With me, people did not have commitment issues.. People had “you seem too good to be true, let me test and exhaust you” issues..
Tag: mentality
Fat loss journey-Announcement
Hi fellow bloggers,
Today I want to talk about my weight loss journey that happened in 2013. Directly coming to the point, I lost about 57 kg weight most of which was fat (yup, lost fat, not only water weight) and reduced weight from about 114 kg n some grams over that to exactly 57 kg. I would be lying if I say it was easy. And I gained about 10 kg in 2014 again due to depression n its resultant unhealthy eating habits. But reduced that weight again in about a month.
After that as well, I kept on gaining n losing weight of about 10-15 kg at different times. During the whole journey n every time I made a lot of research on what works n what doesn’t in terms of nutrition, exercise and hormonal balance-imbalance. By now, I can easily tell what causes fat/weight gain and it would remain until what time n how it can be shed.
I will share all of my experience and knowledge regarding the same on my other website www.yourchoicestlifestyle.com . Please follow that website if you are interested in knowing detail oriented plans and intricacies of weight loss n fitness. I assure you that you won’t be disapponted. I will be sharing the links of those blogs here om this website as well. Just in case you and/or any of your loved one needs to know about the experience of a really experienced person who experimented different things on herself for weight loss, share it with them. I will be sharing the upcoming related blogs on this website as well, but that would be occasional. So, please please follow that website n switch on the notifications or make the loved one who needs it, know about it.
Thank you by heart. 💜💖💫
Advice coming through experience.
Do you ever look at somebody and feel really sorry for them because they cannot see other people in a good place or creating a good space away from them?? Everything you do becomes a competition. There is nothing like love in them. There is always a selfish agenda or trial to fill their own cup even at the expense of other’s emptiness and no matter how much you try to run away, they run behind you to suck at your mind, energy and soul, because they don’t have good enough of it on their own. You want to connect with good ones. You know you are a cooperative person who loves, cherishes and appreciates the good ones. You want to engage in both deep and light hearted conversations, giggles, laughter, good energy, beauty and romance. You love with your heart and soul who is meant to be loved that way. You want to give somebody everything you are and everything you have. You don’t let your ego play much role in that. There is no competition, only cooperation and kindness that can lead to a beautiful life. And, then comes the first one being envious of you and everything good in your life, wanting to gain something out of it, being extremely jealous from a distance, trying to get everything from you, your social image, love, respectfulness, integrity n dignity because that person is devoid of these virtues from a long long time. They just cannot see you happy on your own or with someone else. Take the advice here: You can be as rude as fuck to such creeps. If you do so, there is nothing wrong with you; you just want to cut a leech off your life who has been trying to suck everything good from your life. You owe nothing to such creeps just to prove that you are a good person. You may have a very good and loving personality and still can tell others to get lost or fuck off from your life; and as a result, don’t expect that many will consider your good qualities after that. Psychotic one is always blind to other’s goodness, they just want either you in their team or want to compete with you even if you do not compete at all and you want to maintain good distance, such a miserable one that is.
Respect everybody but you can disrespect those who earn it.
(First published on 4th Aug, 2021)
Secret liking.
Honestly, I like people who are intimidating to many. They are the ones who keep a lot of mediocre shit at bay without even doing anything specifically for that. 😂
An advice for Alpha females for marriage..
I want to give an advice to young women/girls who want to get married at some point in their life. Actually, there are many points that I want to discuss under this topic and you may also find many advices online as well as offline regarding marriage. But there is one point that I want to put some light on which is often ignored while considering a life partner.
If you are a woman who is ambitious, takes her own decisions, works her ass off, is a go-getter, and is a provider, in short, the one who has most of the qualities of an Alpha Female, you need to see the family structure of the man if you are interested in him for marriage or life partnership or relationship. I am saying this because I have seen this pattern a lot in society that when and if the females of the family in which a man has grown up, did not work in office, and were by nature-submissive, coy, and silent, that man is going to want the same from his life-partner sub-consciously. It doesn’t matter how much educated or modernised he became, the years (decades) of mental training he got from his family sub-consciously is not going to change even if he finds the otherwise for himself consciously. He would want you to be the same meek and coy woman. Your boundaries will be aggressive to him. Your desires and ambition will make him feel insecure and he would like to impose his dogmatic thinking upon you just like his family’s females were pressed upon and taught to abide by the thinking and orders of the men in his family. He cannot comprehend that you can Think and Do better than him. His insecurities will start acting up whenever you will point out at his flaws, even if done politely. He may even be envious of your work and power because he was conditioned in his psyche’s developmental stages that women are not the Alpha and are meant to be protected and guided only. He may point at your frankness as rudeness. For him, submissive silence is elegance and speaking your mind will be needed to be in a controlled manner according to his dictates.
There will be, most of the times, power struggle between you two because you are an Alpha female and he may feel powerless because of that, so he will try to over-power you to soothe his ill-conditioned mind, and then there might be fights, manipulation and even separation between you two.
What do you think-is it better not to engage with such a man or is it better to engage and then be forced to leave in the end?? Or you can be ultra-submissive just like his family’s females and give upon your own power and capabilities and ambition to soothe his fragile ego??
(PS: Don’t come here with your feminist or anti-feminist mentality regarding this post. It’s about a particular kind of a man. The propositions may be relative to patriarchy but I did not point out at that. This advice is solely for alpha females who also love with whole of their being, so, kindly, do not come with the contention that love is adjustment and all. Those are different topics. I intended to write exactly about a very small fraction of possibilities.)
Thank you for reading. 🙂
WHERE ARE THE BOUNDARIES??
When I wanted to get clicked wearing this set of clothes, I could see a huge disappointment and panic on my bua (paternal aunt’s) face. I guided her how to to click this picture (the exact place where she had to keep the mobile in hand) and just tap on the button. She was hugely annoyed to even look at me, spare clicking the picture. I asked her “what happened” although I was known to the answer already. She said “from where have you learnt wearing these clothes and clicking these pictures??” to which I replied that these days many people wear them. There’s nothing wrong in them. They are casual clothes. She went a step further and said, “nobody cultured wear this. Only sex workers/sluts wear this, that too, not from India, negros wear this.”
If I was dealing with her 3-4 years ago and listened to these words, I would have left the house (saying this very seriously as I had tried once in 4 years ago), but now, having her as a responsibility to me, I cannot do that or even think about that. Instead, I said, “You are very backward, biased and narrow-minded. Look around you, and see how much the world has progressed from this backward mentality” and then carried on with sharing the picture on instagram. After that, she was like “you are ruining your dead father’s name. You do this kind of stuff. (Mare hoye peu da naam khraab kri ja ese kamm kar kar ke)” I think this was quite a big another trigger for me usually, but I am glad that I still kept my cool and told her “nothing like that happens. You are over-reacting for no reason and anyways, he’d tell me in my dream if he’d be disappointed. And I am an adult, you have no right to question what I wear and what I share anywhere.” Seriously, she was still looking at me like I did some crime, although she had been saying utter bullshit all the while. She went onto saying “I never prohibited you from wearing anything or meeting anyone.” Well, that was quite a LIE. She always panics whenever I go onto meeting any person. She even used to panic when I met a female friend, meeting a male friend or going on a date was like making her understand the whole idea of the meeting, details in advance and repeatedly telling her “it’s just a meeting. You must be thinking I am going to have sex.” because it was always about my father’s reputation according to her; and honestly, it was never that she let me wear anything I wanted, it was always a hell lot of drama from her side about my clothes (uptil my good age of 24 years she even had a problem with me using any kind of make-up). Soooo, again, I kept my cool and told her “see, you just made a big issue out of my clothes right now and you never let me meet anyone peacefully ever, you always did fight about that. Just accept that you are socially backward, not cultured or traditional and stop thinking that I won’t do what I want to do.”
The point: Sometimes what you see is not true. The one who seems rude has become so when that person had no other option left and the one who seems to be very protective and caring is just an immature energy vampire who sucks on the mind and energy of that ‘rude one’ without any limit making that person to react really rude or cruel as a result. Some people, be it a family member or a friend or an outsider break one’s boundaries way too much just because that person made them comfortable in doing so, by not standing up for one’s own rights. I did that a lot in my childhood, adolescense and adulthood as well. I always thought about the comfort of my family, their wishes about how I should have lived, just so that they could not have any mental or emotional issue because of me. BUT I realised over time that I made them way too comfortable in interfering in my life. Initially, I used to get triggered badly by such comments from them, but I am glad that I learnt handling the situation, calmly, over time.
Honestly, I am feeling guilty sharing this because it feels like I am bringing my family’s issues here on a platform where people do not need to know about it but on the other hand, I think and feel that it is crucial to share such incidents. I used to be held back, depressed and not myself for years because of such nagging, controlling and biased behaviour of my own family members, and never shared a thought with anyone faking it that everything was perfect whatever was happening and how-so-ever I was being treated.
It does not mean that they don’t love me. They can even die for me if the need arises, to save me, but, the main problem is that they never let me live either. I never feel mentally, emotionally and socially content and safe. I have become really tough and walled because of strong boundaries, but I really feel that just in case, they had gotten some counselling from an outsider professional, they might have had a better mindset and behaviour, that could as a result let them and me live freely without any fight on very menial and personal stuff like make-up, clothing, and being social.
Suicidal thoughts experienced.
I want to share a part of my experiences for one more time related to suicidal thoughts because of this wave of mental health issues and advices shared due to Sushant Singh Rajput’s demise.
Why do I mostly refer to narcissism and psychopathy related to it the most? Why do you think that it has ingrossed so much inside of me and I observe such traits a lot?? It is because I have gone through that a lot.. I would even name those people responsible for my suicidal thoughts many a times. A few of you even know who I am going to name, so just AT and AT(two different people) would suffice.
When they make groups in which there is a so-called cool, charming, so called helpful co-ordinator the one who has dealt with you in any sense. He stalks you, frustrates the hell out of you, making fun of you and your behaviour, body shaming, calling you weird, psycho, idiot, stupid etc. through those accounts, non-cooperative, selfish, non-productive, unremarkable, the one who doesn’t value relationships, a snake/python, somebody having only bookish knowledge, rude, arrogant etc. etc. He does all this through others or fake identities so that there can be no proof against him. This has been my situation. But I would react through my real identity. And when I did respond calmly knowing that those were provocation tactics and thereafter cut every contact with those fake people and fake accounts, I was considered somebody who does not know how to maintain relationships. I knew my truth and to a good extent their truth as well.
I have been stalked not only through social media but through my neighbourers, electrician and driver as well. They thought that I didn’t get to know what’s going on, actually I had no evidence, so I had to keep quiet and carry on with how it was going on but trust me, it drove me insane to the extent that I myself felt like committing suicide because any and every person I tried to connect with, either of those psychopaths stalked that person as well and made that person join hands with them with their fake sweetness that they wanted to help me. I kept on detaching from every such person on whom I had a doubt that he/she was connected to either of these two, because why would I like to be stalked and mentally abused??
That so-called help was something that I had never asked for. I could ask for help from whomsoever I wanted myself. They just wanted to control me because they had the best source and way i.e. groupism through manipulation of minds. I could a lot of the times sense that they either wanted me to be on their side or they were in competition with me. That competition was about behaviour, they wanted to seem better than me in dealing with others. One of them always wanted to look better than me in intellect, so he always targetted my intellect only; the other one wanted to get *the best* one, if not me, then his partner was brought in competition with me. Snarky comments, taunting, accusing me for things that were actually my rights to do i.e. creating boudaries with them. One of them trying to play the pity party that I did never help him, though initially I was the one who always asked him what his problems were, but he never told, and when I stopped asking, he accused me of being insensitive for not being considerate to him for his so-called help. Let me explain what his help was- I had shared my family related trauma to him (twice), once when he himself shared his first and second time the next year. Okay, so just listening to me this much was a lot of help from his side?? And he always indirectly accused me that I could not understand him. Understand what?? His psychotic shit of stalking, lying, cheating, 3 gfs or multiple sex stories?? Sorry, but I cannot understamd what he meant by the word ‘understand’. He actually has always been in competition since day one because he feels like the most intellectual and most cooperative. He even hates Scorpio zodiac sign because I have scorpio moon sign(western astrology). LOL Sick AF. And whichever account I follow on instagram, he somehow (with fake accounts) try to connect with them as well, making them post stuff that can hit my psyche. And, in the end he wants to feel like he is the only caring one in my life. (Cut me some slack. I know you hate me.)
So, because of such instances I got detached from almost everyone including my school friends, college friends, online friends, I can’t even trust my neighbourers, electrician and driver anymore. Who knows my email id has also been hacked which I made public (unsure about this). I felt so lonely as I could not trust even a single person around. Even I had to break ties from my best friend of years (gaurav) as well. I used to share almost each and everything with him, things that I could never tell even my family members, I had that much trust on him but he as well ditched me by helping these psychopaths (I still can’t fathom how he got swayed by their psychopathic manipulation). So, I, sometimes, even had to fake sweetness to those on whom I had suspicion that they were connected to either or both of them. The more I did this, the more one of those two (the so called intellectual) began calling me fake, dark, psychopath(everything that actually he was, because he could prove it against me in his group and I could not as I did not have such stupid groups of Flying Monkeys).
Even now, whatever I say or do anywhere on social media, he reacts to it in any way possible. I have no other way than ignoring all that crap. For this reason, out of fear of not invoking reactions anymore or being compared with other girls (which is both of their nature i.e. making comparisons), I decreased my activities on social media as well interaction with any person. It was more like if I said I knew everything then I was hallucinating, if I acted like I knew nothing, then I was stupid or ignorant; basically according to them there was something wrong with me all the time and they were the helper.
Groupism in the name of cooperation,comparisons and breaking one’s boundaries are strong traits of narcissistic psychopathy. You will always find the victim lonely, depressed and seething angry from the inside as a result.
I want to say that it is not only about depression, it is more about not finding a way out of a suffocating situation that forces one to commit suicide as it creates a constant state of hopelessness in one’s mind. No matter how good one is doing in one’s life otherwise in terms of money, status, accomplishments, looks or how much strong one is mentally, etc., when one is forced to be controlled and isolated for years directly or indirectly, be it from family, friends, colleagues or otherwise, then it definitely creates an eternal void in someone’s mind. It is not about mental strength or mental weakness, it is more about not wanting to deal with an unbearable situation anymore, one loses hope about having any other possibility. Lucky are those who find the alternatives and tend to keep going.
Toxic feminism.
Bravo to the toxic feminism and toxic feminists !
You are bound to be praising them all the time,
Not critizing a degree of any sick behaviour,
Even if you stand for your valid rights,
Speaking and showing up
For what you think
And what you want,
You are their enemy, women hater, you can’t raise your voice,
Nope ! You can’t !
Right when it hits the nerves of one,
It’s bound to make each one of their stomach churn
With ego and rage
Off to be shown on stage,
“We the women power
Out of men’s atrocities
Still bound in the biased mental cage.
We won’t let a woman talking out of the group,
Will try to shun her voice,
And show our toxic mentality
At the slightest hint of out-group activity on or off stage.”
I Think For All 