Elderly sound advice..

I talked to my bua (paternal aunt) about it and she said,

If he wanted you that much, he would have said it clearly directly and not through other’s accounts, and if you wanted him that much, you would have met him.

That’s some serious mature advice. I am proud of her. Sad but still..that’s practical..

Whenever I really need some serious advice in which I need to be talked Out Of Emotions, I talk to her. I am still emotional, but thinking practically at the same time, and this time the credit goes to her only..

Some smart meanings..

-When you try to do Kamasutra but instead you need to do some kaam(work) according to her dictated sutra(scripture)- Lust turned into marriage

-Who else does HURRAY !! YE WALI BHI GYI, WO WALI BHI GYI.. ABB SHAYAD MERA EK-DEDH SAAL MEIN CHANCE LAGG JAYEGA..(THIS ONE GONE, THAT ONE GONE..PROBABLY I’LL HAVE A CHANCE WITH THEM NOW IN A YEAR OR AROUND)- Crushed Nuts

-BF should be BEST FRIEND, GF should be GREAT FRIEND..OKAY??- Best BF-GF

-As much as love, Covid was in the air, and 2020 made us all sick either way-2020 Diaries

-We all know that one person who can balance out the extremities very well while never being in the middle-Come On, You All Know Me 😉🤪

(COPYRIGHTS RESERVED)

(Written on 2nd March,2021)

Elopement..

Take me to a tranquil bay,

Where for us there’s a peaceful stay,

Nomad we feel in an obnoxiously cultured world,

Let’s run away

Still slowly

Taking a step at a time

Keeping the purity of love

Dearly in our hold.

(Written on 25th April, 2021)

Let’s Update..

Netflix and chill is outdated,

Let’s cuddle, steal kisses, and share unshared stories.

Meet you on the other side.

When the time will be right

We’ll find each-other again,

Not fragile

Not with any unhealed wound

Not lost

Just two whole beings

Looking for more

that only in each-other we can found.

(Original publishing date: 13th april,2021)

MINE 💜

Kill or be killed for you

Kind of a person.

(Original publishing date: 05 Dec, 2020)

Expecting better.

Be a breathe of fresh air

Not the old rug stinking,

Be an open world full of love

Not a little globe forcing me for shrinking.

One love stays with you forever.

Some people really think that why I don’t move on or try with someone new.. There is a very very deep reason. I actually moved on. I thought that I’ll never think about him ever again. In those times I was just numb to feelings. I became really logical as well as triggered. I was not feeling like myself for months. It’s not that I never tried. But someone doesn’t get out of your mind n soul. It’s not even ego that is making me hold onto him. It’s something, just there, right from the times when I even didn’t know that I had any feeling for him in the first place. It is not going anywhere. What do I do?? A few people try to influence me against it through posts on pages. And seriously, it annoys me to the core.

I had tried to move from the last person (before him) by dating one person who was really good, caring, marriage material. I even got physical with my ex to move on from him. That time also I couldn’t because I was feeling passionately for that one.

But then, whom I love came to my life out of the blue. Honestly, I was keeping a good distance from him. I didn’t want to fall in love ever again. And even he wasn’t interested in making me feel anything like that. But with friendship and affection, I started feeling very close to him. I was constantly denying myself that it was getting deeper because I, somehow knew that I would hurt myself at some point if I would feel anything else that friendship and affection for him. But I was feeling something else.

And when we got physical, even then for a few days I was in denial mode. Seriously, I couldn’t handle how intensely we made those moments. They might not be too much for many others, including him. But it was a lot for me. But still I was denying myself about its depth for a few weeks. I didn’t get what.

But now when I have tried every single fucking thing to move on. I don’t get it what is the problem with people who are just into talking against it. Why can’t you see someone loving someone else truly. Yes, for now, it is in words only. But my words come out from the depths of my soul. It’s too difficult for me to accept my own feelings being highly rational generally, leave alone being expressive about them. If I am being expressive about my feelings, it is something even I still cannot describe in words. It is much more than that.

Now, what do I do?? Try with new people, faking it all, wasting mine and their time?? I think it would be too selfish to do. So, I usually avoid anyone who may have interest in me, because I know that I won’t be interested in them in that sense.

What do I do with what I am feeling in my heart and soul?? I am taking my time. I am not forcing anything. I just want him to feel what I feel, that too, not forcefully, but by being a little expressive. I think that when I am not doing anything out of ego or to get him. I am doing this because things got fucked up last time because I stifled my feelings that time. I waited a lot, even gave up, but it has come up again in me. It really means that it had never gone. I had just become numb to my own feelings, also because I had lost my bua, I was traumatised and could only get triggered and could stay hurt. I was not in touch with my soul, my ego was saving me. Now, I am in balance, and I really want to see it will go where and I am hoping for a beautiful outcome. I am taking my time and putting my energy only where I want to and need to. I really don’t need unsolicited advices, specially those that go against my inner voice.

I don’t know healthy relationship. I have never been in one. That is why I am working on myself, so that I can have a wholesome relationship with someone I truly love. I don’t want anything toxic in between us. I am working on my triggers. A few friends may as well have observed that I have changed my behaviour a lot compared to what it was before. I am not faking it. I am working on it.

Prayers help..

It works. It really does !! Trust me on this one.. Do not pray for a particular person; it’s just a part of attachment, not even love. You may pray to get a particular person but you may just attract them in your life for a short span that way. But if you pray like this, you will know who you exactly feel for and who you are meant to be with. Don’t even ask for the signs. Signs may be deceptive as we all behave in quite similar fashion or may do so in a short while. Just pray for your own soul to know the reality. And do not fear before and after that about letting go of anything or anyone not meant for you. Accept by heart that you have learnt your lessons and you just want to know and feel only for the one who you are meant to be with forever. YOU WILL KNOW, REALLY !