With me, people did not have commitment issues.. People had “you seem too good to be true, let me test and exhaust you” issues..
Love at first sight is okay.
Ever experienced marriage at first sight?
Weight-loss Journey Blog #1
Please click on the link given above if you want to follow my personal weight loss/fat loss journey from 114 kg to 57 kg. Thank you.. 🙂
Something that creeps me up.
Alert- Paranormal real experience is being shared in the post. Do not read it at all if you cannot handle it or if reading such things fuck up your vibe.
I just know one thing what you are when you are alive, you stay that way even after you die. There is no theory about it, it’s puerply experience. There is nothing like hell or heaven, it is what inside of uou that you live that way n stay that way after you die.
There have been about 4-5 experiences with me, the fifth one which just happened after which I felt like sharing this incident here.
There is one soul, I don’t know if it’s of one of my own deceased family members or an unknown one or it’s some vodoo done by a bitch who could never get me (I am not calling a bitch here any male/female here whom I am or was connected to online, it’s someone from older generation).
So, coming back to the experience. This paranormal one attacks me in my sleep from behind and the only area attacked has always been my head n neck. The first four such incidences that happened in nov-dec, 2019, and what happened was _____ I was in my deep and content sleep. My bua (paternal aunt) was sleeping with me. Suddenly I started dreaming in which I was sleeping in the same way n same position in which I was sleeping in real n my bua also was sleeping in the same position in which she was sleeping that night. Then two hands took hold of my head from my neck n started pulling me from behind. Obviously I could not see anything in my dream, about who or what it was. But the pull was so strong. I was trying to scream in my dream looking at my bua but no voice came from my lips. I was thumping my hands, so that she could wake up from sleep n save me but she was in deep sleep. Those hands were being more forceful with their pull like really trying to get my soul out of my body. Then when nothing worked n I could not even wake up to get rid of it. I started chanting Hanuman Chalisa in my sleep only (yeah, I remember a few starting lines by heart as I used to do hanuman chalisa twice a day daily in my college days which I stopped doing after my father’s death). After chanting it for a few minutes, I became able to open my eyes (I mean I woke up), otherwise I felt so helpless in that sleeping state I can’t even describe. Just imagine a force pulling you out of yourself, you can’t see, you can’t use your voice, your soul is seeking help but nobody can help you, even your hands become useless as you can’t touch it. On another such completely similar incident I chanted waheguru waheguru. I mean I chant anything like that in my sleep and then become capable of at least waking up to get rid of that spirit.
Tonight (4:52 am is the time I got up from it), I experienced exactly similar thing. I was sleeping alone. I saw a dream in which I was lying in the same position in which I slept in real although the situation was different. It was not as dark as in those previous dreams. In this dream, A known person came to our house happy n cheerful with good vibes, I just smiled. I was a bit reluctant to get up as I had no energy left in me (in dream). I was still lying. That person went to the other room to meet my bua. I was all alone in the room, then again two hands grabbed my neck and head from behind and started pressing it. This time it didn’t feel like someone was trying to pull me out but it was more like an angry spirit. I was screaming “bchaoo..bchaaoo” (save me.. save me..) but others were in another room, I was all alone n nobody to help. Then I realised (in my dream itself) what was actually happening, I even realised in my dream itself that it was a dream but I was incapable of waking up. Then, this time I started chanting “Allah hu akbar, allaaah hu akbar” with force in myself imagining mecca’s image n tried to push my own spirit’s force backwards so that I could break myself free of that spiritm And it worked. I felt that thing breaking into pieces n then again I woke up. I was breathing so sharply, heavily n fast as much as one may breathe after running 50-100 kms without water.
It’s always a mix of lucid dreaming and paranormal reality. I can’t even tell how much helpless I feel in those moments when I am thumping my hands n trying to raise even a bit of voice so that somebody can hear me n save me, but am always unable to do so.. just remembering god in any form and using that good n powerful force against that evil one always works for me.. In 2019, I got so afraid after that that I intentionally stopped sleeping at night for a few days, no matter how sleepy I felt. The reason was that in the day time, my bua was not sleeping n she could help me in waking up, at least, just in case she would have heard me making any noise.
But one thing I would really like to know is who that evil soul is. Sometimes, I feel I know who it could be, but other times I feel that I see that person in my other dreams in a good state. This soul/spirit or whatever it is, is something that I have not seen in my dreams and have not even felt its presence as a human being in my entire life, so couldn’t be a familiar departed soul. Maybe purely a ghost or alien which has no face, I don’t know. I actually saw something like that while I was awake for a very minute fraction of a second (during those days when I experienced this thing in 2019). I was coming out of washroom that I saw a rusty coloured broken wounded burnt face n neck (without a body) but only head n neck in which there were no facial features (eyes, nose, mouth.. nothing), for a very minute fraction of a second. It gave me chills throughout my body. Creepy would be an understatement to describe that thing.
(NOTE: If you have read the whole post, kindly do not share any paranormal stuff in the comments; I am unwilling to read/see it. Thank you.)
Examples of Manipulation by a Narcissist.
Examples when Narcissistic manipulation can be felt:
-The narc first discards you for loving them too much, and when you move or are trying to move on, they almost beg to enter your life again.
-You do either this or that, the narc has a problem with you both the times. For example, you are ambitious and work on your goals, the narc accuses you of being self-centered and not invested in the narc or the relationship whereas when you have no goals to chase for the time being, the narc considers you ‘not good enough’, ‘lazy’, etc. and triangulates you with other people who are ambitious to look down upon you.
-Narc is envious of you but ‘acts’ like a motivator when you cannot do well in life, but the time you start functioning normal, the narc’s jealousy starts coming to the fore.
-Narc doesn’t want you but also doesn’t want you to want someone else.
-Narc wants you but only till he gets another supply, then the blame of everything going wrong shifts on you, the wrong that actually is being done by the narc or is inherently present in the narc.
-The narc mostly wants you to improve ‘only in words’ and for only that amount of time you are enhancing his social image or self-image. The moment he knows you are doing it for yourself, all hell lets loose and lashing out begins out of the blue.
-Narc is your well-wisher only till the time you are acting or talking against someone or something he hates.
-Narc’s principles are for you, not for him to follow. For example, if you start liking someone else than the narc, you are disloyal and a piece of shit while you both were not committed, but if he starts liking someone else and you both were not committed, it’s his choice and liberty to do anything he wants to do. Another example, if you get angry at him or someone else, you are evil whereas if he gets angry at you or someone else, you or that person deserves it, no other explanation.
-Narc will support you with a hidden agenda. The agenda can be as simple and as complex as boosting one’s (his) ego that he is altruistic, although the support will not be there because you need it, but purely because it’s the narc’s need to feel meaningful in his own eyes, whereas any time you would have actually needed the narc, he would be absent or indifferent to your needs.
-Narc will always abuse you through means which other people cannot recognize and publically will always say that he never abused anyone. Either the narc doesn’t know what abuse actually means or he is just hiding it. Mostly the case is the latter because he is always the innocent and benevolent one in front of the people else than the target of abuse.
-Narc tries to intimidate his target, even though he fails at it, he tries over and over again, and when he knows that the target cannot be intimidated, he tries to be in the good books of the target itself because he wants the strong one to either be weak in front of him or be in his team.
-Narc wants to control someone, either physically, mentally or emotionally. Emotional control over a person is the best feeling for any narc because a narc is devoid of having healthy and rational emotions. Yep. Rational emotions exist. His emotions are most of the times born out of his evil mind and a lack of controlling or regulating his own thoughts and a failure in controlling others’ or his particular target’s emotions.
Old results’ analysis..
This is what happens when you don’t have a single book or any study material for a couple of your exams. 😢😭
PS- If you write a very good 15 marks answer about a political party (INC) in India which is not in rule or is not the favourite one of the examiner, you may get very bad marks in that paper. I genuinely felt so in that PPI (Political parties and electoral politics in India) paper because my paper was pretty well-written and the marks given were shocking to me to a good extent.
One of my biggest flex was not flexing about the fact that those who said they would find BETTER than me, ended up with someone MUCH WORST THAN ME.
That’s how they fuck up by comparing me or triangulating me with anyone. Face YOUR KARMA. ENJOY THE LOSS !!✌
How intelligent of me to think that either my phone’s audio or my ear-plugs stopped functioning while I didn’t even put the ear-plugs in my ears.
Once an Avid-Reader..
Just a list of Books I have had read in the past, online. The list is not exhaustive as there were books and series of books like Harry Potter series-my first ever novel reading (in school n college), Pride and Prejudice(college), Othello(college), etc. and then donated those books as I didn’t feel like reading anything again, once read. The tick marked ones in the given list are still downloaded in my google books play directory, others with the mark of ‘downloadable’ are those which I removed from my downloaded list, but which can be downloaded again.
I am sharing this because I was such a avid-reader of novels that touched my heart and piqued my mind’s curiosity to delve into them more and more, that I even finished reading two-three books of the same novel series in a single day. But then I stopped reading novels about two years ago and other non-fictional books by the end of 2019. The reason is purely lack of interest. I just stopped delving into and/or dwelling into the fantasy world, because when you read a novel, you somehow can connect yourself to the characters and I didn’t feel like doing that anymore because my personal life’s situations got changed drastically, and thus, I felt that I could never relate to any fiction. Probably, in the future I will be able to connect with and read more of fiction as well as non-fiction, but, as of now, I have bid adieu to this reading addiction, and I am sure that it’s for good. 🙂
PS- Please zoom in the image to read the names of the soft copies of books. I could not write their names as the list is long.
It is what it is !! 🤣
A toxic one would triangulate you with any miserable one to demean you but the same shithead won’t stop begging you for your attention.