Pioneer of my own life.

I cannot explain this enough

how much I hate to be defensive

And explain my actions

As well as inaction..

Assume whatever

But keep it to yourself;

This is for whosoever

I came or will come into interaction;

I repeat

I owe nobody any explanation

For what I do

Or feel the need to show it off,

Although I may do it in fraction,

But I do everything to my standards’ satisfaction,

I steer my life in my own way,

I know what I did, doing and will do,

I don’t need from anybody else a single direction.

Knowledge-A yardstick of utopianism.

You will move a mile

And think that you ran hundred

When you don’t have a yardstick to measure what you are doing.

People read and study a lot

Not for no reason,

It helps in knowing how much you know

How much you need to imbibe and learn

What you need to eliminate from your mind,

You can think that you have created something exceptional

Until you know that it’s already available, tested and dead;

Reading, studying and learning is so important

It eliminates the IGNORANCE dread.

(Getting the already existing knowledge, it’s opposition to test its veracity and the results that came out and the conclusions drawn is so important. People generally think a lot on their own and then feel that they know a lot, like they have found something exceptional, they keep those ideas with them for years, struggle to make them a reality, only to end up in knowing that the same ideas were carried out in the past and failed miserably. It’s not bad to carry on with the same or similar ideas again as there is still possibility of their success due to changed circumstances but thinking that they surely will end up in success, specially when the independent variables are uncontrollable, those ideas prove to be just utopian views. That’s why knowledge of what worked in the past and what did not is really very important, be it regarding any field or realm.)

NOT AFRAID ANYMORE.. 🙂

Not afraid anymore,

About judgements,

About reputation,

About feeling too much,

About being feelingless,

About accepting and telling my truth,

About disappointing those who deserve to be disappointed,

About misunderstandings,

About my future,

About my telling my traumas,

About healing,

About failing,

About my weaknesses,

About showing my strength,

About standing up for myself,

About putting myself first,

About letting people go,

About throwing off negativity to its source,

About people,

About doing whatever the fuck I want to do,

Not Afraid Anymore.

KARMA TALKS

Karma said, “I take your intentions and actions, together as well as separately. I take my time. I notice you doing everything, thinking everything. I am neither negative, nor positive. Some people relate my name to a punishment. But I am much better than that. While I have given the worst punishments, I have also given great rewards; I give you what you deserve. You may forget what you do but I will make you realize what you did when the time will be right. Nobody praying for anything to go for or against anyone else in the name of Karma is going to get their desires fulfilled just because they prayed that way, infact I will consider their prayers as their intentions and will put the same kind of vibe in their life, so that they can understand what they did. The person prayed about will get only what they put efforts or thoughts for. I make everyone realize everything and it’s upto them to take the lesson or not. When they learn something from me and let go of the desire to fight against it, I move to other lessons. The thinkers, the doers, in every sense, have to get back what they give to the universe. Even when you die, your soul will get everything back in the future lives. Choose to live wisely. There is no escape from me. Generally, I am neutral, don’t be afraid of me, be afraid of yourself and your deeds, or do everything good and right for yourself and others to love me and yourself.”

WHAT STILLNESS OF MIND IS..

Neither hopeful about something nor hopeless, you just have to make peace with what is. Situations might and will change in the future but you cannot take the present for granted. What exists now is real, everything else is your thought. Once you commit to improve your present, be positive, love yourself, love your life the way it is, everything good begins to get attracted to you. But it does not mean that only desirable events will happen, even negative and bad experiences will add to your life. Being positive does not mean that you can have or attract nothing negative in life once you choose to be positive, it just means that whatever will happen you will accept and handle it. You don’t feel lost when you live in reality. You know anything and everything takes efforts and yet the results are neither guaranteed nor parmanent, you can just have a plan in your mind and work towards it. Yin and yang is the law of nature, i.e. two contradicting forces always co-exist, thus any situation has both the sides to it, it all depends on your psyche how you see it particularly and that’s where your mindset comes into play. Moreover, there is always an invisible side to everything, that’s the force that keeps every kind of energy moving; although you may take something as positive or negative but that kinetic force is the one that keeps on changing the dynamics between any two sides of anything, be it separating those forces or uniting them. Your mind is definitely the most powerful thing and can control that dynamic or prove to be that third force but sometimes you really have to bring that energy to stillness, and stop thinking about it too much because if you won’t stop trying to control your future, then your future will begin to control your mind in the present. So, try to observe stillness of mind. It helps a lot in chaos. Stillness of mind does not mean making it numb, being unable to think through things straight, it actually means thinking straight about what is, and not about what can be and what should be. Some people specifically meditate for it, but according to me, it’s all about your level of understanding and perception. It also enhances your level of self-control and vice-versa.

DEMANDING TIME

And if I say one more time

I need some time

I feel I will lose you again

So I wear a smile

Not having a word to say

I can’t make you wait

I can’t get you now

I can’t let you go

I can’t make you stay

So just a smile I can give away.

I know there are many who want you

And I can’t do anything

Even if I stay

I think you will go away.

When I think of you

I remember the past

when I was helpless

the way I am now

I can’t even say

what I have in my mind,

Just want to win upon demons in my own mind.

Depressed soul like me is not meant for you,

I am trying to give upon my dark side

my shadow side.

If that love even begin

I want it to stay forever,

I can’t handle anymore

the repetition of the past ever.

Just in case I will have to lie,

I will just use a smile,

For what’s going on in my mind

I need to keep it to myself for a while,

For I know that you will help

And I don’t want to feel like a burden

I want to be happy,

Though not all out of a sudden.

Sometimes, I think I complicate things,

But then feel that I am just simplifying,

Though I know I am very strong

But half of me is dying.

This on and off is ripping me apart,

I don’t know what to say what time,

I feel the pull with a certainty,

The push also has a message sublime.

This feeling makes me so anxious,

How do I put my sanity at stake again,

I don’t want to feel like a burden,

I want to meet when on my own

I’ll be happy again.

WHAT TRANSFORMATION FEELS LIKE??

Do you ever feel like you have totally changed?? Like something died inside of you and something else is being born. You feel so weak for months and then day by day you start realizing that you have grown stronger than ever. You can bear a lot but at the same time you won’t allow anyone to hurt you, deceive you, betray you or make a fool out of you. You still have those good values that believe in humanity, brotherhood, integrity, etc. but you have become so dignified that almost nobody can shake you?? You don’t feel needy anymore. You don’t crave anything anymore. You don’t have care about what bad intentions anyone can have towards you. You just don’t care. You don’t care about who is thinking what about you, who is misunderstanding what about you, who is trying to figure you out, who is trying to mislead you, who is trying to guide you in the right direction, who is leaving you, who is trying to tarnish your image; you simply don’t care about anything. Literally about nothing and nobody. You don’t know where you are going but still in your heart and soul you can feel that you are going somewhere very beautiful; towards a very peaceful, successful and love-filled future. Something that feels very powerful, very transformative. You start crying out of nowhere, your body shakes and shivers out of nothing, you feel empty, you feel all the emotions at the same time, anxiety kicks you so hard, your heart keeps breaking over and over again, you feel mentally disturbed a lot, you feel like nothing is working and then when you really hit the rock bottom and feel like you have lost everything like your life has ended, it has no meaning, you are useless, you don’t know what to do, you have your plans but still you don’t work for them, you start remembering all of your traumas and count all of your failures and remember all the lives you have lost in your life, and then suddenly you go silent, completely silent. That silence guides you. It makes you flow with the universe. It works as a form of surrender. But then you begin to send affirmations to the universe about what you want, how you want it, and exactly at what time you are going to get it. And, it starts happening. You suddenly begin to work on yourself. You don’t even care if you are depressed, happy, angry, sad or whatever, you just don’t care. You become so strong mentally that you begin to think that whatever will happen I will handle it.

You are born to learn a few lessons at different points in your lifetime, thus you may go through all this every single time. The stronger and older your soul, the harder your lessons will be.

WHY THE GOOD ONES ALWAYS LEAVE

Now I understand why the good ones always leave.

Because their efforts are never matched; if ever they do, it’s scarce.

Because they put so much of good intentions for the other that they feel the void of having left with no energy for themselves.

Because they put up with so many discriminatory situations of which the other person wouldn’t put up with even the half.

Because they get so frustrated of ignorance and abandonment that they start doubting their own existence or worth.

Because they get so tired of giving that they are left with nothing to give anymore.

So, in the end, they leave, completely exhausted.

Ego versus self-respect.

When you break somebody’s big ego, he/she will do anything in his/her capability to strengthen it again. No stone will be left unturned. Every fiber of that person’s being will call him/her to retaliate with anything and everything possible. Physical qualities, mental capabilities, charm, social influence, even misery will be displayed. This is the power and reaction of a fragile ego.

But it does not know the strength of self-respect. Self-respect does not compete and one cannot lose what one doesn’t compete for. Self-respect does not break, it is such a little part of one’s personality yet so strong like a diamond that it cannot be broken. Self-respect does not do anything to bring itself back to normal, it doesn’t actually need to because it’s unshakeable, calm and compost. And last but not the least, self-respect is so strong that it can break the biggest and strongest of ego.

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