“Better alone than in bad company” is something I read on a poster picture in my room when I was four or five years old and something to which I still abide by. No matter how you feel, you need to stay away from bad people. Bad here refers to both bad vibes and bad behaviour. Sometimes, no matter how much good you try to see in people, sooner or later, they show their true colours. You might feel that it’s too late to cut them off of your life because you have gotten attached to them or have a common business or you need them professionally; but to be stable and protect your sanity, you will have to get rid of people who can bring any kind of negativity in you. Some gossip to you, some gossip about you. Some poke and prod on your boundaries; physical, emotional or mental. Even if you make it very clear time and again that you want them to be completely absent from your life, they don’t, they still want to get negative attention from you. Some find irritating you as something funny. Some think that their unhealthy or psychotic ways are just a way to show love. Some think that nudging here and there, taunting, is okay. Some think that commenting on your lifestyle is casual. But trust me, if you are a sensitive yet strong person, you can and you have to cut them all off your life, no matter how hard it seems to you, and no matter how difficult they make it for you. When you have got a mind and body naturally capable of doing everything, you can live alone till the right ones who behave the right way come to you. Behaving the right way depends on how you want to be behaved with, and not how others think they should behave and if somebody does not behave or treat you the way you want to be treated, then you have to cut them off of your life, sometimes permanently if somebody doesn’t get your point or gets it and still carries on with their immature, toxic and stupid behaviour. You also have got things to do, live your life freely and grow. They will also try to manipulate you or use you in the name of integrity, but your inner integrity should be stronger than anybody else’s manipulation. Your growth should not be stunted by any bad influence by others on you; and their behaviour is not your responsibility, its theirs and thus it’s not your responsibility to carry on with their toxicity and tolerate it, rather it’s your responsibility towards yourself to cut off such people from your life even if you have to live alone.
Don’t go back to your old ways,
Try to get out of that mud,
There is love and light for you to grow,
You are still an about to bloom bud,
Hands folded, head held high,
You have to forget your heart’s cry,
When something and someone is pure,
It is rewarded for sure,
Let the times be obscure,
You have to hear past the tumultous,
The sound of nature,
It bestows the real things the strength to endure;
Even if your heart is breaking into a zillion pieces,
Just let the rivers of pain flow,
Because days and nights keep shifting,
But always after the darkness,
We feel the sunrise’s glow.
We are so similar in many ways,
We can’t hurt the good ones, sometimes even the bad get the good side,
but won’t mind hurting anyone by hitting them with the truth or be distant to protect our sanity,
We have our reasons that we keep from the world,
We hide our emotions, emotions run deep but logic rules behaviour to stay away from others’ insanity,
Affectionate with the right ones, self-respect on top,
I show my sensibility to the whole world, hide my childlike nature,
You show your childlike nature to the world, hide your sensible nature,
We say what we mean and mean what we say,
straight to the point,
no mind games,
Wild at heart, mind dark and twisted,
Persona full of spark with the right ones and trusted,
Passion, anger, lust and love, the similar kind,
And that thirst for knowledge,
Must have been called wierdos by many
Who couldn’t understand,
Wanderers, unaware and not afraid of the uncertain,
Neither liking to control others, nor wanna be chained,
We just show and hide our natures differently,
Still too similar,
I think this is what is Twin Flames named.
That connection was not wrong,
That bond being natural thus right,
We are sentimental,
For understanding each-other we don’t have to fight.
I don’t care if the future is dark or bright,
I will still love you without expectations
Because I know this love is right.
Neither hopeful about something nor hopeless, you just have to make peace with what is. Situations might and will change in the future but you cannot take the present for granted. What exists now is real, everything else is your thought. Once you commit to improve your present, be positive, love yourself, love your life the way it is, everything good begins to get attracted to you. But it does not mean that only desirable events will happen, even negative and bad experiences will add to your life. Being positive does not mean that you can have or attract nothing negative in life once you choose to be positive, it just means that whatever will happen you will accept and handle it. You don’t feel lost when you live in reality. You know anything and everything takes efforts and yet the results are neither guaranteed nor parmanent, you can just have a plan in your mind and work towards it. Yin and yang is the law of nature, i.e. two contradicting forces always co-exist, thus any situation has both the sides to it, it all depends on your psyche how you see it particularly and that’s where your mindset comes into play. Moreover, there is always an invisible side to everything, that’s the force that keeps every kind of energy moving; although you may take something as positive or negative but that kinetic force is the one that keeps on changing the dynamics between any two sides of anything, be it separating those forces or uniting them. Your mind is definitely the most powerful thing and can control that dynamic or prove to be that third force but sometimes you really have to bring that energy to stillness, and stop thinking about it too much because if you won’t stop trying to control your future, then your future will begin to control your mind in the present. So, try to observe stillness of mind. It helps a lot in chaos. Stillness of mind does not mean making it numb, being unable to think through things straight, it actually means thinking straight about what is, and not about what can be and what should be. Some people specifically meditate for it, but according to me, it’s all about your level of understanding and perception. It also enhances your level of self-control and vice-versa.
The only thing about which I am afraid is going back to anybody from my past. I should not be afraid because people change or mostly we don’t know the other side of the story but really I have my reasons and I am more interested in present and future and don’t want to indulge with anyone from my past. I am just done with those who intentionally or unintentionally did hurt me, I felt hurt a lot, and as I cannot undo that, I cannot forgive and even if I have forgiven I cannot let anyone from my past to come back in my life. I would rather prefer staying alone forever than being with any of them, no matter how much they have grown or have become better. I just know that I have loved the right person, it does not matter what the future will be, I am trying to be at peace with my life; I am trying to still my mind and improve all the realms of my life. Whom I have left have had either been selfish with me, or manipulated me or misunderstood me badly and even if any of them can change that, I don’t want that person in my life. Even the thought makes me feel suffocated and there is nothing like hatred in that. I don’t change my mind with every upcoming event. I observe many events and fix myself on a decision forever. Moreover, when ones feelings and logic, both do not allow one to do something, nothing and nobody can and should try to change that.
Going through all the pain I have earned only self-respect and learned only gratitude. The pain that I can’t even explain, just tears start flowing through my eyes any time, like literally I have not cried this much in my entire life like I did this year. Something in me has finished so badly but I know something very good has begun to grow. I have gone through tranformation phases many times in my life but this one is one of its kind. My body shakes a lot like I can literally sense my old energy leaving my body. That stuck energy that used to tolerate a lot of shit. That energy had the sense of inadequacy all the time despite achieving many things. That ‘Not Good Enough’ energy. That energy that had traumas of many family members’ death, family abandonment, many physical ailments, loss of relationships and friendships, depression of more than two decades. That energy that used to feel that I deserved whatever I was going through. The energy of complete worthlessness of good things in life.
I had such a great fear of losing people that I could put up with any kind of behaviour, any kind of manipulation, narcissism, that despite knowing the truth I was always apologetic just because I did not want to lose someone. The problem was that nobody taught me how to love myself, I was the unwanted child who was always conditionally loved.
But now, I am letting go of all that energy. I am letting go of all the people that ever made me feel like I had to put up with their any kind of shit just for the sake of keeping a relationship or a friendship. I know my worth. I know what I am, what I want to be, and what kind of people I deserve in my life and to get all that I will always use my ways, be it silence, be it pure love or be it arrogance or cruelty. RIP to all the dead relationships and friendships. There is not a single person on this earth that can make me into anything, shake me or break me. I am thriving on my Karma !! And I am so so grateful to the universe for all those experiences; because of them I have gained this much Strength and am transforming into a Someone New.
One can feel like a mastermind,
Trying every whim with every sullen desire,
Inaugurating chaos and sliding through it like a snake,
Escaping every sight but keeping prying eyes on every person around,
Who believes a lot in make,
Trying to be a leader, showing facundity hiding ruthlessness,
A raising voice howsoever slight can he try to always suppress;
The mischief committed,
The people harmed,
The hearts broken,
The minds disturbed,
In his falsity he never did falter,
Trying to look like a saviour,
He proved to be my and many others’ halter.
“Shed your filthy facade damn it”
Even if I shout, cry n show angst,
He will say that I am just throwing a fit;
People like this have many accomplices around,
to which someone mentally weak feels bound;
But here I am and the universe with me,
How much more can he make me lonely?
To a loner who stays with the universe in touch,
That filthy mastermind can’t cause harm much,
No matter how much a sick person keeps it curtailed,
Universe has its own way for the truth to be unfurled.