A lone wolf is my spirit’s drive,
Embracing my wilderness,
Claiming my authenticity,
Silent, calm and compost and scarcely seething angry,
Working all alone,
I am sure some day I will meet the one,
Honest, righteous and success hungry,
Whose frequency matches with my vibe,
I will meet the one from my own soul tribe.
(First published on 5th March, 2020)
Neither hopeful about something nor hopeless, you just have to make peace with what is. Situations might and will change in the future but you cannot take the present for granted. What exists now is real, everything else is your thought. Once you commit to improve your present, be positive, love yourself, love your life the way it is, everything good begins to get attracted to you. But it does not mean that only desirable events will happen, even negative and bad experiences will add to your life. Being positive does not mean that you can have or attract nothing negative in life once you choose to be positive, it just means that whatever will happen you will accept and handle it. You don’t feel lost when you live in reality. You know anything and everything takes efforts and yet the results are neither guaranteed nor parmanent, you can just have a plan in your mind and work towards it. Yin and yang is the law of nature, i.e. two contradicting forces always co-exist, thus any situation has both the sides to it, it all depends on your psyche how you see it particularly and that’s where your mindset comes into play. Moreover, there is always an invisible side to everything, that’s the force that keeps every kind of energy moving; although you may take something as positive or negative but that kinetic force is the one that keeps on changing the dynamics between any two sides of anything, be it separating those forces or uniting them. Your mind is definitely the most powerful thing and can control that dynamic or prove to be that third force but sometimes you really have to bring that energy to stillness, and stop thinking about it too much because if you won’t stop trying to control your future, then your future will begin to control your mind in the present. So, try to observe stillness of mind. It helps a lot in chaos. Stillness of mind does not mean making it numb, being unable to think through things straight, it actually means thinking straight about what is, and not about what can be and what should be. Some people specifically meditate for it, but according to me, it’s all about your level of understanding and perception. It also enhances your level of self-control and vice-versa.
(-17th Jan, 2020)
I am responding in ways that I had never had in my entire life.. It’s obvious for others to be shocked or surprised by this.. But it’s really for my good. I am loving it to be expressive. I am loving it that I can clear my mind off many vices of others by just writing a few words. I, most of the times, had to bear the brunt of others’ misdoings, but now, the way I am reacting and responding, I am just giving it back to them.
You can see me uplifting others and being compassionate without a string of fake laquer in it, but sometimes my dark side comes to the fore; the darkness of the shades others throw at me, which I know I never deserve. The darkness given to me by others that I had stored inside of me for years; the darkness that I did not deserve was the darkness that I almost had removed completely or almost with my spiritual light from inside of me, but the darkness others try to imbibe in me is completely an outside force which my whole being rejects and wants to throw it back at them. So, this is why I behave the way I do. I feel whole as a person and I cannot accept even an iota of something attacking me and my conscious truth, which does not and never did belong to me.
“I give you love and goodness and positivity freely, and I do not even expect anything in return. BUT I really don’t own anyone’s shit. Keep it in your own head and mouth. Be a bitch if you want to, but with others, not here, never here.”
I cannot explain this enough
how much I hate to be defensive
And explain my actions
As well as inaction..
Assume whatever
But keep it to yourself;
This is for whosoever
I came or will come into interaction;
I repeat
I owe nobody any explanation
For what I do
Or feel the need to show it off,
Although I may do it in fraction,
But I do everything to my standards’ satisfaction,
I steer my life in my own way,
I know what I did, doing and will do,
I don’t need from anybody else a single direction.
It’s good to be co-operative,
But not that much that you turn your back towards your enemies or haters as an invitation to them to stab you,
Even if it’s just a filthy talk,
You never know who hates you and for what reasons,
thus once you notice any red flag,
I hope you don’t try to turn it into a white flag of peace,
Or try to be a dove in front of a hawk.
Not afraid anymore,
About judgements,
About reputation,
About feeling too much,
About being feelingless,
About accepting and telling my truth,
About disappointing those who deserve to be disappointed,
About misunderstandings,
About my future,
About my telling my traumas,
About healing,
About failing,
About my weaknesses,
About showing my strength,
About standing up for myself,
About putting myself first,
About letting people go,
About throwing off negativity to its source,
About people,
About doing whatever the fuck I want to do,
Not Afraid Anymore.
Karma said, “I take your intentions and actions, together as well as separately. I take my time. I notice you doing everything, thinking everything. I am neither negative, nor positive. Some people relate my name to a punishment. But I am much better than that. While I have given the worst punishments, I have also given great rewards; I give you what you deserve. You may forget what you do but I will make you realize what you did when the time will be right. Nobody praying for anything to go for or against anyone else in the name of Karma is going to get their desires fulfilled just because they prayed that way, infact I will consider their prayers as their intentions and will put the same kind of vibe in their life, so that they can understand what they did. The person prayed about will get only what they put efforts or thoughts for. I make everyone realize everything and it’s upto them to take the lesson or not. When they learn something from me and let go of the desire to fight against it, I move to other lessons. The thinkers, the doers, in every sense, have to get back what they give to the universe. Even when you die, your soul will get everything back in the future lives. Choose to live wisely. There is no escape from me. Generally, I am neutral, don’t be afraid of me, be afraid of yourself and your deeds, or do everything good and right for yourself and others to love me and yourself.”
Healing is not easy, moving on is not easy. Your feelings can hit you anytime like a bull hitting you with his horns all out of a sudden. You feel drained again. You feel like fainting, like life should not exist anymore. You don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t even feel like thinking about it anymore but you realize a void suddenly. But it’s okay. You have gone through it before. You can pass through it once again. No darkness can exist for long when you have the capability to shine from within. Just like plants take time to grow, self-love requires time to heal those wounds; you have sown the seeds and are watering them daily, that’s enough for now. You don’t need to see the results right away. You just have to keep going, staying strong.
Hither and thither
Placing anything anywhere
Sprinkling sparkles on the ashes of what’s ruined
They think that they have achieved a blissful state
‘The bliss of ignorance.’
Digging deeper into what is unknown
Bolting the door shut to external screams
The peace that was always within me
I have found that bliss
‘The bliss of peace.’
I wish events could be different,
A little strange but straight,
I am feeling a game being played again,
I am sensing that churn in my gut again,
Can’t point at what exactly,
This is hitting my mind abruptly,
Something is seeming to be settling,
Something is seeming to be lost,
I wish if only I could point out at what
is making my heart feeling frost,
The time I could feel a rush of warmth,
I am feeling like I’m moving into pain again,
Dilemma between heart and mind,
I want to choose my heart again,
But the mind has a value that my heart could never gain,
Whatever and howsoever the events turn out to be,
I want to remain working and sane,
For my heart’s decisions have ditched me in the past,
It’s my mind that took me away from that burn,
I wish only those win in the end,
Who have loved truly,
know how to get hurt,
And from their mistakes how to learn,
For I am tired of figuring out what is boon, what is bane,
And tired of my efforts to always go in vain.
I Think For All 