Heat Urticaria after that.

Physiological relief tips for Heat Urticaria/Hot Urticaria

Physiologically, what you can do to get some relief in Heat Urticaria?? I am sharing a few tips that worked for me:

1. Do not bathe with hot water even in winters. Water be, the cooler, the better.
2. Take a tub bath in ice water or put your hands and feet in ice water for about 15-20 minutes. Let all of that heat get out of your limbs.
3. Do not do intense exercise at all. It’s a BIG NO! Or you may scratch the hell out of your skin within seconds or minutes after exercising.
4. Apply cold compresses on the affected area while sleeping or taking rest.
5. My self invented 🤣 simple pack that works wonders within minutes: Take about 30-50 ml coconut virgin oil (not extra virgin or normal hair oil) in a small glass bottle. Add 1 ml of Pudinhara (mint) tablet’s oil and 1 capsule of Vitamin E oil (not almond oil) in it (of course, after opening it up with a sterilized needle). Apply it 4-5 times after equal intervals of time necessarily or whenever you feel like itching apply this oil a bit over that area. CAUTION- Do not add more of the pudinhara in this much quantity of oil or you may have a burning sensation on the affected area(s) which does not go away easily.
6. If you have acutely painful deep red patches and warts on skin due to this hot urticaria, try applying a steroid ointment but only after cleaning the area with a gentle cleanser. Do not use any alcohol based cleanser or anti-septic liquid as the affected skin is not wounded because of any infection, but the streroid ointment will not stop the itching sensation completely.
7. Any simple calamine lotion also gives temporary relief. You can apply it if the wounds or warts are not too painful and itchy.
8. Wear the loosest of clothes made of cotton only.
9. Protect the affected areas from the sunlight at any cost. Avoid any kind of heat actually.
10. Take Deep Breathes all the time. No matter what situation you are in, keep your calm. Do not let your body heat up even the more due to anger or otherwise, no matter how many psychopaths try to trigger you and your trauma. Yes, trauma and stress can also be a cause of hot urticaria as it was in my case.
11. Do not apply any beauty essential oils in the base oil. Never apply mustard oil or sesame oil on the affected area. Sunscreen, lotion, cream, perfume, deodorant, vaseline, make-up, talcum powder-NO!!!!!
12. Apply Aloe-Vera Gel every time right after taking bath, on wet affected area without massaging it in and just keep it as a pack for about 10-15 minutes or if you can’t tolerate it then wash it away immediately. It may give burning sensation for 1 minute but gives relief later on and helps in outer healing of the skin as well. Essentially apply that Pudinhara oil mixture right after washing aloe-vera gel away or your skin may feel dry and itchy after some time.

I will share in details how I got hot/heat urticaria last year, about on-going condition, and healing phase- the areas, sensations I felt, mental state, lifestyle, etc. in any other post.

Also, avoid hot foods at any cost. Outer applications are of no use if one doesn’t heal Heat Urticaria from within. Be patient (not patient). Urticaria doesn’t heal within days or even weeks. Some people have it going on for years as well, although I had it for months.

This is not my picture. I took a screenshot of a picture from the internet but it looks like this, athough, in my case it was continuous big patches on my thighs near knees, both sides of my stomach, back of the neck on the left side, on the outer lower sides of the breasts, all of the collar-bone area from shoulder to shoulder, whole of my left inner fore-arm, and my face. Details, I will share tomorrow.

Share this with anyone who may need it. Take care. ❤💫

LIFE.

People usually think why I am mostly poker faced or smiling and not really smiling in my pics.

REASONS–

Hard, heart-breaking and hurtful events: Death of 8 family members from which 7 of them died one after another with a gap of one or two years continuously. Heartbreaks in between. So, obviously depression was my normal mental state full of feelings of helplessness, fear of loss of the next one and the related anxiety, in which I had bouts of non-depressive episodes(Yep! Opposite of usual).

Heartbreak: The one that happened long ago (2015) was mentally abusive to me, during and after which I felt like I did not even have enough self-respect. I didn’t come in any relationship after that. After that I fell in love with my so-called best friend, who also deceived me in many ways, and then got married last year about which I got to know in march this year (no,he didn’t inform me. He was still hiding it) So, welcome to depression again !!

Broken friendships: Almost all of my friendships got broken from 2018-2020. Mind games, groupism, gossips, joining hands with enemies. The behaviour which I used to observe, forgive and forget before this time period, became intolerable to me. After all, for how many years(even decades) people were going to take me as a fool just because I was too tolerant, good-hearted, forgiving and friendly?? Definitely, those were not friends. Someone had to end it all, so I did.

My studies and work: Believe it or not, when you are involved in legal, political and psychological fields, you see and read cases that kinda mentally suck you in (Nasty mentally disturbing stuff). It all, in a way, gets embedded on your soul and psyche and you can never really undo that all information. Not that I don’t love what I do. I love my work and research but it’s also true that only the toughest ones can see and go through all that and still have a stability of mind to think through it all rationally.

Although I try my best to stay normal and succeed too; yet somehow it (all the bad stuff) still shows on my face, and most of the times, one can see it in my eyes.

That’s why, most of my old pictures show some kind of depression or sadness on my face and in my eyes.

Not that I am not hurt now or never get hurt or depressed, but every single hurt or disappointment reminds me of my past.

(PS- I was not writing about any of those people and/or events lately, anywhere on social media. Some people have really changed for the better and I also have moved on from that past.)

Experiencing Indirect Rumours and Gaslighting.

Rumours– We all are well aware of. But, I want to describe Indirect Rumours. When someone or some people try to make other people believe that something is/was said or done by you by adopting your behaviour style or communication style i.e. significantly becoming an imposter, yet not impersonating your identity as to name or photographs etc., they cause of Indirect Rumours.

The motive and intention is fraudulent. The imposter wants other people to think that all the psychopathic words and acts which that imposter does are being said and done by you. And if the people who are intended to be influenced into thinking that it’s you who is doing all the fraudulent and/or psychopathic deeds, get influenced thereby, against you, then the fraudulent imposter’s psychopathic acts keep on increasing as to scope of trying to affect your near and dear ones, over a long period of time, but with breaks in between, so that they may be indirectly rumoured into straining your character. It is done to affect those who know your style and behaviour and definitely are your known ones in any capacity like family, tertiary kins, former or current acquaintances, online links, etc.

The fraudster or imposter shows insane, aggressive and/or filthy behaviour through words most of the times, and the idea is to make your known ones believe the false information about you as true, which is given by that fraudulent imposter, indirectly throught social media. It doesn’t come under the category of libel and slander as your name is not taken or mentioned openly but your character is intended to seem like a pathological one.

You may think that it’s not a big deal, specially when it happens online. BUT let me beware you, it can be quite dangerous for you, as your relationships with other people may get strained, your character may be assassinated, and in case it’s only you who can figure out what wrong is going on, you may fall into acute stress and/or depression or may become psychologically dysfunctional in the long run AND The intention and aim of such psychopathic imposter is just that..

Personal Experience: This happens with me a lot often and the time I talk about it openly to expose that psychopath, the source from where this kind of psychopathic acts are done, is made to look and sound normal, so that the other people, who are known to me, may think that I over-react. This is an acute form of Gaslighting, which I am actually going through since last few years. It has taken criminal stance as well. Once I also reported it to the police but then took back the complaint for personal reasons. Now-a-days, I tend to ignore and block the sources from where the imposter tries to spread ‘indirect rumours’ about me, But, some day I will definitely take solid action. I can clearly point out at the sources from which this mental and social abuse is happening. So, it won’t take me or the police much to gather all the proofs.

It’s all fun and games until someone drags you to court and you are going downhill after that and end up in jail for years, lonely, going mad, with your own pathological filthy mind, being the biggest burden on yourself rather than a burden on innocent people.

Realization..

I don’t feel alone, out of sudden..

I get the realisation of being lonely, all out of a sudden..

And the worst part is

I can’t change the situation..

How OCD and depression exist together and feel??

Depression alongwith aggravated OCD makes one feel hyper-alert while having no energy to be alert about anything. One has no desire to know anything anymore yet stays busy to correct something which one doesn’t even know what is wrong or the wrong which actually doesn’t exist.

Why would you count things, literally every single little thing as little as your breathing, to correct something that has nothing to do with it?? What would you correct that isn’t even wrong in the first place??

The anticipation of something to go wrong is the reason behind OCD; something that someone holds very dearly or important in one’s life, and if that thing has gone wrong multiple times in the past, then the person becomes extra cautious or obsessed or say moves into hyper-mode of anxiety about it. It’s frustrating and utterly exhausting, both mentally and physically.

Don’t tell me meditation n shit helps in this. It is a problem of rationalizing irrational thoughts and attaching irrational behaviour (compulsions) to those irrational thoughts by somehow rationalizing them after observing patterns between them.

Add depression to it; And you have enormous amount of inner conflict while you have no energy or desire to even do the bare minimum of daily life, and sometimes even breathing and staying awake feels like a burden to the mind.

Interception for self..

When your heart shatters into a zillion pieces,

When it still doesn’t make any noise to the outside world,

When you can’t hear your own screams,

When you silently own every single broken piece in your existence’s hold,

Know that there will be someone who will make it easy for you;

Someone will make easy the love for you,

The love you give and their love for you,

Someone will make the life easy for you,

The way you want to live it,

doing the things you love to do,

Someone will make it easy for you to smile,

The real unfiltered blooming out of innate happiness they give to you,

And until you meet that special someone

Cherish everything that you are

Find depth in your hollowed heart

Find solace in your solitude

Find heights increasing in your strength

For living alone this way is truly an art.

(First published on 17th jan, 2021 on my other website http://www.yourchoicestlifestyle.com )

Loads in depression.

Sometimes, your biggest achievement is to talk while you have no mental energy to even speak a word,

do all of your works of the day while you have no physical energy either,

And to smile when all you feel is emptiness,

To have hope while all you want is to scream and cry out loud not knowing what to do about what’s bothering you.

(Originally posted on 12th june,2020, when I was in severe depression)

A Burning Candle..

Remove darkness
Be a guiding force
Even if it makes a little difference
While you burn for someone whole
Even if no one is a witness. -Preet

💖🙂

(Published on 14th May, 2021)

Their completely unreasonable behaviour making me feel helpless-Family Frustration.

Do you ever feel completely annoyed and helpless because of your own family?? What if anything if ever you ask them to do is take care of themselves properly?? If one of them is unwell, that one does not allow you, (I mean it, DOES NOT ALLOW YOU) to take care of them, although you know they are unwell because they appear to be so and they themselves tell you that.

They do not change their ways. They will do Completely unnecessary physical work like going to the park at the noon time when it’s quite dry n hot weather, although they may have been going through dehydration. They do not eat properly, nor take nutrition supplements, and say that it’s hard for them to eat as their stomach(digestive system) is not allowing them to eat anything, AND still do not seek medical help from any good doctor. They do not drink water properly. They do not take proper rest staying at home, NOPE, staying at home is a big issue for them, no matter how caring you become or how lovingly you tell them to take proper rest and nutrition.

It is stubborn AF behaviour. They do not consider your life at all. They do not even think once how much stress it gives you, probably to the point of severe depression after which you just become occupied mentally with their well-being only, and cannot do what you need to do about your own life, although they do the dramebaazi all the time that they love you. I don’t think that they love you at all, all they seek is they be considered an unsung hero who lost their life for you, loving you only immensely and never cared about their own health, despite the fact that it’s you who has always been concerned about their health and take care of yourself properly so that they do not have to go through any such mental pressure or depression.

Upon confrontation what they say is “do not care about me”. You think that it is possible that whom you love, you would not care about them or their health?? Can you think how much heaviness you feel mentally because of such ignorant and immature behaviour?? I cannot describe enough how much helpless you can feel in such a situation when they create a whole bunch of problems and mental anxiety and depression in you which would not have happened just in case they would take care of themselves like a Normal Person does because really, they do not even have any physical incurable ailment. It’s all because of their fucking reckless behaviour that they spoil their life and yours as well.

What if they have been specially warned to take care of themselves by an astrologer because their time is not right whole of the year and you are concerned and extra cautious for that as well??

Despite that, they will still give no fuck or change their habits or behaviour even a bit.

Why?? Most probably because they have nothing good to do in life rather than creating a mess out of completely controllable circumstances. Is it too much to ask someone to take care of their health properly or let you take care of it?? I don’t care if you agree to me or not, but it is a form of Mental Cruelty.