This post is just to thank everyone here who stays patient with me. Sometimes, I cannot interact via comments because I feel shut down due to personal reasons n find it difficult to talk to anyone. Sometimes, you all have to deal with my negative posts involving anguish described in anger n rage. My family as well has to deal with my furious nature. Although, it has reduced drastically in comparison to the last year but still I feel that nobody else than me deserves to deal with those vibes. The darkness should stay with the person to whom it belongs and be released too in a healthy way. I find writing and painting as the mediums to release the negativity that engulfs me, from which I am unable to release it though Art as I can only paint good stuff. It’s only through writing that I can release my worst of dark emotions, and it’s really very important for me to release anger, otherwise I get sick physically as well (fever n low immunity). So, I just want to thank you all (including my family, whom I apologised for my behaviour) for being there in my lows as well, and not only in the times I write something good having some good vibes in it, full of love and beauty. 💜💖
They say “Date them all until one of them shows you he is serious”,
I say “Brozone them all until one of them shouts “I want to be your fucking husband !!”
*chaos versus clarity*
Crazy but it works 😜
You are not having a bad day,
You are surrounded by evil people who want to see you having a bad day and a bad life,
There is a difference.
A gap of two years really puts you far behind where you could be in blogging. I had started the blog in the second half of the year 2017, and just after writing 4-5 blogs, I left the website untouched for about two years and began writing again in oct-nov, 2019. I had started writing on this website just because I wanted to try something new and blogging was one on my bucket-list at that time. I used to think that one could just write something like poetry or interesting blogs and leave it as that only. I had no idea that to progress in blogging one has had to be interactive with the fellow bloggers, until recently. But I have a dilemma regarding this. Does it really matter how much you interact or communicate with others on your blogs or you can let your blogs speak for you specially when you are not a talker?? The gap really did put me far behind where I could be by now, but apart from that, am I doing it the right way or not, this question really strikes me hard sometimes. I really want to enhance my blogging skills while not wanting to be occupied with it for a good amount of time, as even now, this is not my first or even 5th priority.
Some people will chase you only till you are interested in someone else. Their character is like that only. It satisfies their ego to get you out of love with someone else. When they succeed in doing so, it makes them feel like they are better than the one you loved or were interested in, but when they succeed in influencing your mind away from that loved person, they treat you like you never mattered. STAY WOKE ABOUT SUCH NARCISSISTS AND DON’T GIVE A FUCK TO THEM EVER, ONCE YOU HAVE A SINGLE EXPERIENCE LIKE THAT WITH ANYONE LIKE THAT.
I lose interest out of nowhere
And it’s not that I don’t care,
I just have too many resposibilities to take
I have got very little time and soul to spare,
Love filled affection I lack today
That is something I really can’t fake.
Things my ex might have never told you:
1. I parallel park the car well.
2. He was not sapiosexual. He actually once said that he did not want this much intelligent girl like me for marriage.
3. I am quite spontaneous when it comes to dates. Wherever you want to go, I am ready to go there even in the middle of a cozy date.
4. I stay anxious for the first 5-10 minutes no matter how many times I have met you or how much comfortable I am with you.
5. I never told him ‘I love you’ in real, or say, face to face. [I have actually never said these words to any single person in real. Just couldn’t.]
6. Non-consensual foreplay doesn’t mean sex. Yup, I never did it. Doing only this much n this way was his definition of sex, not mine, it’s not even considered so generally. And yes, I didn’t even want to do that n he knew it. It was a mistake n there were deeper emotional reasons behind it related to someone else. I was not in love with my ex. I had moved on long before that.
7. I pay equally on dates.
8. I love to give gifts on special occasions.
9. I am too good at pampering my partner. (Sadly, which never got reciprocated).
10. I am a really (and I mean REALLY) good kisser.
11. His friends liked me. My friends never liked him.
12. He used to get more nervous than me while meeting me.
13. He could barely look into my eyes, seriously, never more than 2 seconds. I could see deception in his eyes easily sometimes. AND it was hella irritating to me when he couldn’t talk by maintaining eye contact for even a few seconds. It always hampered communication between us as I cannot talk without looking into someone’s eyes.
14. He was never loving or affectionate towards me. It was only one sided.
15. I tried to make him feel accountable for his wrongs n fought more than I did with anyone else.
16. He wanted to have sex with me, so that I could not be with someone, I fell in love with, after him. He knew about it. I had told him clearly about it. He just wanted to stay as the only one in my life even after treating me like the most worthless person of his life.
17. There was no love for him from my side after I told him that I had moved on (about 4 years ago).
18. We started off being good friends. And he ditched me even as a friend in the first 3 months of friendship only.
19. I am intimidating as fuck in real when I confront someone.
20. He had a lot of inferiority complexes soothing which I downplayed myself a lot and ended up boosting his ego a lot. He always underestimated my capabilities, I over-estimated many of his.
21. He was lowkey proud that I loved him and still made me feel worthless. PSYCHOPATH.
The point of sharing this is that if somebody’s ex tells you shit, you should confirm all that from that person unhesitantly. Why do you think that somebody becomes an Ex if they know someone really well n never lied??
I didn’t know intensity
And compassion from the other side,
until I got to know you;
and no matter how much I hated you for years in the past
for leaving me,
these are the virtues
that I have found only in you;
I am not saying this because I want something,
It’s just a way of gratitude
for I got to know somebody like you.
But particularly for the demixesual,
Emotional cheating always equals physical,
Only if you did not share a bed
Giving those emotions to someone else for a long time
You lead your relationship to end dead.
Logic, Karma, Spirituality, Wisdom or consider anything else,
It says, you cannot compare my dynamic with my love to my dynamic to you because
First of all, no such feelings involved from my side nor I did misguide you in that sense ever,
Secondly, you have to put yourself in my place, not in his place for such a comparison, and none of your petty selves could ever have that much dedication for me as much as I have for him,
Thirdly, what he gave me in what times only I know n thus still respect him,
Fourthly, just stalking me n going into your fantasy land about me could take you a lifetime to actually initiate even a friendship n so it did,
And last but not the least, nobody gives a fuck to you here, actually you have even lost the respect from my side, so just get lost n impose yourself somewhere else with your stalking, gossipping, and cowardly and sick mindset. Your so-called reputed job doesn’t mean anything when you show this kind of sneaky character.
(PS- This is not for anyone whom I ever dated or have been in good friendship terms or have talked to consistently or ever cared about. This is for a completely different group that is a good show-off of achievements n yet could not maintain integrity in real.)