Self-love is crucial for loving the other.

A person who doesn’t love himself cannot understand it when you love him a lot but when you say why you hate him or he doesn’t deserve you, he will think that you kept it real with him, because only the second part feels real to him as it matched his own inner identity. He will chase others who won’t truly care for him at all, respect would be a far off thing to be given to him, because it will feed his ego; the ego that will create intensity in him and he would feel that the intensity was love.

A person who loves and respects himself will accept only those people in his life who respect him upto the same level, although love won’t be involved, because he doesn’t know how and why somebody won’t respect him as he has earned respect for himself by doing right/good deeds in life, and if he won’t get it from others, he will remove those people from his life.

The former will be happy in receiving crumbs due to lack of self love, and will think that love is about giving crumbs only whereas the latter will love completely in every sense because he has known love in that sense due to loving himself completely. YOU LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK WHAT LOVE IS.

Standards set.

Let me tell you all- There are guys out there who respect girls. Not the special kind of respect, but as much as they respect their brethren. They do not fake goodness in front of others while doing sneaky stuff from behind the scenes. They do not make or let anyone hanging. They respect privacy. They love to the core of their heart. They tease you but not to trigger you but to make you feel goofy. They do not try to know about you to keep an upper hand over you or to stay a step ahead of you in their self created ‘love and courtship game’. They are focussed on their career. They have their shit together without using others or bringing others into their chaos. They are kind. They help others without expecting anything in return. They do not have an agenda behind doing anything good for others. They know the meaning of equal exchange. They are not inconsiderate; they do not boast only about what they did for others but also talk about what others did for them. They are affectionate. They are not addictive of alcohol, money or sex, as they respect themselves, their body and mind. They are focussed on good future despite being broken over and over again in the past. They have feelings and are not afraid to show them openly. They can be vulnerable and can control their vulnerability when required but never at the cost of breaking someone else heart. They are ambitious but not boastful about it. They know their worth but they are not over-confident about what they bring to the table, they let their actions talk. They are not cynical about the womenfolk without any reason or cause. They do not hate or play mind games with women secretly while playing good and charming from the front. They are assertive, not aggressive. They know their strengths as well as their weaknesses and they do not project their weaknesses onto others. They are competitive but at the right place i.e. in their career and talents, not with one or two other people. They appreciate beauty of other females but never at the cost of their lover’s sense of security. They are not jealous and possessive when their lover has men as friends. They think about the world at large and they think about their family as their world as well. They respect their parents and still can tell them where they go wrong politely without feeling guilty about it. They are passionate for love and they are passionate for their ambitions.

BIG RESPECT FOR SUCH GUYS.

And having said that, if somebody is not exactly one of those guys, I really don’t want him in my life.

These standards of character and behaviour may be way too much for a lot of Boys but only basic for those Praise-worthy Men.

Unhealthy relationships- Deal breakers.

Deal breakers in any relationship:

Trying to trigger insecurity.

Trying to make jealous.

Running away to someone else whenever it gets tough to stay.

Being unapologetic and unreasonable together for a single action.

Disrespecting over and over again.

Questioning and judging every action of other that goes against one’s advantageous position.

Non-reciprocity.

Dishonesty and disloyalty.

Degrading and provoking other despite one being faulty first.

Playing single despite being in a relationship.

Triangulation by comparing them with a third party.

Manipulation.

Gaslighting.

Inconsistency for a long time; on and off many a times.

Blame-game by blaming them for things that one actually does to them and against them secretly.

Creating confusion in other’s mind to take advantage of the situation.

If any of these incidents happen more that twice, it’s that person’s personality and not a mistake. You need to cut off such person from your life. You do not need that kind of toxicity, in order to function properly. Let them be all that you don’t want in your life, and give upon the idea of changing them. Nothing can change somebody who is comfortable in doing something for a long period of time and if it results into your disavantage-physical, mental, emotional and/or social, then that person is a liability and a burden on you, and no amount of your love, respect, loyalty, honesty, free spirit, achievements or cooperation is going to change them. Please give up and live your life peacefully.

One by two.

It’s the privilege for soups,

Not people.

At last.

Seems like neither she gives a single fuck now,

Nor do I,

She knew who was better for her,

Now also I.

Unhealed wounds, issues, and reasons..

What fucks me up a lot is if I do not give my 100% to something or someone, even on 90%, I am worthless, whereas if the other person even gives 10% more from 0 or 10% to 10% or 20%, then that person is valuable. Those who even compare don’t know what they think about, like they never evaluate each and everything related to somebody in the past, they just consider the current vibes and let it make them their decision. Don’t be so biased even if you love to compare. And then I feel like I was never meant to be valued. I had begun feeling like it was only in my mind but really, I have seen this pattern a lot of the times(even since childhood). One good deed by somebody else makes them the best because they maintained a level of disappointment most of the times whereas one disappointment from me makes me the worst one despite not letting myself disappoint them in the past continually for a long time. And when it happens a lot of the times, this bias, it takes the best of me, and then I break down mentally completely; heartbreak alongwith mental breakdown feels devastating or nothing at all, it’s either hell lot of anxiety and depression together or complete shut down and numbness. Then, I don’t know what do I have to do in even the easiest of situations. Every wrong, big or small, tends to trigger irritability and acute anger which only I know how hard is to control. I have always been edgy from the inside and I think I can never show that except to my own family. It feels like I am psychotic angry, which I know I am not, because as deeply n intensely I feel, I can never show what it is; you may say it’s a kill or be killed kind of anger, I don’t know anything lesser than that. I control it, and become more frustrated. But the reasons given above trigger it every single time and it’s because I have abandonment issues for the same reason and those wounds open up every time and I don’t even know the reasons of the other side else than that their behaviours are inherently biased.

Waiting for the beauty of life. 💞☯️💐

I cannot tell how much I feel the need to know new people, some good and lively energy. The people among whom you can set your own worth standards and they actually meet them; people with whom you can talk freely about anything and everything, and even silence feels very comfortable; people with whom you can roam around freely not having any hard and fast rule about what “kind” of place you like or not; people with whom you can go for meals in your night suit or maybe cook one together; people with whom you don’t feel judged for being completely yourself as weird, strange or awkward; people to whom your history doesn’t matter but those who still consider past and future and do not be fickle by staying only in the “now” or “in the moment”; people who know the meaning of real reciprocity, and do not only brag about what they do for you rather be acknowledging and thankful for what you do for them as well; people who love to learn and are curious to learn to love are my kind of people that I am so eagerly waiting for.

Ground yourself.

You may be physically ill, mentally disturbed, emotionally low, dealing with a hell load of responsibilities at home and about career, not talking about them to anyone, for you know they are your responsibilities, yet you’ll find somebody thinking and ranting why did not you give them enough attention or didn’t care about their emotional mess or whatever..

“Darling, people have their own life, their own problems, which can be much more than yours, and which they are used to handling on their own. Stop acting like you are the centre of the universe. Learn reciprocity. Embrace understanding. Learn to give importance to others as well. Other people also have needs. “

Nightmare of Helplessness-Interpretation required.

This is a paragraph that I have found as a dream interpretation. I don’t know why I see some horrible dreams full of helplessness. I need some more clues or clear interpretation as to what actually they mean.

So, today I saw one such dream, or I say, a nightmare. Dream was quite long but I am writing about only that part that is bothering me the most.. My father and I were in a marketplace and he had an argument with a wholesale merchant about the price of some products, which he denied to buy, started going down a lane in the open in frustration. I was following him. I was a kid. I heard the merchant calling some men for attacking us. My father was walking with a good speed, I was lagging behind. I was trying to speed up as he was not listening to me when I was trying to tell him what I heard. Suddenly, a group of four-five goons came, held him and did beat him so mercilessly. They broke his that arm completely whose elbow was broken in real. He was drenched in blood. He initially tried to fight but all in vain. It all happened within seconds. They kept on beating him, and finally he died. I was at a distance, some people held me and I screamed like never before out of innate helplessness. Then I woke up.

Once in a while, I see such nightmares of immense helplessness in which always a group is attacking, mostly I see myself being attacked by mob, stabbed with knives, or killed in some ruthless ways. Fights, Bloodshed and death by a group or mob is the main theme of most of my nightmares. This time it was related to my father, which increased my intensity manifolds, that too about which I could not do anything. This was the feeling of helplessness like never before.

Is there anyone who can interpret dreams/nightmates and their symbols paychologically or throw some light?

Depth and fire, lost.

As much as I am thinking about you,

I know you deserve much more than a rebound,

These feelings are flowing from somewhere unknown

The place in the dark I had kept them locked away

The place of value I have slowly found,

But I know I have lost it

I have lost it with you

Something that could be the best of my life

It was you who could love me passionately, insanely yet deeply, safe and sound.