Experiencing Indirect Rumours and Gaslighting.

Rumours– We all are well aware of. But, I want to describe Indirect Rumours. When someone or some people try to make other people believe that something is/was said or done by you by adopting your behaviour style or communication style i.e. significantly becoming an imposter, yet not impersonating your identity as to name or photographs etc., they cause of Indirect Rumours.

The motive and intention is fraudulent. The imposter wants other people to think that all the psychopathic words and acts which that imposter does are being said and done by you. And if the people who are intended to be influenced into thinking that it’s you who is doing all the fraudulent and/or psychopathic deeds, get influenced thereby, against you, then the fraudulent imposter’s psychopathic acts keep on increasing as to scope of trying to affect your near and dear ones, over a long period of time, but with breaks in between, so that they may be indirectly rumoured into straining your character. It is done to affect those who know your style and behaviour and definitely are your known ones in any capacity like family, tertiary kins, former or current acquaintances, online links, etc.

The fraudster or imposter shows insane, aggressive and/or filthy behaviour through words most of the times, and the idea is to make your known ones believe the false information about you as true, which is given by that fraudulent imposter, indirectly throught social media. It doesn’t come under the category of libel and slander as your name is not taken or mentioned openly but your character is intended to seem like a pathological one.

You may think that it’s not a big deal, specially when it happens online. BUT let me beware you, it can be quite dangerous for you, as your relationships with other people may get strained, your character may be assassinated, and in case it’s only you who can figure out what wrong is going on, you may fall into acute stress and/or depression or may become psychologically dysfunctional in the long run AND The intention and aim of such psychopathic imposter is just that..

Personal Experience: This happens with me a lot often and the time I talk about it openly to expose that psychopath, the source from where this kind of psychopathic acts are done, is made to look and sound normal, so that the other people, who are known to me, may think that I over-react. This is an acute form of Gaslighting, which I am actually going through since last few years. It has taken criminal stance as well. Once I also reported it to the police but then took back the complaint for personal reasons. Now-a-days, I tend to ignore and block the sources from where the imposter tries to spread ‘indirect rumours’ about me, But, some day I will definitely take solid action. I can clearly point out at the sources from which this mental and social abuse is happening. So, it won’t take me or the police much to gather all the proofs.

It’s all fun and games until someone drags you to court and you are going downhill after that and end up in jail for years, lonely, going mad, with your own pathological filthy mind, being the biggest burden on yourself rather than a burden on innocent people.

Realization..

I don’t feel alone, out of sudden..

I get the realisation of being lonely, all out of a sudden..

And the worst part is

I can’t change the situation..

How OCD and depression exist together and feel??

Depression alongwith aggravated OCD makes one feel hyper-alert while having no energy to be alert about anything. One has no desire to know anything anymore yet stays busy to correct something which one doesn’t even know what is wrong or the wrong which actually doesn’t exist.

Why would you count things, literally every single little thing as little as your breathing, to correct something that has nothing to do with it?? What would you correct that isn’t even wrong in the first place??

The anticipation of something to go wrong is the reason behind OCD; something that someone holds very dearly or important in one’s life, and if that thing has gone wrong multiple times in the past, then the person becomes extra cautious or obsessed or say moves into hyper-mode of anxiety about it. It’s frustrating and utterly exhausting, both mentally and physically.

Don’t tell me meditation n shit helps in this. It is a problem of rationalizing irrational thoughts and attaching irrational behaviour (compulsions) to those irrational thoughts by somehow rationalizing them after observing patterns between them.

Add depression to it; And you have enormous amount of inner conflict while you have no energy or desire to even do the bare minimum of daily life, and sometimes even breathing and staying awake feels like a burden to the mind.

Interception for self..

When your heart shatters into a zillion pieces,

When it still doesn’t make any noise to the outside world,

When you can’t hear your own screams,

When you silently own every single broken piece in your existence’s hold,

Know that there will be someone who will make it easy for you;

Someone will make easy the love for you,

The love you give and their love for you,

Someone will make the life easy for you,

The way you want to live it,

doing the things you love to do,

Someone will make it easy for you to smile,

The real unfiltered blooming out of innate happiness they give to you,

And until you meet that special someone

Cherish everything that you are

Find depth in your hollowed heart

Find solace in your solitude

Find heights increasing in your strength

For living alone this way is truly an art.

(First published on 17th jan, 2021 on my other website http://www.yourchoicestlifestyle.com )

Loads in depression.

Sometimes, your biggest achievement is to talk while you have no mental energy to even speak a word,

do all of your works of the day while you have no physical energy either,

And to smile when all you feel is emptiness,

To have hope while all you want is to scream and cry out loud not knowing what to do about what’s bothering you.

(Originally posted on 12th june,2020, when I was in severe depression)

A Burning Candle..

Remove darkness
Be a guiding force
Even if it makes a little difference
While you burn for someone whole
Even if no one is a witness. -Preet


💖🙂

(Published on 14th May, 2021)

Their completely unreasonable behaviour making me feel helpless-Family Frustration.

Do you ever feel completely annoyed and helpless because of your own family?? What if anything if ever you ask them to do is take care of themselves properly?? If one of them is unwell, that one does not allow you, (I mean it, DOES NOT ALLOW YOU) to take care of them, although you know they are unwell because they appear to be so and they themselves tell you that.

They do not change their ways. They will do Completely unnecessary physical work like going to the park at the noon time when it’s quite dry n hot weather, although they may have been going through dehydration. They do not eat properly, nor take nutrition supplements, and say that it’s hard for them to eat as their stomach(digestive system) is not allowing them to eat anything, AND still do not seek medical help from any good doctor. They do not drink water properly. They do not take proper rest staying at home, NOPE, staying at home is a big issue for them, no matter how caring you become or how lovingly you tell them to take proper rest and nutrition.

It is stubborn AF behaviour. They do not consider your life at all. They do not even think once how much stress it gives you, probably to the point of severe depression after which you just become occupied mentally with their well-being only, and cannot do what you need to do about your own life, although they do the dramebaazi all the time that they love you. I don’t think that they love you at all, all they seek is they be considered an unsung hero who lost their life for you, loving you only immensely and never cared about their own health, despite the fact that it’s you who has always been concerned about their health and take care of yourself properly so that they do not have to go through any such mental pressure or depression.

Upon confrontation what they say is “do not care about me”. You think that it is possible that whom you love, you would not care about them or their health?? Can you think how much heaviness you feel mentally because of such ignorant and immature behaviour?? I cannot describe enough how much helpless you can feel in such a situation when they create a whole bunch of problems and mental anxiety and depression in you which would not have happened just in case they would take care of themselves like a Normal Person does because really, they do not even have any physical incurable ailment. It’s all because of their fucking reckless behaviour that they spoil their life and yours as well.

What if they have been specially warned to take care of themselves by an astrologer because their time is not right whole of the year and you are concerned and extra cautious for that as well??

Despite that, they will still give no fuck or change their habits or behaviour even a bit.

Why?? Most probably because they have nothing good to do in life rather than creating a mess out of completely controllable circumstances. Is it too much to ask someone to take care of their health properly or let you take care of it?? I don’t care if you agree to me or not, but it is a form of Mental Cruelty.

Family’s inept love.

I really don’t understand their love for me,

when all they do is

to keep my body confined inside the fours of wall,

and cannot take care of their health properly

When all I want them to do is

To take care of themselves, that’s all.

INCAPACITY AND DECEIT STAYS IN YOU.

3 years ago, I had my very important Delhi Judicial Exam (Preliminary). I was deceived by a friend. I had lost someone whom I loved. I was in despair, trying very hard to focus on studies, in delhi.

Suddenly, my so-called former Best Friend Turned Love, (someone who himself started calling me Bestie first), Drunk AF, texted me “I need you. I need your hug so badly. You went there without meeting me. I am feeling like crying.” reading which I got really concerned and tried to console him for whatever he was feeling and tried to figure out the reason so that I could help him. But he said “your exam is too important for you, I am nothing” which really angered me at that moment as he did not say a single thing like that against my exam or described to me anything that he was feeling low for any reasons. I had gotten it by then that he was drunk and sad, to which he admitted later on. But despite going through a lot of shit myself, I still lend him a helping hand and tried to console him.

Later on and NOW whenever I feel sad or depressed, listening to me or trying to understand me is a far off thing, he runs away, and through one or the other social media page he tries to convey me this message 👇

I really don’t understand, first of all, when did I share any of my sadness to him?? I do not depend on anyone for my happiness. AND honestly speaking, LOSERS LIKE HIM are not even capable of giving anyone any happiness. Giving me disappointments and depression, yes, that’s his Forte. I don’t get it in which of his La La Land he thinks that I ever depended on him for my happiness.

Moreover, if I have to do everything by myself, including staying alone when I am feeling depressed, and do every single thing by myself for my success and happiness,, why the fuck would I let him come into my life when I am at my best?? For him to reap my rewards that I had sown and watered?? For him to enjoy all the good times only and run away like a fucking weakass loser when times get tough?? For him to suck up all of my good energy, draining me completely and walk all over me and never giving me a thing??

Does he know that he is immature, not good enough and incapable of being with anyone, leave alone me, because I am still doing much better than him even during sadness and depression??

Is he good enough who thinks that he will be available only to enjoy the goody-good stuff and otherwise just behave like a coward whenever I would need him or anyone, that too, only for being there with me at my lows and not demanding anything from him in those times??

“You couldn’t give me even one-fourth of what I gave you, emotionally, mentally and energetically. With what shit mouth you say that I should be responsible for my happiness. I got it a long time ago that you are incapable of giving me anything. I don’t even expect anyone to give me happiness but I am sure that someone equal to me in every sense will reciprocate with me at every level, not a loser like you. Last but not the least, how do you think that I still talk about a deceptive loser like you when I talk about love, who couldn’t even be a loyal friend??”

Problem with good emotions.

My problem is that I may tell you that I love you and then would like to stay alone but when I would like to be with you I won’t even say a thing.

Some people cannot handle good emotions at first and I am one of them. It’s because they never or barely got to experience love. So, it feels over-whelming when they get to experience it.

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