Day-Dreaming..

I am playing scenarios in my head

Too good to be true,

I can feel you in them so close

Can you feel it too??

(Published on : 22nd March, 2021)

Impossible.

All the things I had to do for you

All the things I had to say to you

Have now stayed in my heart forever,

And I can’t blame only you

Because it’s true

That we could be many things

But we both chose to make it

‘IMPOSSIBLE’ forever.

Antidote to blasphemy.

Brutally breaking your little syringe of poison

That you try to insert in my vein,

Seeing me thriving in my real good self

Shattering a toxic fake image you tried to create about me

Must be for you a big unbearable pain.

Touching depth..

You put me in a different zone

A different feel..

Something to which I’ll always be unknown

My deepest desires

My deepest fears

My deepest self

Gets touched by you

And your words have the power over me

To cut me, give a wound or heal.

Lacking..

I lose interest out of nowhere

And it’s not that I don’t care,

I just have too many resposibilities to take

I have got very little time and soul to spare,

Love filled affection I lack today

That is something I really can’t fake.

Wandering soul..

Wanderlusting a different place

every single week,

I still have the audacity to say

I am not a freak,

I don’t know where I will truly find solace,

Since I know his arms are my truly peaceful place.

Finding you..

I have a very beautiful picture in my mind….

The stolen piece is my old you

That I am trying to find…..

21 things you probably couldn’t know from my ex.

Things my ex might have never told you:

1. I parallel park the car well.

2. He was not sapiosexual. He actually once said that he did not want this much intelligent girl like me for marriage.

3. I am quite spontaneous when it comes to dates. Wherever you want to go, I am ready to go there even in the middle of a cozy date.

4. I stay anxious for the first 5-10 minutes no matter how many times I have met you or how much comfortable I am with you.

5. I never told him ‘I love you’ in real, or say, face to face. [I have actually never said these words to any single person in real. Just couldn’t.]

6. Non-consensual foreplay doesn’t mean sex. Yup, I never did it. Doing only this much n this way was his definition of sex, not mine, it’s not even considered so generally. And yes, I didn’t even want to do that n he knew it. It was a mistake n there were deeper emotional reasons behind it related to someone else. I was not in love with my ex. I had moved on long before that.

7. I pay equally on dates.

8. I love to give gifts on special occasions.

9. I am too good at pampering my partner. (Sadly, which never got reciprocated).

10. I am a really (and I mean REALLY) good kisser.

11. His friends liked me. My friends never liked him.

12. He used to get more nervous than me while meeting me.

13. He could barely look into my eyes, seriously, never more than 2 seconds. I could see deception in his eyes easily sometimes. AND it was hella irritating to me when he couldn’t talk by maintaining eye contact for even a few seconds. It always hampered communication between us as I cannot talk without looking into someone’s eyes.

14. He was never loving or affectionate towards me. It was only one sided.

15. I tried to make him feel accountable for his wrongs n fought more than I did with anyone else.

16. He wanted to have sex with me, so that I could not be with someone, I fell in love with, after him. He knew about it. I had told him clearly about it. He just wanted to stay as the only one in my life even after treating me like the most worthless person of his life.

17. There was no love for him from my side after I told him that I had moved on (about 4 years ago).

18. We started off being good friends. And he ditched me even as a friend in the first 3 months of friendship only.

19. I am intimidating as fuck in real when I confront someone.

20. He had a lot of inferiority complexes soothing which I downplayed myself a lot and ended up boosting his ego a lot. He always underestimated my capabilities, I over-estimated many of his.

21. He was lowkey proud that I loved him and still made me feel worthless. PSYCHOPATH.

The point of sharing this is that if somebody’s ex tells you shit, you should confirm all that from that person unhesitantly. Why do you think that somebody becomes an Ex if they know someone really well n never lied??