Empathy

Empathy is not synonymous to love. When you see somebody vibing low, you will feel low. But it does not mean that it’s because of love. It’s just your nature. Stop soaking other people’s vibes.

THAT GIRL

A girl loving and liking
only the dunken dough-nut, waffles and malt,
Knowing the nature of world odd and snide,
Found comfort in things that never came to halt,
Having a kind, gentle and childlike heart,
She remembered each action of others,
Having deep emotions and sentivity being her nature’s part,
In the era of liking for materialistic possessions,
She was fond of, an admirer of, art
Alpines, trees, snow-flakes, waters, jungles, birds,
animals not put in a cage or cart,
She loved the poetry of nature
Yet aiming, for her goals keenly, with a surreal dart.

She had the innocence to dream like cyndrella,
Waiting for her prince charming,
but she got many a fake of princes
that made her senses more alarming.
Unlike the story of romeo n juliet,
She loved yet did not get the same in return,
which made her emotions, deep in her psyche churn,
She already had the wounds of the past
but they made them even more burn.

There came the king,
There came the silent lover,
There came someone with an obsession,
There came someone with power,
Though they lied n tried,
showed her their gullible pride,
But always her inner voice became her guide.

‘You can’t mess with a girl like that’
was her love song for whole of her life,
All she wanted was to be, for once,
one’s best friend and lover,
not to take up her burdens,
but to stay present with her in her strife.

(16th Nov, 2019)

WHY SHE HAS TO STAND TALL

Why she has to stand tall,

She has learnt it the hard way.

She knows no tireness,

She knows no emotions,

She knows no relations,

She knows no remorse,

is all they think or say.

They see the obvious no doubt,

She chooses to show this side,

How indignant she felt at their thoughts,

She mostly chose to hide.

The times she showed remorse,

It was swayed with jestly innuendo;

The times she showed any emotion,

It was numbed with somebody else’s illusive emo-crescendo;

The times she showed tireness,

She was deemed to not rest but grind;

The times she valued relations,

She only got disappointments and no one of her kind.

(22nd nov, 2019)

Astrological Personality

Western Astrology:

Virgo- Sunsign/Zodiac Sign.

Scorpio- Moon Sign.

Capricorn- Rising/Ascendant Sign.

Reminiscing my nature.

I can’t even explain how I think. Many live in and for experiences. I really don’t seek them. I don’t seek events to make memories about them. I don’t think that we are what we create or some experiences can create us (ok particularly me here). How I take experiences is purely the mental stimulators or catalysts for different thinking. As far as I remember nothing has changed me much. Those who know me now or at whatever period of time they might have known me may think that I have changed a lot. But that’s not true. They have only seen my behaviour for a short period of time n for a few events or so on but my basic nature has always been like this only.

I was always quiet in front of the outsiders (school, college, relatives functions, strangers etc.) and quiet in my own home maybe for eternity.. but.. whenever I wanted to socialise I was one hella fun person. I was always the one who organised family functions to the T (not the labour part, ok). I was always sporty whenever anyone came to the house (n got comfy in the family) to play a game or two. I made jokes whenever I observed something laugh-worthy in the surroundings. I was analysing situations, people’s behaviour and dynamics of different kinds right from my very childhood (like since the age of 6-7 years old). I always observed a lot. Like really.. I can very confidently say that I filter about 95-98% of things that I observe just because I find them quite useless including people who think that they can always sneak, tresspass, abuse n escape.. “Nope ! You didn’t. I did let you because you are not important at all.” If you think that I have become angrier, that too, is in my nature by birth, though the outlets have changed. I used to store it all or tended to flush off that energy by playing cricket for two hours daily in the evening (though with my brother n father only). It was really a good release of energy then. Now I feel like not storing any shit in my mind n release it all through words. If we talk about confidence. I always had a very good amount of self-confidence but I was always quiet about it because I was getting regular recognition about my capability through professors n results etc. Now I have to show it in other ways because of the wake of social media as in this era if you don’t verbalise or show your capabilities, then you are considered not to have them at all and those who are ept at showing off, become successful, though they might have half of your capabilities.

The point is.. I was always more or less similar..Not much has changed.. Neither my nature, nor my strength.. It’s just that those who have started to know different sides of me or my deeper layers, they think that I have changed a lot; they actually never knew me. Really.. Never..

Strangest thing about me: I do the things, I hate to do, the most. This one I still cannot understand why. Sooner or later, I end up doing things that I really hate.

Strongest point about me: I really, and by this I mean REALLY, I don’t give a fuck about who thinks what about me.

Weakest point about me: I won’t actualise something until I have done it to perfection, exactly the way I visualised it, and even after reaching that point I keep polishing it so that it can reach a point to my utmost satisfaction.

The best thing I find about my life: No matter how filthy situations, events or people I deal with, my bounce back game is strong AF, stronger than many, and I don’t mean it by the show off part, I mean it about things considered valuable.

(Originally posted on 28th Dec, 2020)

Self-love is more crucial.

Love will drift your mind to new places

Self-love will bring you to those places.

(Written on 2nd dec,2020)

THE PARADOX

You under-estimate my capacity of self-control, and that how much of it I need to hold. I am a person who is driven intensely emotionally and yet stays highly rational most of the times. Stay assured that I can cut someone to pieces cold-heartedly in anger if that one deserve it, yet I will control myself enough not to do it because it’s illegal. I can love someone to death intensely, yet I will consider that one non-existent if he deserves that kind of treatment. I am an extreme paradox with high self-control, and that’s what makes me feel so powerful and efficiently working that many people fail to understand.

(16th Aug, 2021)

Top reasons for why I am difficult.

Why people find me too difficult to deal with:

1. I don’t get impressed with anything.

2. I don’t let anyone validate/control me.

3. I protect my boundaries like nothing else.

4. I am mostly on my own, about 99% of the times, and thus never afraid to live completely alone.

5. My mind catches their bullshit (if any) quicker than they can think of, although I don’t let them know about it longer they can think and I don’t fall into emotional trap as I am basically and generally an emotionally detached person.

And, this is healthy. This is way too healthy for confused and mentally unhealthy people that I get to know, and those who can maintain this level of these traits in their own personality do never or rarely find me difficult.

(2nd Aug, 2020)

Preferences.

I would rather die of eating chocolates than depression,

Of loving too much than not loving at all,

Of reading too much useful n useless stuff than ignorance,

Of over-thinking than under-working brain,

Of intensity than a dull life that others train.

(19th Sept, 2020)

Personal blog on Why I don’t go with the flow.

Why don’t I only observe where the other person goes and just go with the flow??

1. I do observe. I have observed a lot more than anyone can imagine and by the time other people think that I need to start observing, I have already observed enough and even concluded what’s happening and what would happen. I am not only intuitive psychically, I observe patterns much better than that.

2. If I will only keep on observing, then I will give my power to the other person to take the decision for me.

3. When I have concluded something based on observation and intuition and I am still not taking action based on that, both of them will prove to be futile; and I will always take the right action based on my principles, not based on what other people try to show me on surface level. I am almost immune to manipulation of any kind.

4. I want to save the other person and myself from wasting time and energy and just want to come to the point and set things straight for the future. I am mostly future oriented.

5. I don’t like to go with the flow. Only dead fish go with the flow. And I think that the universe has created me like this for a reason, and the reason can be to create the flow for myself and others. If everyone will be indecisive and keep on thinking about going with the flow, then even the universe will lose its mind (😂) that nobody does anything on their own. If I can do something, why would I put it in other people’s hands?

(27th feb,2020)

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