Switched off intuition and confused myself..

I tried to switch off intuition

and now I am all perplexed,

I do feel the things in a certain way

trying to grasp the ‘why’s of everything,

Even while moving through the ruffled waters

I know where I am going

my intuition guides me my lane,

Now when I have switched it off I am feeling so low,

Feeling things, not vibes, in a confused way,

I don’t know what’s going where, like I am driving myself insane.

I think I turned against the nature,

Putting off something that makes the basic me,

That’s why the nature is punishing me,

The need is not to not feel things I am getting this now,

The need is to feel and be guided by my intuition and still be rational somehow.

(First published on 9th Jan, 2020)

Universal guidance through dreams..

My dreams not only tell me what’s meant for me, they also tell who n what is being a block.. I don’t talk on n about many things because I am seeking answers from the universe n nobody else.. From symbolic forms to stark clear reality seen 10 minutes to 5-6 months before it actually manifested in real life. From clues to seeing actually what and who is going to create a hindrance in something and in what way, I see it in my dreams so clearly.. The dreams that feel like just a recap of experiences, I can feel that..The dreams that feel like they are going to be true, they really come true.

I am sharing this because today morning as well I saw one such dream and it was about my love. I don’t want to explain it here in details because then it would seem like a personal attack on a real person because what I saw in it was that someone was just trying to snatch him and trying to create misunderstandings between us, that too, by using religion in some way. Like that person trying to act innocent n helpful to him by including GOD’s Name in everything, that too, not to help, but to control him, and to make me fight with him.

I really won’t go into the details or mention names here because that would actually look like a personal attack on someone. But.. everything that I have written is what I actually saw and it was quite shocking to see because nothing like that was going on in my mind yesterday.

I don’t know, probably it was a clue from the universe, but I will let the time decide about its viability.

I would like to end it by saying, “You can stretch an end only like, and only as much as you can, with a chewing gum.

Intuition.

When you have strong intuition, a cloud-like fog stays on your mind until you get the proof of the why of it certainly.

(Originally published on 24th April, 2021)

Experience against a psychopath.

If a psychopath has a crush on me, I am not the problem at all.

Psychopaths do have unattainable goals be it any person; it aggrandizes their fragile ego in case they succeed in getting that person and to get that high/reach that peak, they keep chasing that person hiding the agenda from everyone and even using their own so-called friends without even letting them know and those poor fellows innocently do everything on the whims of that psychopath.

I have strong intuition. Most of the times, as I have judged anyone, it has proved to be true with time and sometimes it has begun being obvious to others as well. So, definitely, my mind works really well, it’s only an envious psychopath who tries to twist things about n around me so that others find me as the problematic one.

Not a stalker.

I don’t keep on stalking anyone

Unlike these dumb women do,

When my intuition hits me hard that something is going wrong

Only then I try to find the cue.

Lightened off..

Not knowing

what’s on going

I know life wants me to keep enjoying

Every feeling

Every impulse I gain

Not wanting me to numb down

Needing me to love everything

Like, love, loss and pain

Stigmatic as I could be

About being so psychic

I know nothing like intuition now-a-days

Feeling free from that heavy load

I am stunned with the sensory relief

Though I am feeling everything

I am unburdened of intuitive grief.

Insignificant mask.

What’s the point in hiding the fact that you people are friends?? Many things are quite clear to me already.

Your behaviour has become more like a transparent mask, making you feel like you are hiding something while I can see through it.

FOUND WITHIN ME..

“Right in the middle of chaos,

When the eyes lose their dreams,

When the mind will be shattered,

When the soul will feel like flying away from your body,

When the blood will be cold,

When the sun will feel eclipsed,

When the winds will turn into storms,

When the hills will be melting,

When there will be no hope,

I’ll meet you there”, he said,

The one who wants to hold me tight,

And wants to win for me any fight,

with that selfless love,

My imaginary lover;

My darkness would haunt me with these thoughts

The thoughts of my past..

With a hope in my heart

To find hope and love in someone else forever.

There is no mess, storm and darkness,

My blood is free flowing,

My soul is pure,

I am my own cure,

My mind full of light and existence glowing;

I am glad that I found my love,

Within me, for me, forever. ❤

WHAT TRANSFORMATION FEELS LIKE??

Do you ever feel like you have totally changed?? Like something died inside of you and something else is being born. You feel so weak for months and then day by day you start realizing that you have grown stronger than ever. You can bear a lot but at the same time you won’t allow anyone to hurt you, deceive you, betray you or make a fool out of you. You still have those good values that believe in humanity, brotherhood, integrity, etc. but you have become so dignified that almost nobody can shake you?? You don’t feel needy anymore. You don’t crave anything anymore. You don’t have care about what bad intentions anyone can have towards you. You just don’t care. You don’t care about who is thinking what about you, who is misunderstanding what about you, who is trying to figure you out, who is trying to mislead you, who is trying to guide you in the right direction, who is leaving you, who is trying to tarnish your image; you simply don’t care about anything. Literally about nothing and nobody. You don’t know where you are going but still in your heart and soul you can feel that you are going somewhere very beautiful; towards a very peaceful, successful and love-filled future. Something that feels very powerful, very transformative. You start crying out of nowhere, your body shakes and shivers out of nothing, you feel empty, you feel all the emotions at the same time, anxiety kicks you so hard, your heart keeps breaking over and over again, you feel mentally disturbed a lot, you feel like nothing is working and then when you really hit the rock bottom and feel like you have lost everything like your life has ended, it has no meaning, you are useless, you don’t know what to do, you have your plans but still you don’t work for them, you start remembering all of your traumas and count all of your failures and remember all the lives you have lost in your life, and then suddenly you go silent, completely silent. That silence guides you. It makes you flow with the universe. It works as a form of surrender. But then you begin to send affirmations to the universe about what you want, how you want it, and exactly at what time you are going to get it. And, it starts happening. You suddenly begin to work on yourself. You don’t even care if you are depressed, happy, angry, sad or whatever, you just don’t care. You become so strong mentally that you begin to think that whatever will happen I will handle it.

You are born to learn a few lessons at different points in your lifetime, thus you may go through all this every single time. The stronger and older your soul, the harder your lessons will be.

TRANSFORMATION PHASE IS THE REAL PAIN BUT SO WORTH IT !

Going through all the pain I have earned only self-respect and learned only gratitude. The pain that I can’t even explain, just tears start flowing through my eyes any time, like literally I have not cried this much in my entire life like I did this year. Something in me has finished so badly but I know something very good has begun to grow. I have gone through tranformation phases many times in my life but this one is one of its kind. My body shakes a lot like I can literally sense my old energy leaving my body. That stuck energy that used to tolerate a lot of shit. That energy had the sense of inadequacy all the time despite achieving many things. That ‘Not Good Enough’ energy. That energy that had traumas of many family members’ death, family abandonment, many physical ailments, loss of relationships and friendships, depression of more than two decades. That energy that used to feel that I deserved whatever I was going through. The energy of complete worthlessness of good things in life.

I had such a great fear of losing people that I could put up with any kind of behaviour, any kind of manipulation, narcissism, that despite knowing the truth I was always apologetic just because I did not want to lose someone. The problem was that nobody taught me how to love myself, I was the unwanted child who was always conditionally loved.

But now, I am letting go of all that energy. I am letting go of all the people that ever made me feel like I had to put up with their any kind of shit just for the sake of keeping a relationship or a friendship. I know my worth. I know what I am, what I want to be, and what kind of people I deserve in my life and to get all that I will always use my ways, be it silence, be it pure love or be it arrogance or cruelty. RIP to all the dead relationships and friendships. There is not a single person on this earth that can make me into anything, shake me or break me. I am thriving on my Karma !! And I am so so grateful to the universe for all those experiences; because of them I have gained this much Strength and am transforming into a Someone New.

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