The worst thing you will do to yourself is to contain your power to soothe other people’s ego. Let them be petty. Let them be miserable. Let them be the complainant. Let them be foolish. Let them be toxic dramatic. Let them be the high-handed in their own world. You can kick their asses without even touching them, just by being yourself, and just by doing you with your whole energy speaking for you. You may think that those you love or loved will appreciate how much you shrink yourself to balm their insecurity and inferiority complexes, but they will not appreciate it. Some of them will say that they never asked you to do so. Some will blame you saying that you could choose different or better. The blame in the end goes to you. Some will say that you did not do enough for them, no matter how tough you were living for them, or they wanted different. How much can you shrink yourself for such thankless petty people?? Why would not you choose yourself rather than those ugly souls?? Hear me clear ! It’s okay to hurt people and be unkind to them if they expect you to contain yourself in a little box, frustrating yourself with all that energy wanting to expand yet trying to explode you in that little space. You do not deserve to explode when you are meant to expand, and trust me, you can expand beyond your own expectations, specially when people around you do not want you to see your worth.
I want to give an advice to young women/girls who want to get married at some point in their life. Actually, there are many points that I want to discuss under this topic and you may also find many advices online as well as offline regarding marriage. But there is one point that I want to put some light on which is often ignored while considering a life partner.
If you are a woman who is ambitious, takes her own decisions, works her ass off, is a go-getter, and is a provider, in short, the one who has most of the qualities of an Alpha Female, you need to see the family structure of the man if you are interested in him for marriage or life partnership or relationship. I am saying this because I have seen this pattern a lot in society that when and if the females of the family in which a man has grown up, did not work in office, and were by nature-submissive, coy, and silent, that man is going to want the same from his life-partner sub-consciously. It doesn’t matter how much educated or modernised he became, the years (decades) of mental training he got from his family sub-consciously is not going to change even if he finds the otherwise for himself consciously. He would want you to be the same meek and coy woman. Your boundaries will be aggressive to him. Your desires and ambition will make him feel insecure and he would like to impose his dogmatic thinking upon you just like his family’s females were pressed upon and taught to abide by the thinking and orders of the men in his family. He cannot comprehend that you can Think and Do better than him. His insecurities will start acting up whenever you will point out at his flaws, even if done politely. He may even be envious of your work and power because he was conditioned in his psyche’s developmental stages that women are not the Alpha and are meant to be protected and guided only. He may point at your frankness as rudeness. For him, submissive silence is elegance and speaking your mind will be needed to be in a controlled manner according to his dictates.
There will be, most of the times, power struggle between you two because you are an Alpha female and he may feel powerless because of that, so he will try to over-power you to soothe his ill-conditioned mind, and then there might be fights, manipulation and even separation between you two.
What do you think-is it better not to engage with such a man or is it better to engage and then be forced to leave in the end?? Or you can be ultra-submissive just like his family’s females and give upon your own power and capabilities and ambition to soothe his fragile ego??
(PS: Don’t come here with your feminist or anti-feminist mentality regarding this post. It’s about a particular kind of a man. The propositions may be relative to patriarchy but I did not point out at that. This advice is solely for alpha females who also love with whole of their being, so, kindly, do not come with the contention that love is adjustment and all. Those are different topics. I intended to write exactly about a very small fraction of possibilities.)