If my tears ever mattered,
You wouldn’t have let me cry,
If my smile ever mattered,
you would be here,
If my happiness ever mattered,
You wouldn’t have acted ignorant,
If I ever mattered,
You wouldn’t have left.
(Written in 2018 published on 6th sept, 2020)
All the things I had to do for you
All the things I had to say to you
Have now stayed in my heart forever,
And I can’t blame only you
Because it’s true
That we could be many things
But we both chose to make it
‘IMPOSSIBLE’ forever.
I don’t know only pain of love. I have educational pain as well.
Educational pain is not always failing in an exam. Educational pain sometimes looks like this– You clear a national exam. You relinquish the claim, and a few years later, you need to clear it again.
My sleeplessness and nightmares are in constant battle
Of ‘which state is painful more.’
People destroy your life beyond repair
And then expect you to sympathize with their pity party.
Because why not?
Crocodile tears shown afterwards always have appeal.
They did not listen,
They never could..
Not that they were deaf
Their hunger was more important
They ran together in hundreds
Having no hearth to live in
Didn’t strike their mind what they could
And keeping a distance from their brethren
Was what they should.
Grief of death was big
Grief of living was bigger to contain
You live in beautiful houses
Spending time in luxury
You can understand that perception
It’s hard to feel their pain.
A part of me feels guilty for being this much privileged,
A part of me really grateful for the same,
A part of me wants to be of immense service to others,
A part of me too emotional
In search of love fulfilment,
digging all the parts’ grave.
Testing my waters is going to be of no help,
When you don’t know how to swim.
One of my biggest problems is that when I get bored, I get too bored. Literally nothing can satisfy me. It’s not a kind of mood swing. I just need something to do, apart from my normal and then I feel like there is nothing apart from my normal. And, it usually happens when I miss somebody. Anger and frustration gets mixed up, and I feel highly energetic and it becomes almost impossible to release that energy, both mental and physical. In such a situation, either I become impulsive doing anything and everything I want to say or do, or become repulsive to every single thing and person, doing nothing at all, thinking nothing, feeling just like a zombie. Generally, I have a good self-control but when I decide to lose it, this moment arises. But the thing to remember here is that the moment is temporary but what I say in those moments is something that I have been keeping to myself for way too longer than required; high self-control is to be blamed here for that. It’s like my temperament is like a volcano.
“Right in the middle of chaos,
When the eyes lose their dreams,
When the mind will be shattered,
When the soul will feel like flying away from your body,
When the blood will be cold,
When the sun will feel eclipsed,
When the winds will turn into storms,
When the hills will be melting,
When there will be no hope,
I’ll meet you there”, he said,
The one who wants to hold me tight,
And wants to win for me any fight,
with that selfless love,
My imaginary lover;
My darkness would haunt me with these thoughts
The thoughts of my past..
With a hope in my heart
To find hope and love in someone else forever.
There is no mess, storm and darkness,
My blood is free flowing,
My soul is pure,
I am my own cure,
My mind full of light and existence glowing;
I am glad that I found my love,
Within me, for me, forever. ❤
I Think For All 