Switched off intuition and confused myself..

I tried to switch off intuition

and now I am all perplexed,

I do feel the things in a certain way

trying to grasp the ‘why’s of everything,

Even while moving through the ruffled waters

I know where I am going

my intuition guides me my lane,

Now when I have switched it off I am feeling so low,

Feeling things, not vibes, in a confused way,

I don’t know what’s going where, like I am driving myself insane.

I think I turned against the nature,

Putting off something that makes the basic me,

That’s why the nature is punishing me,

The need is not to not feel things I am getting this now,

The need is to feel and be guided by my intuition and still be rational somehow.

(First published on 9th Jan, 2020)

My type !!

Considerate nature, positive attitude and complex mind is the bare minimum I seek to connect with.

What Are You Psychologically Projecting?

https://wp.me/p7bq2c-8fF

Kindly read it; you will get a lot of insight about your own behaviour. 🙂

THE WORDS I WILL NEVER SAY..

The moon bestowed so much beauty to your darkness,
that the sun got burned with jealousy.

I feel so lucky to know you,
I feel I am living only to write about you.

Your eyes make think of the sky,
Far reaching,
Beguiling,
Mesmerizing,
Endless beauty.

Just for once
say that you want me,
I promise,
I’ll leave my own body
if I will have to
For you.

Your love has no beginning,
My love has no end.

I am just fearful that
somebody might be praying
to be with you
more than me.

I am terrified with how much selfless I have become
after falling in love with you,
I am dying each moment
just to see you lively.

I don’t know what twin flame feels like,
but I have never felt before like it feels with you.

If you have planned to leave me,
Promise me
That you will be mine after our reincarnation into the next birth,
and every other birth,
as birds of same feather,
as wolves of the wild,
as shoots of the same roots,
as humans bearing the same child.

I know you were also into me,
maybe not as much as I was,
I know we felt a lot together,
maybe not for ever it was.

When I was in awe of you,
I was in reality in awe of me;
how could I find somebody so lovable,
by loving you I was loving me.

It’s strange that I have become so tolerant with you,
the things I would have thrown out of my life,
the kind of people I could never deal with,
you showed me the same kind of vibe,
I still could not let you go out of my life.

Love is not blind,
It’s our mind that plays the tricks,
seeing the devil playing its cards,
we begin playing with it.

I can’t fall weak,
I have the love
for both of us.

I wish we met a little younger,
maybe the stars would have broken in a different way
and we could end up together
in a beautiful way.

Those who say it’s easy to move on from somebody,
They definitely haven’t met you,
and they undoubtedly haven’t loved like I love you.

Her first and last wish must be to be with you,
Mine is to see you happy,
So unfortunate of me,
your happiness doesn’t reside with me.

If they can create a competition in love,
I hope you choose to lose,
for who would like to win
is not a true lover.

Let’s seek love like the ultimate truth,
once you get to know it
you’ll feel like even your existence is a lie;
Nothing is above and beyond true love.

The first time we met I was afraid
how important you could be to me,
I could see the potential
like something in you was calling to me,
something unknown,
something different,
The second time we met I was afraid no more,
I surrendered to it,
and ever since,
I haven’t found an escape.

No matter what you do to me,
You are somebody I can never call unworthy of love,
In you I see myself,
I can’t love myself enough,
But I can love me,
through you.

Till the end of time,
If I ever have to choose between my love and your happiness,
I will choose your happiness without a doubt.

I have loved before you also,
But never like this.

You call yourself weird,
I find you so easy to understand.

I distanced myself so that you could live better,
I felt like I was being your cage,
our friendship was fettering your spirit,
this distance will set you free
making you run far away from me,
with joy you will squeal,
and even with tears in my eyes
that will be the prettiest sight for me.

I will break into a zillion pieces to keep you whole,
If I can’t do that for thee,
then this love was never meant to be.

Passion never turned into obssession,
Feelings never became chains,
You never became a possession,
This relationship never got measured with gains.

You found out all about me
just to leave me.
Was I that bad or that good?

I wish that the stars break at least once for me,
For me to be one with you,
And this time I will choose that moment to continue forever.

You and I are imperfectly perfect together.

I know you love me
Not as much as I love you
But I know you love me too.

The time our lips met
I felt all of my older wounds healing
You were not only the balm to my wounded soul
You were much much more
You were that elixir that I was yearning for for years.

I did not give up on you,
I was seeing if you would.

You made me feel so free,
that I got bound with you
in that freedom.

Healing is not easy..

Healing is not easy, moving on is not easy. Your feelings can hit you anytime like a bull hitting you with his horns all out of a sudden. You feel drained again. You feel like fainting, like life should not exist anymore. You don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t even feel like thinking about it anymore but you realize a void suddenly. But it’s okay. You have gone through it before. You can pass through it once again. No darkness can exist for long when you have the capability to shine from within. Just like plants take time to grow, self-love requires time to heal those wounds; you have sown the seeds and are watering them daily, that’s enough for now. You don’t need to see the results right away. You just have to keep going, staying strong.

THE BLISS

Hither and thither

Placing anything anywhere

Sprinkling sparkles on the ashes of what’s ruined

They think that they have achieved a blissful state

‘The bliss of ignorance.’

Digging deeper into what is unknown

Bolting the door shut to external screams

The peace that was always within me

I have found that bliss

‘The bliss of peace.’

STRANGE FEELING

I wish events could be different,

A little strange but straight,

I am feeling a game being played again,

I am sensing that churn in my gut again,

Can’t point at what exactly,

This is hitting my mind abruptly,

Something is seeming to be settling,

Something is seeming to be lost,

I wish if only I could point out at what

is making my heart feeling frost,

The time I could feel a rush of warmth,

I am feeling like I’m moving into pain again,

Dilemma between heart and mind,

I want to choose my heart again,

But the mind has a value that my heart could never gain,

Whatever and howsoever the events turn out to be,

I want to remain working and sane,

For my heart’s decisions have ditched me in the past,

It’s my mind that took me away from that burn,

I wish only those win in the end,

Who have loved truly,

know how to get hurt,

And from their mistakes how to learn,

For I am tired of figuring out what is boon, what is bane,

And tired of my efforts to always go in vain.

REMEMBER YOUR STANDARDS

When you pick yourself up

also remember to lose everyone who can bring you down,

You have seen good in people more than they deserved,

You have seen bad in life more than you deserved,

Maybe you have to learn how to make people meet at your own level

although doing it by being rudely stern,

Maybe the standards you have created about your own behaviour

is all they have to see and learn.

MARSHY WATERS

I can’t create anything anymore,

I am feeling stuck in the similar patterns,

Trying to come out of the marshy waters,

I try to push through the mud with limbs n cry,

But all in vain,

Then an idea striking my mind,

Rather than getting out of it,

I shall stay quiet and calm,

I will slide through this as well,

Feeling free in the air of happiness,

Even after all this pain.

WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE CONTROLLING?

CONTROL ISSUES.. Something most of the people don’t understand in the real sense. You may think that somebody is trying to control you, physically or psychologically, but in reality the people trying to have a control over others have no control over their own life.

Always observe who is trying to control his/her own behaviour and who is trying to control that of others. Reasons can range from very innocent to malignant in the mind of that person(s) and it is highly likely that they don’t have any idea why they have such issues. Most probably they feel lost in their own world and feel like everything is falling apart, so they try to settle everything and everyone around them, apart from their own self. It might also become a kind of addiction of being ‘a helper’ because subconsciously they need to divert their mind from their own world, family, friends, love, career etc. There is indeed something really misplaced in their life, that’s why they think that they are doing the right thing by fixing others. People with least self-control or least control over their own life have a tendency to control others and situations related to others the most.

I am saying this out of my own experience and as an observer. I had this kind of addiction for a few years which ended about 4-5 years ago. And now I have observed the same in a few people.

So, what you can do when you observe ‘a fixer’ in your life??

1. ASK THEM QUESTIONS-Ask them if they themselves are okay? We project our inner world on the outside world and if somebody is finding a problem in us, it most probably is a problem they could not find out in themselves. Eg. (A) “I think you are in pain.” “No, I am not.” Here the first one himself/herself might be in psychological pain. (B) “Nobody understands you.” “I don’t even care.” Here, the first one feels like nobody understands them. Ask them questions or reply very subtly but directly and in a non-attacking form. Only ‘are you okay?’ can be sufficient sometimes but not always. Others can be “I am finding this in you actually. Is it true?” But do it (ask) only if you have ample time to listen to the answers because insufficient attention or interest taken may make them feel like either you are doing them a favour or are just trying to use them to pass your time.

2. CHOOSE UNDERSTANDING– If they are unwilling to tell you anything, then understand that they either don’t trust you with their delicate information or they simply don’t want to touch upon a subject. Do not push things further even in the other direction like trying to act like everything is fine on their side just because they have not told you anything. Here, just saying “I am all ears to listen to your story if you want to tell anything anytime” can also work pretty fine but say “anytime” only if you can be available to them like that, otherwise describe a specific time like “I am free at ____am/pm, just in case you want to talk” or anything like that will work.

3. READ THE CUES BUT DON’T OVERLY ANALYZE THEM- You might be surprised to know that sometimes we begin to over-analyze everything way too much. The one who seems to be controlling us or a situation in our life is actually trying to learn what would work for him/her in such a situation. The solution finders are learners and vice-versa. But if they seem to interfere a lot directly or indirectly, you can straight up tell them about it, but do it politely. Mostly we become so afraid of being controlled that we tend to be over-critical of others who even try to help us because we think that we don’t need help and end up controlling them rather. That’s why you need to be aware of the ones trying to control others, it might be possible that they themselves are afraid of being controlled. The helper needs help. But remember that primarily you have to take their words at their face value because you cannot press upon them to reveal anything. Respect privacy.

I could not think of other measures at the moment. Suggestions will be most welcome. THANKS. 🙂