As much as I am growing up or growing older, I am going back to my nature as it was in my childhood. You never know, when all that shit happens, whether you are becoming a different new person or just coming back home to yourself..
(See tags to know what I mean by my nature.)
You under-estimate my capacity of self-control, and that how much of it I need to hold. I am a person who is driven intensely emotionally and yet stays highly rational most of the times. Stay assured that I can cut someone to pieces cold-heartedly in anger if that one deserve it, yet I will control myself enough not to do it because it’s illegal. I can love someone to death intensely, yet I will consider that one non-existent if he deserves that kind of treatment. I am an extreme paradox with high self-control, and that’s what makes me feel so powerful and efficiently working that many people fail to understand.
(16th Aug, 2021)
Why people find me too difficult to deal with:
1. I don’t get impressed with anything.
2. I don’t let anyone validate/control me.
3. I protect my boundaries like nothing else.
4. I am mostly on my own, about 99% of the times, and thus never afraid to live completely alone.
5. My mind catches their bullshit (if any) quicker than they can think of, although I don’t let them know about it longer they can think and I don’t fall into emotional trap as I am basically and generally an emotionally detached person.
And, this is healthy. This is way too healthy for confused and mentally unhealthy people that I get to know, and those who can maintain this level of these traits in their own personality do never or rarely find me difficult.
(2nd Aug, 2020)
Did I say it out loud
Or didn’t I say it loud enough??
The question is not how you said it
Still the answer lies in what somebody heard in it.
You can pour your heart out for years-
Singing, rhyming, reciting poetry,
Making public displays of affection,
But the one who doesn’t want to feel it,
Will find it merely a noise to the ears.