How people see an intuitive person and what the reality is.

I am intuitive.” What does it mean when anybody says that they are intuitive? Many people assume that if somebody is intuitive naturally or psychic (though psychic is a different topic), then he/she must be knowing everything that is going on. No ! That’s far from the truth.

Strong intuition does not mean a movie playing in the back of one’s mind. If one says that it happens like this, then it probably is delusion. Strong intuition actually works like a Needle Poking in One’s Gut or A Thunder Hitting One’s Mind, that too very randomly. Most of the times, say 80-90% of the times, that person has no idea what’s going on around him/her, unless he/she is an empath also; because empaths can catch vibes pretty easily.

The moment somebody says that he/she is intuitive, some people (mostly the sensory types from the Myers-briggs personality typology) begin to test that person if he/she can get what they are doing. Here, I want to clear again that an intuitive person really doesn’t know what other people are doing unless those people have that person’s attention all the time or that one is in connection with oneself for a very long period of time or is connected to the universe intensely and deeply.

Those testing people give the intuitive person both good and bad vibes to see his/her reaction but they do not get that one can choose to react or not to react even though that person has got to know about something. Sometimes, when that person chooses not to react, then they give subtle hints by using words’ terminology or gestures that they normally use and about which that person is generally well-acquainted with. They do it for reasons known to themselves only but it has nothing to do with their “connection” with that intuitive person because in reality they make it very obvious for that person to know who is doing what, and which any normal person can acknowledge with some general observational skills. Whereas, some people test that person by hiding their behaviour in the best possible ways they can, which involves using fake accounts, taking help of other people, fake phone calls, to name a few. Reasons for that kind of behaviour can be both-good or/and bad, which depends from person to person. But it happens. And, there is nothing good or playful or funny or helpful in doing that because it wastes a lot of energy and causes hell lot of anxiety, stress and frustration to the intuitive type (saying this from my personal experience). Thus, people should learn how to behave and where to draw the line, even good intentions can end up in bad results.

Thanks.

Old dilemma

Sometimes, you don’t get how to treat people. Those who leave you hurting, don’t really deserve to come back to you when you are healing or healed. But what to do when you can’t hurt them the same way? Allow them to stab at the wound again or test your tolerance or patience. Or leave them n mind your own business?
People generally know what they have done, they are either stupid or over-smart not to admit it or they grow mature enough to make it right but you can’t tell which way it’s going to be unless you put your peace of mind at stake again. You have to decide if you have that much tolerance level to let it be brought up again or put it to an end.

DEEP FEAR TEACHING ME SOMETHING.

“She will do anything to get you, I will do anything to see you happy” I say this to you in my mind a lot. An old wound inside of me has opened up so badly, I am feeling like being stabbed on it over and over again.

History is repeating itself. Somebody trying to snatch my love by hook or by crook and taking him away from me; me yelling, crying, and even dying. I, once knew mad love for which I tried to finish myself. I can’t even explain the feeling. It’s so intense. Though I can’t say you are mine, still I am more afraid than ever to lose you.

Why is it happening to me, daily I ask myself. What is life trying to teach me? I can’t talk about it to anyone, I really can’t explain and nobody can even understand and I don’t even want anyone to understand anything about me. I just want to know the why. Why the similar things are happening? Why a third person of similar nature has entered who can do almost anything to get you, and my trauma is attacking me from all the sides that that person will make you cut your all the ties with me in the future. It’s not my intuition, it’s actually my traumatic experience making me feel so afraid.

I feel perplexed a lot, still, I keep going with a smile on my face. I know I am a broken soul. But one thing is for sure, I’ll stand my ground no matter what; I’ll protect my self-respect no matter what; and I’ll choose letting go if I have to, no matter how hard it will be for me; and I’ll never try to get you no matter how much pain I’ll have to bear.

If I know my weakness, I know my strength too and this is what, I think, life is trying to teach me, that how I have to put back my pieces together alone, how to love selflessly, how to stay honest to myself, how to overcome my fears and how to heal my past traumas. I can’t show but I know.

For me, what silence is.

Silence for me is more than peace. It is my life force. I have stayed silent for more than 98% of my life. Whenever I talk to anyone, be it any person howsoever close or howsoever good, my anxiety kicks in. It might have something to do with the past or maybe I am born this way to live like this only. I might have a storm going on inside me while staying quiet, but it still feels better than talking. I know when I talk or share my information with anyone I am not at peace with myself except a very few people with whom when I talk my vibes match so well. And, there is rarely anyone with whom I like to talk day and night.

I really don’t have perfect words to describe how I feel when I am silent. It’s like I feel very authentic when I embrace silence. I know myself the best just like everybody knows himself/herself but it is something more than that, I feel connected with the Universe or God or whatever name The Creator can be given, when I am too quiet. I can bear and have borne the deepest of my pains in silence and when I feel a little fine with talking to anyone but am still in pain or healing, my anxiety peaks. One of the reasons for this is that people feel like they know me more than I know myself or that they can apply general behavioural principles on me, but they fail to realize that I have gone through so much and have figured out so many possible solutions on my own by now that whenever any problem arises, I know what I have to do. It’s that I don’t like to take help, my silence helps me the most, when I draw into myself and ask for help from the universe. Yes, anxiety still persists, but it lessens to a good extent. Pain also persists but I can bear it. And, it’s not that I like or love pain, I just accept it and let it pass through me so that I can finally get rid of it. Wounds heal sometimes as a result, though not always. But I am learning to unlearn the old survival patterns. I am learning to grow. I am learning to be better than ever before. I am still not there but I will be some day. But what I really dislike is when anyone tries to guide me in a particular direction to find a solution of a problem which they percieved in me. No I really don’t need it. Maybe I have not been going through it or maybe I have already found the solution. Guiding me generally is what I welcome but perceiving a problem about me and then guiding me regarding it is something that makes me more anxious. It’s not that I don’t like to connect with others, actually I love to connect but it’s strange that I catch certain vibes so easily. I don’t get to know easily what’s there in somebody’s mind but I certainly catch any (almost all) kind of vibes. I don’t know why am I made like this but silence makes me feel connected with myself more than anything else and ultimately with some others too.

Untitled something for him.

I can let him go

if that will make him happy,

Even from a distance

seeing him happy makes me happy,

Though I feel he is not at his best,

his eyes are narrating a different story,

still trying to figure out life,

I wish with time he taps into all his glory.

The bond that we had I still have I feel,

We might end up breaking apart,

But that bonding that feeling even he can’t steal.

For what I have for him,

I fall short of words every time I try to write,

It’s not what he looks like or what he does,

It’s who he is that feels so right.

It’s not the first time I am writing for him,

I just could not show him my feelings ever,

I thought I didn’t need to

we were best friends,

I could apprehend this distance never.

I am not feeling any void,

I am feeling more whole than ever,

Some influences created the chaos in the journey,

Some people entered, snatching him, they could do it, they are clever,

I will let him go if I have to,

But won’t cheat on our bond ever.

Ego versus self-respect.

When you break somebody’s big ego, he/she will do anything in his/her capability to strengthen it again. No stone will be left unturned. Every fiber of that person’s being will call him/her to retaliate with anything and everything possible. Physical qualities, mental capabilities, charm, social influence, even misery will be displayed. This is the power and reaction of a fragile ego.

But it does not know the strength of self-respect. Self-respect does not compete and one cannot lose what one doesn’t compete for. Self-respect does not break, it is such a little part of one’s personality yet so strong like a diamond that it cannot be broken. Self-respect does not do anything to bring itself back to normal, it doesn’t actually need to because it’s unshakeable, calm and compost. And last but not the least, self-respect is so strong that it can break the biggest and strongest of ego.

Why She Has To Stand Tall

Why she has to stand tall,
She has learnt it the hard way.
She knows no tireness,
She knows no emotions,
She knows no relations,
She knows no remorse,
is all they think or say.
They see the obvious no doubt,
She chooses to show this side,
How indignant she felt at their thoughts,
She mostly chose to hide.
The times she showed remorse,
It was swayed with jestly innuendo;
The times she showed any emotion,
It was numbed with somebody else’s illusive emo-crescendo;
The times she showed tireness,
She was deemed to not rest but grind;
The times she valued relations,
She only got disappointments and no one of her kind.