A proud daughter of a man of many skills β€

A few people think that I am over-qualified whereas I still feel under-qualified, and it’s not because of any outsider; actually, my father was a highly-qualified scholar. He had 3 graduation degrees that were in science, arts, and law, each, n 3 post-grad degrees, in physics, english, and political-science, each. He also wanted to do post-grad in law, with me, but destiny had other plans and he succumbed to throat cancer, and thus, I also couldn’t carry on with my studies for the next one year. But then, I started with post-grad in political science as it was the only options left for me at that time and I was quite interested in it as well. After that, I am still studying, although I had a gap of one and half year in studies due to lockdown and changing areas of research.

Coming back to my father. He was studying law when he had 2 kids and was performing his official duties as well as he was doing job at that time. I mean, how could he manage everything so effortlessly. So much of hard-work on his part stayed unrecognized. He was too humble to believe and many people usually under-estimated him because of that, although those who actually knew him had a blind trust on him and his capabilities, and that’s what he actually deserved. Not to forget to mention, his level of knowledge, both static and current. Asked him about anything, he had the right answers most of the times, in the age when there was no internet, google, wikipedia.. Actually, he used to read 2-3 newspapers first thing in the morning, right after refreshing, Aaaaand books in the fields of novels, ayurveda, science n tech, astrology, etc. AND how can I not mention his talents?? He was really (I mean REALLY!!) good in cooking, sewing, carpentry in terms of repairing any furniture, sketching, gardening, playing musical instrument..in which sketching was truly exceptional as he could draw any still life object within 2-3 minutes with fast and light-strokes and all he needed was any paper and any kind of pencil..

Whole of my life I saw him doing things and asked myself where do you stand?? Yeah.. kind of inferiority complex I could have but instead, he proved to be an inspiration for me to always do and learn more and more.

Life is not forever, but the legacy you leave as a learner and doer is indefinite and forever.

MY FATHER πŸ’œ

You were not the shine,

You were the light

It’s your teachings and behaviour

That have guided me to choose the right

Whether in humanity, love, or fight,

You will always remain with me and inside of me,

With my every breath

I will keep missing

the smiling face

and beautiful presence of thee.

[HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALLπŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ˜‡]

(21st june, 2020)

A LETTER TO MY FATHER..

Dearest and The Best Papa,

I wish so badly that you were still here. You were such a great guide to me, A guide, friend and philosopher; and such a beautiful human being, so helpful, knowledgeable, intelligent, disciplinarian, understanding, selfless and humble and most of all, an examplary father. I cannot praise you enough. I tried to imbibe a lot of your traits, though unsuccessfully. You are still an epitome of strength to me and your absence will always feel like a big hollow in my heart and void in my soul. Surely, we are connected by soul but your humanly wisdom is what I miss a lot and most of all, your quite presence that always encouraged me to do better n better every single time I looked at you. You were my inspiration. Despite having so many hardships in life, you always had a smile on your face, depth in your eyes and hustle in your body and mind and not giving up in your spirit. I used to gain strength just after having a look at you, and if not that, you used to push me to do better and never give up. I know life was not fair to you. It never was till your last breath. Also, I want to apologize to you for not standing upto the mark.

I can never forget the day when I did not have the book during one of my last semester exams ‘law and medicine’, you did not let me know that you were out there in the markets of mumbai walking here and there for hours under the scorching heat, despite having cancer, not having eaten anything whole day, just to find that one book that was unavailable. That day I felt so helpless because I knew you’d do anything for me and I was never doing enough for you. I still feel helpless for that reason that I could never do anything good enough for you except studying, and I know that you also wanted me to do that but the responsibilities any child can take for his/her parents I could never take that. The time I could do that, you died; and that will always feel like a big incapacity on my part.

The thing you wanted the most for me, because I wanted that, I am quitting on that too. I guess, you will understand that too but I wish you were here to guide me better, I am sorry I am being selfish here but I really need you. I miss you so much that I cannot describe it in words. Sometimes I even feel like dying just to meet you. But I will try to be happy because I know you are always around and it makes you happy too, and it’s going to take long for us to meet in the same realm. Nobody can understand me better than you, I can say that without a doubt, we had silent agreements and logical disagreements. Many people say that I am just like you, I feel proud to listen to that but I am nothing near to you, some of your friends even called you a saint, I wish you could know (I think you heard them) and I cannot agree more.

In the end, I only want to say that I got blessed with a father like you and got cursed with your absence, but truly, you have been the best person I have even known. I wish I could tell you all this when you were alive but I know that you know what and how I feel about you and I wish we could spend this day together for several more years.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. ❀

-Your proud daughter.

Worst Day Of My Life.

The day of your abode will always be one of the worst days of my life, Papa. It’s been eight years but I have not completely healed since that day and cannot forget the way it happened so shockingly and how much pain you were in for months. I wish you could live much longer. But I know that your soul is still there, taking care of me and guiding me through many difficulties. I cannot write much here but you know that you will always be one of the best persons of my life and the best man I have ever known. I could not give you much in life, you left when it was your time to receive anything from me but I hope that I could make you very proud one day particularly and with my deeds every day. Meet me in my dreams till we meet again. Love you. Missing you.

Your Proud Daughter. πŸ’œ

Nightmare of Helplessness-Interpretation required.

This is a paragraph that I have found as a dream interpretation. I don’t know why I see some horrible dreams full of helplessness. I need some more clues or clear interpretation as to what actually they mean.

So, today I saw one such dream, or I say, a nightmare. Dream was quite long but I am writing about only that part that is bothering me the most.. My father and I were in a marketplace and he had an argument with a wholesale merchant about the price of some products, which he denied to buy, started going down a lane in the open in frustration. I was following him. I was a kid. I heard the merchant calling some men for attacking us. My father was walking with a good speed, I was lagging behind. I was trying to speed up as he was not listening to me when I was trying to tell him what I heard. Suddenly, a group of four-five goons came, held him and did beat him so mercilessly. They broke his that arm completely whose elbow was broken in real. He was drenched in blood. He initially tried to fight but all in vain. It all happened within seconds. They kept on beating him, and finally he died. I was at a distance, some people held me and I screamed like never before out of innate helplessness. Then I woke up.

Once in a while, I see such nightmares of immense helplessness in which always a group is attacking, mostly I see myself being attacked by mob, stabbed with knives, or killed in some ruthless ways. Fights, Bloodshed and death by a group or mob is the main theme of most of my nightmares. This time it was related to my father, which increased my intensity manifolds, that too about which I could not do anything. This was the feeling of helplessness like never before.

Is there anyone who can interpret dreams/nightmates and their symbols paychologically or throw some light?

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