Synchronicity.

Believe me,

The right one will value you and your love

At the right time.

Everybody else is just temporary.

Robbing the varacity of victim’s truth. Tactics of a narc-part-3

“You are not sounding good.”

“You are miserable.”

“You cannot live peacefully.”

“You have inner work to do and improve upon what you say.”

“You are bitter.”

“You know only fight.”

“Spare me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Leave me alone. I don’t want to listen to you.”

“ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS CONSIDER YOU MAD.”

A few responses of a narcissist when you begin to speak your truth; because when you do not share anything to anyone, the narcissist has an upper hand over you as he can tell anything to anyone about you, about your relationship with the narc, and your relation with others. It’s quite easy to brainwash others when you stay silent. When you begin to share your side of the story, that is the time when the narc pulls this kind of tactics to break you, shun you and silence your voice. It will never be done with facts. It will always be done with emotionally and socially acceptable manipulation in which your behavioural standard is first of all lowered down by getting a reaction out of you after giving you sly remarks on your work, ethics, behaviour, character etc. about which nobody or very few people (narc’s joinders) know, and when your behaviour comes out as sometimes socially unacceptable, then the narc uses this kind of manipulation to demean you and to lower the veracity of your reality in the eyes of others by showing them that there is a problem in you, not in the narc.

Always remember that the one telling the truth in a dynamic with a narc always sounds crazy, and it’s easy for the narc to prove it because the victim generally stays silent for a very long time due to various reasons (which I will discuss later) and when it becomes almost impossible to hide the truth, then the emotions explode intensely which makes others feel like the victim is imbalanced and of which narc always takes advantage.

How can you know who is lying here??

Ask for the explanation in details about the reality of each side from each side. Most often, the narc will reply with “I don’t know” or “I am wrong. I accept that. Please leave me alone.” or “She/he is crazy.” Or “I have better things to do. She/he needs help.” This kind of responses are given because the narc never has clarity of thought and those (narcs) who have, they have planned every step on how to bind the other person in a mental loop of abusive action and intense reaction. The explanation will never be factual from the narc’s side, mostly emotional, with distorted facts involving mostly the blame game or pity party.

Victim feels attacked for years and stays silent but when finally reacts, is considered insane, bitter, or narc and all the time when the victim stays silent, staying away from people due to depression or anxiety or paranoia that anybody can be an acquaintance of the narc, then the victim is considered self-centered and selfish (again the blame game).

My advice here is that, if you ever feel abused mentally or emotionally, do not stay silent about it. Talk about it to somebody trustworthy, and never to anyone in common relation to you and the narc. The more you will delay the reactions, the more you will sound crazy because at some point other people will also think that why you did not say anything at the time of abuse, and then you cannot explain enough.

Pattern of cowardice in love.

All of their pattern has been

First of all, to be sure of my feelings towards them

Rather than showing their feelings to me, if they had any,

And then test over and over again in the same belief that I might have stopped feeling anything,

And still not being courageous enough to show their own vulnerability.

Trust me, I am realizing this now, I have never wanted such cowards in my life, not at least in the matter of love.

Knowledge-A yardstick of utopianism.

You will move a mile

And think that you ran hundred

When you don’t have a yardstick to measure what you are doing.

People read and study a lot

Not for no reason,

It helps in knowing how much you know

How much you need to imbibe and learn

What you need to eliminate from your mind,

You can think that you have created something exceptional

Until you know that it’s already available, tested and dead;

Reading, studying and learning is so important

It eliminates the IGNORANCE dread.

(Getting the already existing knowledge, it’s opposition to test its veracity and the results that came out and the conclusions drawn is so important. People generally think a lot on their own and then feel that they know a lot, like they have found something exceptional, they keep those ideas with them for years, struggle to make them a reality, only to end up in knowing that the same ideas were carried out in the past and failed miserably. It’s not bad to carry on with the same or similar ideas again as there is still possibility of their success due to changed circumstances but thinking that they surely will end up in success, specially when the independent variables are uncontrollable, those ideas prove to be just utopian views. That’s why knowledge of what worked in the past and what did not is really very important, be it regarding any field or realm.)

Poverty hits different.

They did not listen,

They never could..

Not that they were deaf

Their hunger was more important

They ran together in hundreds

Having no hearth to live in

Didn’t strike their mind what they could

And keeping a distance from their brethren

Was what they should.

Grief of death was big

Grief of living was bigger to contain

You live in beautiful houses

Spending time in luxury

You can understand that perception

It’s hard to feel their pain.

Lightened off..

Not knowing

what’s on going

I know life wants me to keep enjoying

Every feeling

Every impulse I gain

Not wanting me to numb down

Needing me to love everything

Like, love, loss and pain

Stigmatic as I could be

About being so psychic

I know nothing like intuition now-a-days

Feeling free from that heavy load

I am stunned with the sensory relief

Though I am feeling everything

I am unburdened of intuitive grief.

Internal conflict.

A part of me feels guilty for being this much privileged,

A part of me really grateful for the same,

A part of me wants to be of immense service to others,

A part of me too emotional

In search of love fulfilment,

digging all the parts’ grave.

Enjoy the show.

When a few people are confused between two people in the matter of courtship, one of those two being me, I love to take a note who all those chasers are, recede back and see who is going to win over that other person.

Because “If I don’t like to play the game, at least, I can enjoy watching it.” 😛🤣

And I keep that in mind that I don’t have to be with any of them. Because why?

Testing waters.

Testing my waters is going to be of no help,

When you don’t know how to swim.

How to recognise a narc and reduce his influence.

A narcissist always thinks that he is a very influential person, specially in the life of somebody, whom he has been trying to manipulate. But it’s all in the narc’s mind. If you are not mentally strong, then you might get influenced and manipulated, and begin to think how and what the narc wants to show you about yourself, both positive and negative, depending upon his wish and demanding circumstances. One thing to keep in mind is that it is very rare when a narc does something good to the other person that nobody gets to know about. Generally, at least one person knows what ‘good deed’ the narc is doing, so that that person can back up the narc’s innocense and goodness whenever it may require in the future and those good deeds will be related to the person whom he has been manipulating or trying to manipulate secretly. You will really feel something creepy about a comment coming out of nowhere. That in a way gives a shock to the person’s psyche if that person is not well educated in this topic. The more the shocks with such instances, the easier it is to confuse that person. But if you are strong minded and know who you are, you may get shocked for a while but will return back to your normal pretty soon knowing that it’s just a technique of projection or maybe pure hatred or jealousy for you. Also, keep this in mind that if the narc is well educated in this topic, then it is highly difficult to point out at his techniques because the narc generally can easily prove his controlled group that the victim is the narc and is projecting it onto him. In short, the narc makes victim the narc.

So, how to recognize who is actually the narc and what to do about it??

1. Do not trust anyone easily. Observe the behaviour closely. Always keep the proof whenever anything suspicious happens like a hateful comment or gesture. Getting or keeping proof is not feasible always because you cannot measure anyone’s actions towards you all the time. Just be alert after ignoring such instances a couple of times, and then either take screenshots, if it’s happened online or drive somebody’s attention instantly towards that person if it happens through gestures.

2. Talk about it. Talk about it, even if you think that it is only your doubt. Somebody else may be knowing better about your situation. Take professional help if it goes out of control i.e. if it has begun putting stake at your mental proper functioning.

3. Know yourself and stay assertive about it. If you don’t know yourself, your general and specific traits and behaviour generally and particularly then it is very easy to brain-wash you into judging yourself as the narc wants you to see yourself. Know yourself really well. Do not take either praise nor criticism to your heart and head easily. Do not give the narc the satisfaction that his action affected you otherwise it will surely repeat. If you can get swayed with praises, you can get shocked with criticism, and a narc always praise you a lot in the beginning phases of interaction to put you on a padestal so that when he discards you he can shock you with his criticism all along, and in such a condition, you won’t be able to believe yourself and would rather believe the narc’s criticism because once he had put you on a padestal, with a doubtful thinking that maybe he is right and you must have done something wrong that you could not infer. Be assertive about your truth. Preferably, keep a journal about the doubtful person’s actions too.

4. Try to run away from the ‘Testing situations’. A narc will always try to test you in front of others. You will realise that it will happen in the set created by the narc, be it online or in real. There will be somebody or some people reading your conversation or (in real) watch your actions. It will sound very casual to those people. But the narc knows that he is testing you. He will ask you questions that only he knows that are going to put you in trouble or going to create a doubt about you in some sense. That motive is also known only to the narc or maybe one or two close allies (called flying monkeys in psychology). Always remember that the set has been created by the narc and if you are not having anyone on your side, then you have to leave the situation as soon as possible rather than proving your point because in other words, the victim does not need to prove a crime to the criminal and his accomplices, the victim needs to run away from the situation to get the help from the right people. Never try to prove the narcissism of the narc to the narc, because first of all, a narcissist does not see any fault in his behaviour, so he may say that you are projecting your insecurities onto him. And, even if he becomes apologetic about an obvious wrong behaviour, it may again happen to you in a different setting and after an interval of time but you will know that the same thing is happening to you. Actually, the narc does not change his ways; he just changes people and situations and settings and time (victims as well).

5. Ignore as much as you can. It is also possible that that person is not a narc, and is just another occasional or chronically toxic person. Some toxic empaths also behave like a narc. You need to ignore this kind of behaviour for a few times in the beginning, while still confiding about it to somebody highly trustworthy. And secondly, when everything is said and done, it is your neccessity to ignore the narc completely if that person is still bothering you or interfering in your life. If your life is getting influenced because of any kind of manipulation, then call out, otherwise keep it in mind that when that person becomes meaningless for you, that person’s actions also become meaningless.