Switched off intuition and confused myself..

I tried to switch off intuition

and now I am all perplexed,

I do feel the things in a certain way

trying to grasp the ‘why’s of everything,

Even while moving through the ruffled waters

I know where I am going

my intuition guides me my lane,

Now when I have switched it off I am feeling so low,

Feeling things, not vibes, in a confused way,

I don’t know what’s going where, like I am driving myself insane.

I think I turned against the nature,

Putting off something that makes the basic me,

That’s why the nature is punishing me,

The need is not to not feel things I am getting this now,

The need is to feel and be guided by my intuition and still be rational somehow.

(First published on 9th Jan, 2020)

Him and I, From a wolf tribe.

A lone wolf is my spirit’s drive,

Embracing my wilderness,

Claiming my authenticity,

Silent, calm and compost and scarcely seething angry,

Working all alone,

I am sure some day I will meet the one,

Honest, righteous and success hungry,

Whose frequency matches with my vibe,

I will meet the one from my own soul tribe.

(First published on 5th March, 2020)

WHAT STILLNESS OF MIND IS..

Neither hopeful about something nor hopeless, you just have to make peace with what is. Situations might and will change in the future but you cannot take the present for granted. What exists now is real, everything else is your thought. Once you commit to improve your present, be positive, love yourself, love your life the way it is, everything good begins to get attracted to you. But it does not mean that only desirable events will happen, even negative and bad experiences will add to your life. Being positive does not mean that you can have or attract nothing negative in life once you choose to be positive, it just means that whatever will happen you will accept and handle it. You don’t feel lost when you live in reality. You know anything and everything takes efforts and yet the results are neither guaranteed nor parmanent, you can just have a plan in your mind and work towards it. Yin and yang is the law of nature, i.e. two contradicting forces always co-exist, thus any situation has both the sides to it, it all depends on your psyche how you see it particularly and that’s where your mindset comes into play. Moreover, there is always an invisible side to everything, that’s the force that keeps every kind of energy moving; although you may take something as positive or negative but that kinetic force is the one that keeps on changing the dynamics between any two sides of anything, be it separating those forces or uniting them. Your mind is definitely the most powerful thing and can control that dynamic or prove to be that third force but sometimes you really have to bring that energy to stillness, and stop thinking about it too much because if you won’t stop trying to control your future, then your future will begin to control your mind in the present. So, try to observe stillness of mind. It helps a lot in chaos. Stillness of mind does not mean making it numb, being unable to think through things straight, it actually means thinking straight about what is, and not about what can be and what should be. Some people specifically meditate for it, but according to me, it’s all about your level of understanding and perception. It also enhances your level of self-control and vice-versa.

(-17th Jan, 2020)

Pioneer of my own life.

I cannot explain this enough

how much I hate to be defensive

And explain my actions

As well as inaction..

Assume whatever

But keep it to yourself;

This is for whosoever

I came or will come into interaction;

I repeat

I owe nobody any explanation

For what I do

Or feel the need to show it off,

Although I may do it in fraction,

But I do everything to my standards’ satisfaction,

I steer my life in my own way,

I know what I did, doing and will do,

I don’t need from anybody else a single direction.

Know the real deal.

It’s good to be co-operative,

But not that much that you turn your back towards your enemies or haters as an invitation to them to stab you,

Even if it’s just a filthy talk,

You never know who hates you and for what reasons,

thus once you notice any red flag,

I hope you don’t try to turn it into a white flag of peace,

Or try to be a dove in front of a hawk.

Synchronicity.

Believe me,

The right one will value you and your love

At the right time.

Everybody else is just temporary.

Internal conflict.

A part of me feels guilty for being this much privileged,

A part of me really grateful for the same,

A part of me wants to be of immense service to others,

A part of me too emotional

In search of love fulfilment,

digging all the parts’ grave.

Testing waters.

Testing my waters is going to be of no help,

When you don’t know how to swim.

Personal Blog- Volcanic Temperament.

One of my biggest problems is that when I get bored, I get too bored. Literally nothing can satisfy me. It’s not a kind of mood swing. I just need something to do, apart from my normal and then I feel like there is nothing apart from my normal. And, it usually happens when I miss somebody. Anger and frustration gets mixed up, and I feel highly energetic and it becomes almost impossible to release that energy, both mental and physical. In such a situation, either I become impulsive doing anything and everything I want to say or do, or become repulsive to every single thing and person, doing nothing at all, thinking nothing, feeling just like a zombie. Generally, I have a good self-control but when I decide to lose it, this moment arises. But the thing to remember here is that the moment is temporary but what I say in those moments is something that I have been keeping to myself for way too longer than required; high self-control is to be blamed here for that. It’s like my temperament is like a volcano.

Obssessive Compulsive Disorder, particularly of Perfectionism introduced.

Obssessive-Compulsive Disorder of Perfectionism is a real thing. Read the article in the link provided, you will get an insight into the issue.

/https://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-perfectionism/

First of all, your question must be what OCD is.

OCD is a psychological disorder, a very common one; both diagnostically (cases in millions) and otherwise.

It refers to Excessive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviours (compulsions). Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterised by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviours.

(Source: google)

People have OCD about different patterns, for example, cleanliness, orderliness, success, looks, a particular project (of which a broader and deeper OCD has to be looked into). Some people have it about losing others. Some go through it regarding perfectionism.

Now, let’s talk about the deep seated reasons behind it. The reasons vary from person to person but the common factor behind its preliminary invocation is the formulation of a pattern regarding something important to a person. For example, a person A wants to be a successful football player. He works really hard to get selected in his school football team. He is putting all the efforts into it. But just like any other thing, there is uncertainty of his selection which keeps him afraid of not being selected in the team. Whenever he started practicing, he had his ups and downs as usual, but meanwhile he started noticing that whenever he wore a particular pair of socks, he did hit the goal, at least more often than while wearing the other pairs of socks. With time, he began associating that pair of socks with his success in his game. Gradually it became a pattern in his mind. After that, he could not think of having the courage to wear any other pair of socks because of the fear of failure during play. Here, wearing that pair bacame a part of his OCD.

OCD is a pattern that arises out of deep fears, which even if the person recognizes within oneself, is, most of the times, unable to get rid of unless and until that fear gets eliminated from that person’s mind which is highly likely that it does not go away until the root or substance of that fear has gotten eliminated out of his/her life completely.

In the given article, the ways to tackle with the OCD of Perfectionism have been described well. Kindly read it at least once if you have a fear of failure or fear of what other people think about you or being any less than perfect in front of the others or yourself or fear of making mistakes in general.

Personally, I have had OCD of cleanliness, organisation, loss of people, perfectionism and that related to failure. I have gotten rid of four of them to a good extent and it happened when I faced those fears. I tried to not be too clean all the time. I tried to be messy for days. I lost people. But this fear of failure and perfectionism is something I still need to tackle with and heal. I am sharing about my own OCD because I want you to know that if one person can do it, others also can; also, if it can be tackled with in one sphere of life, it can be done so in other spheres as well.

I, mostly, used Cognitive Behavioural Therapy on myself. I know that it sounds strange but it can be done. You can talk to yourself. But I would prefer consulting a counsellor or psycho-therapist, whichever suits you because one cannot reach the right solutions on one’s own in psychological problems and is much more likely to fall into the abyss of chaos of thoughts rather than detangling that stuff and adopting a cause and effect approach rationally. I have gone for therapy also but that was for some other reasons years ago but due to that I can tell the difference.

In case you need to know how I did it, you may contact me. And, in case you have tackled with it, you are more than welcome to share your ways and story. It might help somebody. Like I am half there, it’s okay to be half there as well. Feel free to share.

Thanks. 🙂