THAT GIRL

A girl loving and liking
only the dunken dough-nut, waffles and malt,
Knowing the nature of world odd and snide,
Found comfort in things that never came to halt,
Having a kind, gentle and childlike heart,
She remembered each action of others,
Having deep emotions and sentivity being her nature’s part,
In the era of liking for materialistic possessions,
She was fond of, an admirer of, art
Alpines, trees, snow-flakes, waters, jungles, birds,
animals not put in a cage or cart,
She loved the poetry of nature
Yet aiming, for her goals keenly, with a surreal dart.

She had the innocence to dream like cyndrella,
Waiting for her prince charming,
but she got many a fake of princes
that made her senses more alarming.
Unlike the story of romeo n juliet,
She loved yet did not get the same in return,
which made her emotions, deep in her psyche churn,
She already had the wounds of the past
but they made them even more burn.

There came the king,
There came the silent lover,
There came someone with an obsession,
There came someone with power,
Though they lied n tried,
showed her their gullible pride,
But always her inner voice became her guide.

‘You can’t mess with a girl like that’
was her love song for whole of her life,
All she wanted was to be, for once,
one’s best friend and lover,
not to take up her burdens,
but to stay present with her in her strife.

(16th Nov, 2019)

How OCD and depression exist together and feel??

Depression alongwith aggravated OCD makes one feel hyper-alert while having no energy to be alert about anything. One has no desire to know anything anymore yet stays busy to correct something which one doesn’t even know what is wrong or the wrong which actually doesn’t exist.

Why would you count things, literally every single little thing as little as your breathing, to correct something that has nothing to do with it?? What would you correct that isn’t even wrong in the first place??

The anticipation of something to go wrong is the reason behind OCD; something that someone holds very dearly or important in one’s life, and if that thing has gone wrong multiple times in the past, then the person becomes extra cautious or obsessed or say moves into hyper-mode of anxiety about it. It’s frustrating and utterly exhausting, both mentally and physically.

Don’t tell me meditation n shit helps in this. It is a problem of rationalizing irrational thoughts and attaching irrational behaviour (compulsions) to those irrational thoughts by somehow rationalizing them after observing patterns between them.

Add depression to it; And you have enormous amount of inner conflict while you have no energy or desire to even do the bare minimum of daily life, and sometimes even breathing and staying awake feels like a burden to the mind.

WHY SHE HAS TO STAND TALL

Why she has to stand tall,

She has learnt it the hard way.

She knows no tireness,

She knows no emotions,

She knows no relations,

She knows no remorse,

is all they think or say.

They see the obvious no doubt,

She chooses to show this side,

How indignant she felt at their thoughts,

She mostly chose to hide.

The times she showed remorse,

It was swayed with jestly innuendo;

The times she showed any emotion,

It was numbed with somebody else’s illusive emo-crescendo;

The times she showed tireness,

She was deemed to not rest but grind;

The times she valued relations,

She only got disappointments and no one of her kind.

(22nd nov, 2019)

Holistic neutrality.

It’s not about a single race,

A single person,

A single place,

It’s more about the power in the wrong hands,

That many go through unsafe periods of even personal space;

“Power does corrupt

Absolute power corrupts absolutely”,

Laski was right..

If you ask me

there is no single ideology alone

That can lead and develop the world,

Holistic approach can only save us

Against this corruptive fight.

(Written on 3rd june, 2020)

Switched off intuition and confused myself..

I tried to switch off intuition

and now I am all perplexed,

I do feel the things in a certain way

trying to grasp the ‘why’s of everything,

Even while moving through the ruffled waters

I know where I am going

my intuition guides me my lane,

Now when I have switched it off I am feeling so low,

Feeling things, not vibes, in a confused way,

I don’t know what’s going where, like I am driving myself insane.

I think I turned against the nature,

Putting off something that makes the basic me,

That’s why the nature is punishing me,

The need is not to not feel things I am getting this now,

The need is to feel and be guided by my intuition and still be rational somehow.

(First published on 9th Jan, 2020)

Him and I, From a wolf tribe.

A lone wolf is my spirit’s drive,

Embracing my wilderness,

Claiming my authenticity,

Silent, calm and compost and scarcely seething angry,

Working all alone,

I am sure some day I will meet the one,

Honest, righteous and success hungry,

Whose frequency matches with my vibe,

I will meet the one from my own soul tribe.

(First published on 5th March, 2020)

Quote: Intellect.

An Intellectual Person tries to understand different perspectives and then critically evaluates them 🧠

A Fool laughs at everything he Fails to understand. 🤡

Susceptible to something..

Surrender of words,

Absence of feelings,

Tsunami of thoughts,

Absurdity of reelings,

Am I depressed??

Not yet..

Lusting to wander in nature,

Thunder, sunshine, flora or fauna’s creature,

Need something for nothing to do,

Desiring workload as well some leisure’s curvature,

Am I anxious??

Not yet !

Sonders..

When you couldn’t control yourself

Neither him

Nor her

Nor me.

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WHAT STILLNESS OF MIND IS..

Neither hopeful about something nor hopeless, you just have to make peace with what is. Situations might and will change in the future but you cannot take the present for granted. What exists now is real, everything else is your thought. Once you commit to improve your present, be positive, love yourself, love your life the way it is, everything good begins to get attracted to you. But it does not mean that only desirable events will happen, even negative and bad experiences will add to your life. Being positive does not mean that you can have or attract nothing negative in life once you choose to be positive, it just means that whatever will happen you will accept and handle it. You don’t feel lost when you live in reality. You know anything and everything takes efforts and yet the results are neither guaranteed nor parmanent, you can just have a plan in your mind and work towards it. Yin and yang is the law of nature, i.e. two contradicting forces always co-exist, thus any situation has both the sides to it, it all depends on your psyche how you see it particularly and that’s where your mindset comes into play. Moreover, there is always an invisible side to everything, that’s the force that keeps every kind of energy moving; although you may take something as positive or negative but that kinetic force is the one that keeps on changing the dynamics between any two sides of anything, be it separating those forces or uniting them. Your mind is definitely the most powerful thing and can control that dynamic or prove to be that third force but sometimes you really have to bring that energy to stillness, and stop thinking about it too much because if you won’t stop trying to control your future, then your future will begin to control your mind in the present. So, try to observe stillness of mind. It helps a lot in chaos. Stillness of mind does not mean making it numb, being unable to think through things straight, it actually means thinking straight about what is, and not about what can be and what should be. Some people specifically meditate for it, but according to me, it’s all about your level of understanding and perception. It also enhances your level of self-control and vice-versa.

(-17th Jan, 2020)