Robbing the veracity of victim’s truth. Tactics of a narc-part-3

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Suicidal thoughts experienced.

I want to share a part of my experiences for one more time related to suicidal thoughts because of this wave of mental health issues and advices shared due to Sushant Singh Rajput’s demise.

Why do I mostly refer to narcissism and psychopathy related to it the most? Why do you think that it has ingrossed so much inside of me and I observe such traits a lot?? It is because I have gone through that a lot.. I would even name those people responsible for my suicidal thoughts many a times. A few of you even know who I am going to name, so just AT and AT(two different people) would suffice.

When they make groups in which there is a so-called cool, charming, so called helpful co-ordinator the one who has dealt with you in any sense. He stalks you, frustrates the hell out of you, making fun of you and your behaviour, body shaming, calling you weird, psycho, idiot, stupid etc. through those accounts, non-cooperative, selfish, non-productive, unremarkable, the one who doesn’t value relationships, a snake/python, somebody having only bookish knowledge, rude, arrogant etc. etc. He does all this through others or fake identities so that there can be no proof against him. This has been my situation. But I would react through my real identity. And when I did respond calmly knowing that those were provocation tactics and thereafter cut every contact with those fake people and fake accounts, I was considered somebody who does not know how to maintain relationships. I knew my truth and to a good extent their truth as well.

I have been stalked not only through social media but through my neighbourers, electrician and driver as well. They thought that I didn’t get to know what’s going on, actually I had no evidence, so I had to keep quiet and carry on with how it was going on but trust me, it drove me insane to the extent that I myself felt like committing suicide because any and every person I tried to connect with, either of those psychopaths stalked that person as well and made that person join hands with them with their fake sweetness that they wanted to help me. I kept on detaching from every such person on whom I had a doubt that he/she was connected to either of these two, because why would I like to be stalked and mentally abused??

That so-called help was something that I had never asked for. I could ask for help from whomsoever I wanted myself. They just wanted to control me because they had the best source and way i.e. groupism through manipulation of minds. I could a lot of the times sense that they either wanted me to be on their side or they were in competition with me. That competition was about behaviour, they wanted to seem better than me in dealing with others. One of them always wanted to look better than me in intellect, so he always targetted my intellect only; the other one wanted to get *the best* one, if not me, then his partner was brought in competition with me. Snarky comments, taunting, accusing me for things that were actually my rights to do i.e. creating boudaries with them. One of them trying to play the pity party that I did never help him, though initially I was the one who always asked him what his problems were, but he never told, and when I stopped asking, he accused me of being insensitive for not being considerate to him for his so-called help. Let me explain what his help was- I had shared my family related trauma to him (twice), once when he himself shared his first and second time the next year. Okay, so just listening to me this much was a lot of help from his side?? And he always indirectly accused me that I could not understand him. Understand what?? His psychotic shit of stalking, lying, cheating, 3 gfs or multiple sex stories?? Sorry, but I cannot understamd what he meant by the word ‘understand’. He actually has always been in competition since day one because he feels like the most intellectual and most cooperative. He even hates Scorpio zodiac sign because I have scorpio moon sign(western astrology). LOL Sick AF. And whichever account I follow on instagram, he somehow (with fake accounts) try to connect with them as well, making them post stuff that can hit my psyche. And, in the end he wants to feel like he is the only caring one in my life. (Cut me some slack. I know you hate me.)

So, because of such instances I got detached from almost everyone including my school friends, college friends, online friends, I can’t even trust my neighbourers, electrician and driver anymore. Who knows my email id has also been hacked which I made public (unsure about this). I felt so lonely as I could not trust even a single person around. Even I had to break ties from my best friend of years (gaurav) as well. I used to share almost each and everything with him, things that I could never tell even my family members, I had that much trust on him but he as well ditched me by helping these psychopaths (I still can’t fathom how he got swayed by their psychopathic manipulation). So, I, sometimes, even had to fake sweetness to those on whom I had suspicion that they were connected to either or both of them. The more I did this, the more one of those two (the so called intellectual) began calling me fake, dark, psychopath(everything that actually he was, because he could prove it against me in his group and I could not as I did not have such stupid groups of Flying Monkeys).

Even now, whatever I say or do anywhere on social media, he reacts to it in any way possible. I have no other way than ignoring all that crap. For this reason, out of fear of not invoking reactions anymore or being compared with other girls (which is both of their nature i.e. making comparisons), I decreased my activities on social media as well interaction with any person. It was more like if I said I knew everything then I was hallucinating, if I acted like I knew nothing, then I was stupid or ignorant; basically according to them there was something wrong with me all the time and they were the helper.

Groupism in the name of cooperation,comparisons and breaking one’s boundaries are strong traits of narcissistic psychopathy. You will always find the victim lonely, depressed and seething angry from the inside as a result.

I want to say that it is not only about depression, it is more about not finding a way out of a suffocating situation that forces one to commit suicide as it creates a constant state of hopelessness in one’s mind. No matter how good one is doing in one’s life otherwise in terms of money, status, accomplishments, looks or how much strong one is mentally, etc., when one is forced to be controlled and isolated for years directly or indirectly, be it from family, friends, colleagues or otherwise, then it definitely creates an eternal void in someone’s mind. It is not about mental strength or mental weakness, it is more about not wanting to deal with an unbearable situation anymore, one loses hope about having any other possibility. Lucky are those who find the alternatives and tend to keep going.

What serious psychopaths/narcs do?

1. Hide their real identity.

2. Instigate/provoke certain behavior in other person.

3. Try to confuse the other person.

4. Upon getting a reaction out of that other person due to that confusion created, call that person a psychopath.

5. Gossip about it to other people or make open accusations about the reactions.

If you fight well with the psychopath, you will be considered a psychopath; and if you get emotional, you will be sympathised with considering you weak mentally; and if you ignore, you will be instigated/provoked again after an interval of time and maybe in a different way.

Stay alert. If you won’t keep these things in your mind, it will be very easy for a psychopath or narcissist to manipulate you and/or people known to you. It’s very easy to be provoked but consider that the one who has hidden his identity is already a Coward, and who has gossipped or gathered others to discuss you or your reactions is Mentally Weak.

Miss__communicated.

Honestly, I am more disappointed with myself rather than disappointed with him for taking him as having good intentions at last, despite knowing the reality of his character for years.

Some dynamics stay the same,

Don’t blame the events,

When energy can be nothing but the same,

Forgiveness is a good virtue

Not for those having no sense of accountability

Or who just like to slip away

without any apology

They are toxic

No matter if you wanted to keep them close

Or if you did let them stay away.

Know the real deal.

It’s good to be co-operative,

But not that much that you turn your back towards your enemies or haters as an invitation to them to stab you,

Even if it’s just a filthy talk,

You never know who hates you and for what reasons,

thus once you notice any red flag,

I hope you don’t try to turn it into a white flag of peace,

Or try to be a dove in front of a hawk.

Robbing the veracity of victim’s truth. Tactics of a narc-part-3

“You are not sounding good.”

“You are miserable.”

“You cannot live peacefully.”

“You have inner work to do and improve upon what you say.”

“You are bitter.”

“You know only fight.”

“Spare me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Leave me alone. I don’t want to listen to you.”

“ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS CONSIDER YOU MAD.”

A few responses of a narcissist when you begin to speak your truth; because when you do not share anything to anyone, the narcissist has an upper hand over you as he can tell anything to anyone about you, about your relationship with the narc, and your relation with others. It’s quite easy to brainwash others when you stay silent. When you begin to share your side of the story, that is the time when the narc pulls this kind of tactics to break you, shun you and silence your voice. It will never be done with facts. It will always be done with emotionally and socially acceptable manipulation in which your behavioural standard is first of all lowered down by getting a reaction out of you after giving you sly remarks on your work, ethics, behaviour, character etc. about which nobody or very few people (narc’s joinders) know, and when your behaviour comes out as sometimes socially unacceptable, then the narc uses this kind of manipulation to demean you and to lower the veracity of your reality in the eyes of others by showing them that there is a problem in you, not in the narc.

Always remember that the one telling the truth in a dynamic with a narc always sounds crazy, and it’s easy for the narc to prove it because the victim generally stays silent for a very long time due to various reasons (which I will discuss later) and when it becomes almost impossible to hide the truth, then the emotions explode intensely which makes others feel like the victim is imbalanced and of which narc always takes advantage.

How can you know who is lying here??

Ask for the explanation in details about the reality of each side from each side. Most often, the narc will reply with “I don’t know” or “I am wrong. I accept that. Please leave me alone.” or “She/he is crazy.” Or “I have better things to do. She/he needs help.” This kind of responses are given because the narc never has clarity of thought and those (narcs) who have, they have planned every step on how to bind the other person in a mental loop of abusive action and intense reaction. The explanation will never be factual from the narc’s side, mostly emotional, with distorted facts involving mostly the blame game or pity party.

Victim feels attacked for years and stays silent but when finally reacts, is considered insane, bitter, or narc and all the time when the victim stays silent, staying away from people due to depression or anxiety or paranoia that anybody can be an acquaintance of the narc, then the victim is considered self-centered and selfish (again the blame game).

My advice here is that, if you ever feel abused mentally or emotionally, do not stay silent about it. Talk about it to somebody trustworthy, and never to anyone in common relation to you and the narc. The more you will delay the reactions, the more you will sound crazy because at some point other people will also think that why you did not say anything at the time of abuse, and then you cannot explain enough.

Tactic of Triangulation used by narcissist.

“And now begins the game of Triangulation.”

I was wrong to call a pure narcissist a toxic empath when I can see clearly all the aspects of narcissism in the same person. Triangulation means comparing two people in which the one who is praised is used by the narcissist to demean the other person when that ‘other person’ does not adhere to the stupidity, toxicity and malicious behaviour or demands of the narcissist. This is done to lower the self-confidence of one of two people compared. You will mostly see a narcissist jumping from one person to another, praising highly one person one day and when that same person gets to know about the narcissist’s malice and call out about it or expose that behaviour, then that person is met with the Tactic of Triangulation.

How to recognise a narc and reduce his influence.

A narcissist always thinks that he is a very influential person, specially in the life of somebody, whom he has been trying to manipulate. But it’s all in the narc’s mind. If you are not mentally strong, then you might get influenced and manipulated, and begin to think how and what the narc wants to show you about yourself, both positive and negative, depending upon his wish and demanding circumstances. One thing to keep in mind is that it is very rare when a narc does something good to the other person that nobody gets to know about. Generally, at least one person knows what ‘good deed’ the narc is doing, so that that person can back up the narc’s innocense and goodness whenever it may require in the future and those good deeds will be related to the person whom he has been manipulating or trying to manipulate secretly. You will really feel something creepy about a comment coming out of nowhere. That in a way gives a shock to the person’s psyche if that person is not well educated in this topic. The more the shocks with such instances, the easier it is to confuse that person. But if you are strong minded and know who you are, you may get shocked for a while but will return back to your normal pretty soon knowing that it’s just a technique of projection or maybe pure hatred or jealousy for you. Also, keep this in mind that if the narc is well educated in this topic, then it is highly difficult to point out at his techniques because the narc generally can easily prove his controlled group that the victim is the narc and is projecting it onto him. In short, the narc makes victim the narc.

So, how to recognize who is actually the narc and what to do about it??

1. Do not trust anyone easily. Observe the behaviour closely. Always keep the proof whenever anything suspicious happens like a hateful comment or gesture. Getting or keeping proof is not feasible always because you cannot measure anyone’s actions towards you all the time. Just be alert after ignoring such instances a couple of times, and then either take screenshots, if it’s happened online or drive somebody’s attention instantly towards that person if it happens through gestures.

2. Talk about it. Talk about it, even if you think that it is only your doubt. Somebody else may be knowing better about your situation. Take professional help if it goes out of control i.e. if it has begun putting stake at your mental proper functioning.

3. Know yourself and stay assertive about it. If you don’t know yourself, your general and specific traits and behaviour generally and particularly then it is very easy to brain-wash you into judging yourself as the narc wants you to see yourself. Know yourself really well. Do not take either praise nor criticism to your heart and head easily. Do not give the narc the satisfaction that his action affected you otherwise it will surely repeat. If you can get swayed with praises, you can get shocked with criticism, and a narc always praise you a lot in the beginning phases of interaction to put you on a padestal so that when he discards you he can shock you with his criticism all along, and in such a condition, you won’t be able to believe yourself and would rather believe the narc’s criticism because once he had put you on a padestal, with a doubtful thinking that maybe he is right and you must have done something wrong that you could not infer. Be assertive about your truth. Preferably, keep a journal about the doubtful person’s actions too.

4. Try to run away from the ‘Testing situations’. A narc will always try to test you in front of others. You will realise that it will happen in the set created by the narc, be it online or in real. There will be somebody or some people reading your conversation or (in real) watch your actions. It will sound very casual to those people. But the narc knows that he is testing you. He will ask you questions that only he knows that are going to put you in trouble or going to create a doubt about you in some sense. That motive is also known only to the narc or maybe one or two close allies (called flying monkeys in psychology). Always remember that the set has been created by the narc and if you are not having anyone on your side, then you have to leave the situation as soon as possible rather than proving your point because in other words, the victim does not need to prove a crime to the criminal and his accomplices, the victim needs to run away from the situation to get the help from the right people. Never try to prove the narcissism of the narc to the narc, because first of all, a narcissist does not see any fault in his behaviour, so he may say that you are projecting your insecurities onto him. And, even if he becomes apologetic about an obvious wrong behaviour, it may again happen to you in a different setting and after an interval of time but you will know that the same thing is happening to you. Actually, the narc does not change his ways; he just changes people and situations and settings and time (victims as well).

5. Ignore as much as you can. It is also possible that that person is not a narc, and is just another occasional or chronically toxic person. Some toxic empaths also behave like a narc. You need to ignore this kind of behaviour for a few times in the beginning, while still confiding about it to somebody highly trustworthy. And secondly, when everything is said and done, it is your neccessity to ignore the narc completely if that person is still bothering you or interfering in your life. If your life is getting influenced because of any kind of manipulation, then call out, otherwise keep it in mind that when that person becomes meaningless for you, that person’s actions also become meaningless.

Gaslighting.

A narcissist will always give you ultimatums and judgements about your isolation from others(in case he has already discarded you, otherwise the ultimatum will be about leaving you). For example, saying things like “You will be left alone in the end and nobody is going to love you”, etc. etc. A narc thinks that he has become god and whatever he’d say or wish, will happen. And he does so in a way and from that place from where nobody else than you and him can know about it, so that when you talk about it to a third person he can say that you are just suspicious. This is referred to as Gaslighting. Watch the movie ‘Gaslight’ if you don’t like to read much. It has been depicted in that movie quite well. This is basically to weaken somebody’s mental strength, so that one begins to doubt himself/herself and ultimately the narc can take advantage of it and make the victim his puppet.

Well played.

You have played your game really well,

But I am glad that

Even after losing a lot because of you,

I am free.

Every person that I have lost was yours

And yours only,

Now go fuck yourself,

Or your karma will do.