Once an Avid-Reader..

Just a list of Books I have had read in the past, online. The list is not exhaustive as there were books and series of books like Harry Potter series-my first ever novel reading (in school n college), Pride and Prejudice(college), Othello(college), etc. and then donated those books as I didn’t feel like reading anything again, once read. The tick marked ones in the given list are still downloaded in my google books play directory, others with the mark of ‘downloadable’ are those which I removed from my downloaded list, but which can be downloaded again.

I am sharing this because I was such a avid-reader of novels that touched my heart and piqued my mind’s curiosity to delve into them more and more, that I even finished reading two-three books of the same novel series in a single day. But then I stopped reading novels about two years ago and other non-fictional books by the end of 2019. The reason is purely lack of interest. I just stopped delving into and/or dwelling into the fantasy world, because when you read a novel, you somehow can connect yourself to the characters and I didn’t feel like doing that anymore because my personal life’s situations got changed drastically, and thus, I felt that I could never relate to any fiction. Probably, in the future I will be able to connect with and read more of fiction as well as non-fiction, but, as of now, I have bid adieu to this reading addiction, and I am sure that it’s for good. 🙂

PS- Please zoom in the image to read the names of the soft copies of books. I could not write their names as the list is long.

My personal obsessions.

Do you have strange attractions or obsessions for certain things/objects??

I have a few of them apart from the water bodies, mountains, sky and nature in general. Here is the list,

1. Different kinds of money notes- From Rupee one to any amount of any currency, I feel like having all kinds of notes.

2. Buttons– I just love fancy buttons; colourful, sparkling, glittery, smooth, coarse (I mean different textures). The more diverse, the better.

3. Gems, Crystals and stones- Almost all kinds of gems; more than that crystals and crystal crockery is love. Stones generally which can be found on the river bank or sea shore, having different textures and colours. Transparent ones are the most attractive. I don’t like sea-shells though (eewwww, why would you carry a part of an animal with you??).

4. Sparkles– The stationery glitters and sparkles. I guess many people love that.

5. Colours– Not on anything but powdered colours, as simple as that. The more diverse, the more brightly hued, the better.

6. Flowers and herbs– All kinds of flowers are lovely, red roses are my most favourite though. I want to have my own botanical garden having a varied amount of herbs and flowers in it.

7. Stationery products– Honestly, it’s hard to stop myself from buying a stationery product whenever I go to the market or anybody from my family goes to the market. How can I not like a beautiful eraser, pen, pencil or notebook?? I have had a lot of notebooks and I still have this obssession of using a new one for writing something new.

8. Schedulers– I love to manage time and I love to have a few different kinds of schedulers for all of my activities. They range from exercise and food to work and study, in terms of days,calculating everything in terms of hours,days, weeks n months. I am literally obssessed with planning, organising and managing time and energy.

9. Lights– Be them colourful or white, I just love lights and lighting instruments, from simplest ones like a lamp made of mud to the fanciest ones like a big chandelier full of crystals.

Couldn’t think of other obssessions yet.

Oh yeah..Obssessed with my partner, in case I have one. 😜

Robbing the veracity of victim’s truth. Tactics of a narc-part-3

“You are not sounding good.”

“You are miserable.”

“You cannot live peacefully.”

“You have inner work to do and improve upon what you say.”

“You are bitter.”

“You know only fight.”

“Spare me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Leave me alone. I don’t want to listen to you.”

“ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS CONSIDER YOU MAD.”

A few responses of a narcissist when you begin to speak your truth; because when you do not share anything to anyone, the narcissist has an upper hand over you as he can tell anything to anyone about you, about your relationship with the narc, and your relation with others. It’s quite easy to brainwash others when you stay silent. When you begin to share your side of the story, that is the time when the narc pulls this kind of tactics to break you, shun you and silence your voice. It will never be done with facts. It will always be done with emotionally and socially acceptable manipulation in which your behavioural standard is first of all lowered down by getting a reaction out of you after giving you sly remarks on your work, ethics, behaviour, character etc. about which nobody or very few people (narc’s joinders) know, and when your behaviour comes out as sometimes socially unacceptable, then the narc uses this kind of manipulation to demean you and to lower the veracity of your reality in the eyes of others by showing them that there is a problem in you, not in the narc.

Always remember that the one telling the truth in a dynamic with a narc always sounds crazy, and it’s easy for the narc to prove it because the victim generally stays silent for a very long time due to various reasons (which I will discuss later) and when it becomes almost impossible to hide the truth, then the emotions explode intensely which makes others feel like the victim is imbalanced and of which narc always takes advantage.

How can you know who is lying here??

Ask for the explanation in details about the reality of each side from each side. Most often, the narc will reply with “I don’t know” or “I am wrong. I accept that. Please leave me alone.” or “She/he is crazy.” Or “I have better things to do. She/he needs help.” This kind of responses are given because the narc never has clarity of thought and those (narcs) who have, they have planned every step on how to bind the other person in a mental loop of abusive action and intense reaction. The explanation will never be factual from the narc’s side, mostly emotional, with distorted facts involving mostly the blame game or pity party.

Victim feels attacked for years and stays silent but when finally reacts, is considered insane, bitter, or narc and all the time when the victim stays silent, staying away from people due to depression or anxiety or paranoia that anybody can be an acquaintance of the narc, then the victim is considered self-centered and selfish (again the blame game).

My advice here is that, if you ever feel abused mentally or emotionally, do not stay silent about it. Talk about it to somebody trustworthy, and never to anyone in common relation to you and the narc. The more you will delay the reactions, the more you will sound crazy because at some point other people will also think that why you did not say anything at the time of abuse, and then you cannot explain enough.