Literally Cursed

Tomorrow’s tomorrow is not over-morrow,

Tomorrow’s tomorrow is tomorrow’s over-morrow’s yesterday.

I am cursed to take the long route. 🙄

Reminiscing my nature.

I can’t even explain how I think. Many live in and for experiences. I really don’t seek them. I don’t seek events to make memories about them. I don’t think that we are what we create or some experiences can create us (ok particularly me here). How I take experiences is purely the mental stimulators or catalysts for different thinking. As far as I remember nothing has changed me much. Those who know me now or at whatever period of time they might have known me may think that I have changed a lot. But that’s not true. They have only seen my behaviour for a short period of time n for a few events or so on but my basic nature has always been like this only.

I was always quiet in front of the outsiders (school, college, relatives functions, strangers etc.) and quiet in my own home maybe for eternity.. but.. whenever I wanted to socialise I was one hella fun person. I was always the one who organised family functions to the T (not the labour part, ok). I was always sporty whenever anyone came to the house (n got comfy in the family) to play a game or two. I made jokes whenever I observed something laugh-worthy in the surroundings. I was analysing situations, people’s behaviour and dynamics of different kinds right from my very childhood (like since the age of 6-7 years old). I always observed a lot. Like really.. I can very confidently say that I filter about 95-98% of things that I observe just because I find them quite useless including people who think that they can always sneak, tresspass, abuse n escape.. “Nope ! You didn’t. I did let you because you are not important at all.” If you think that I have become angrier, that too, is in my nature by birth, though the outlets have changed. I used to store it all or tended to flush off that energy by playing cricket for two hours daily in the evening (though with my brother n father only). It was really a good release of energy then. Now I feel like not storing any shit in my mind n release it all through words. If we talk about confidence. I always had a very good amount of self-confidence but I was always quiet about it because I was getting regular recognition about my capability through professors n results etc. Now I have to show it in other ways because of the wake of social media as in this era if you don’t verbalise or show your capabilities, then you are considered not to have them at all and those who are ept at showing off, become successful, though they might have half of your capabilities.

The point is.. I was always more or less similar..Not much has changed.. Neither my nature, nor my strength.. It’s just that those who have started to know different sides of me or my deeper layers, they think that I have changed a lot; they actually never knew me. Really.. Never..

Strangest thing about me: I do the things, I hate to do, the most. This one I still cannot understand why. Sooner or later, I end up doing things that I really hate.

Strongest point about me: I really, and by this I mean REALLY, I don’t give a fuck about who thinks what about me.

Weakest point about me: I won’t actualise something until I have done it to perfection, exactly the way I visualised it, and even after reaching that point I keep polishing it so that it can reach a point to my utmost satisfaction.

The best thing I find about my life: No matter how filthy situations, events or people I deal with, my bounce back game is strong AF, stronger than many, and I don’t mean it by the show off part, I mean it about things considered valuable.

(Originally posted on 28th Dec, 2020)

Experience against a psychopath.

If a psychopath has a crush on me, I am not the problem at all.

Psychopaths do have unattainable goals be it any person; it aggrandizes their fragile ego in case they succeed in getting that person and to get that high/reach that peak, they keep chasing that person hiding the agenda from everyone and even using their own so-called friends without even letting them know and those poor fellows innocently do everything on the whims of that psychopath.

I have strong intuition. Most of the times, as I have judged anyone, it has proved to be true with time and sometimes it has begun being obvious to others as well. So, definitely, my mind works really well, it’s only an envious psychopath who tries to twist things about n around me so that others find me as the problematic one.

The true angelic soul in human form.

God bless that only one woman who spent her whole life completely selflessly doing everything she could for every single person of her own family as well as maintained a great level of dignity and cooperation with outsiders as well. She has empathy for the poor, disabled n down-trodden. She is a great giver. I have never seen her receiving anything from anyone more than she could give back in return. People who know her know that she is innocent by heart. If she does anything wrong by mistake, she feels apologetic. She has realized her faults from the past. She is happy in seeing others happy, be it a family member or an outsider. She has no ill-will or psychopathy in her. No matter how hard life she lives or in how much strain or distress or illness she lives in, she cannot be selfish, it’s just not in her to be selfish, she has dedicated her whole life n resources to others. She works relentlessly any time she can.

Real issue..

If you see me very silent

Lost somewhere

With my eyes dead

Just know that I am counting my calories consumed.

😜