Lightened off..

Not knowing

what’s on going

I know life wants me to keep enjoying

Every feeling

Every impulse I gain

Not wanting me to numb down

Needing me to love everything

Like, love, loss and pain

Stigmatic as I could be

About being so psychic

I know nothing like intuition now-a-days

Feeling free from that heavy load

I am stunned with the sensory relief

Though I am feeling everything

I am unburdened of intuitive grief.

Fam ❤

You put me in the mud

But watered my growth daily,

You gave me so many wounds

But kissed my every scar,

You made me think you hate me

But loved me so immensely,

You blocked my freedom

But let me think freely,

What did not you do for me?

You did more than anyone could do or be,

For I can always count on you

Not only this

But for many lifetimes to come

I am indebted to thee.

Him and I, From a wolf tribe.

A lone wolf is my spirit’s drive,

Embracing my wilderness,

Claiming my authenticity,

Silent, calm and compost and scarcely seething angry,

Working all alone,

I am sure some day I will meet the one,

Honest, righteous and success hungry,

Whose frequency matches with my vibe,

I will meet the one from my own soul tribe.

Strange but a beautiful dream that felt so real.

It is one of those dreams, those vivid ones that I can feel in real and see or feel very clearly. I am feeling joy, excitement and awkwardness all at the same time sharing it here. I saw it between 4-5 am because I got up at 5 am. I see this kind of energetically real dreams very less but with more or less modification they come true or at least energetically whatever their significance or vibe is, it turns into reality.

Okay, so, coming to the dream real quick. I am in a different place than my native one, probably a village but that’s probably near delhi (I saw the dream with the same topic and same energetic vibe in delhi a few months ago also). I went to a gurudwara, probably Bangla Sahib, did a few general rituals related to prayers that are done in sikhism. In the next flash, I am with somebody with whom I got married without anyone’s knowledge and we are in a village (vibe was either of a village near delhi or somewhere in maharashtra or kerela, I cannot point out exactly because it was a vibe and I cannot explain this kind of dreams too well with surety but they feel so real) hiding from a group of people, probably the people from his side or against him (a group definitely related to him only and we are hiding because of our marriage). That group is not dangerous but we have to hide, I don’t know why, but probable reason is it’s an inter-religion marriage; and I have no idea what his religion is. We probably did court marriage. Now, we are lying closely together, snuggled, I told him, “I am afraid constantly that they will find us.” A bus arrives outside the room in which there are a few people. He says, “don’t worry even if they come, we are together. I have loved you since forever.” I am not lying I have waited for someone to say this to me whole of my life and I am listening to it from somebody who has already become mine (but under a fear?), that’s a beautifully strange feeling of both security and insecurity, pure love and eternal togetherness. Then one by one people have begun coming to us and who are they? First of all enters one of my aunts, with prasad (a religious offering) in her hands, brought from a far off religious place, and she gave both of us blessings and said, “finally, you both have gotten married. I cannot describe my happiness in words. Stay blessed. Stay happy. Stay together.” Okay, so maybe we had aquainted my family that we had gotten married and were staying at that place. Then came my another two aunts, one happy and another’s vibe I could not infer; and then entered one of my college friends from the law college, happy and congratulating me; one south indian hindu priest with a bowl of parsadam, which he hands over to me, and I eat it. I ask my husband where his portion was, to which the priest said that that it was for women only because of the particular ingredients, it is not suitable for men (I have no idea of ‘what and why’ about it because I have never heard of anything like that, I look at him with disbelief and little confusion in my mind about why did I eat it). Then one of my aunts tells me that she has informed his family also and they must be arriving soon. We both(him and I) look at each-other, with a look of anticipation about their reactions but I am sure that that group about which we are afraid is not his family, that’s some outsider group that is against our marriage whereas our families just did not know that we got married. Probably we are going to get married again according to rituals of both of our religions, in the presence of our families.

How and where the marriage happened, I could not see that. I could not even see his face. It was purely a feeling. I know that person, I am so sure that I know him but I don’t know yet who he is because I could not see his face, I could only feel him. You know that feeling when souls get so connected that the looks don’t matter anymore, that kind of feeling; but it was so real. I don’t even know if I have met that person or not, the vibe was just that- a known person, friend or stranger, I don’t know the face or whereabouts of him but I know him. And, by the time I got up, there was no fear of that particular group, just an aching need to know my future partner with whom I have gotten energetically eternally connected, and a beautiful feeling that it is going to be strange and messy in the beginning but our union will continue beautifully. And it is definitely going to be a love marriage.

Strange but a beautiful dream.

FIRST MEETING..

Oh..Now I understand what I am feeling,

And why I am feeling it today,

Exactly an year ago we met for the first time,

I in red and you in black,

I was happy, really happy to see you

Quarter past five was the time,

Your first words were Pi Hi,

“Oh so rhythmic” I thought 😂

Trying to gulp my laughter in a nick of time,

And then that cute cuddly hug,

I loved your friendly way,

Not finding any place in the cafe, so crowded,

You found some other place to reach,

Driving oh so slow intently,

Gleefully n gay,

Trust me, I love high speed driving

I was getting irritated but it was too awkward to say 😂

But how you were doing it, loud music, slow pace, goggles on, I simply loved your swaggy way,

And then you started testing my knowledge,

I knew the answers,

You wanted me to speak up but I hardly had anything else to say,

Let me digest that we have finally met

One year four months after chit-chatting n flirting

“Really this long??” My mind got to sway.

You were really really sweet,

A bit testing, opinionated and sensible too,

Why so like me? I just don’t say things and you do.

You and your black coffee,

I read the disappointment on your face

When I didn’t exchange our different coffee to taste,

I did it on purpose,

I wanted to test how you handle a disappointment,

Pretty good in that too,

I got it you don’t behave in haste.

I know you thought I was nervous

More than I could infer,

Though I was not and never with you,

My thoughts were running around observing you silently,

I was liking you so much

And your talk

And your smile in between was a comfort.

Ah..Then came the time to say goodbye,

First you on purpose, then me on purpose,

Insisted you to drop me at my place 😂

Dirty thoughts in your mind on the way,

And lots of laughter due to that in my headspace 🤣

“Yay.. nothing’s gonna happen,

What’s up in store about it after this,”

Was what was ruling my mind,

“Let’s not get intimate so early,

I don’t want this relation of that kind.”

But when the time came to part ways,

Right in front of my door,

And you just hugged and kissed me

Sweetly yet out of a sudden;

Oh man, did you evoke something in me,

I can’t describe it, that fire,

First meeting, sweet beginning, turned into something hot and me rudden.

But you remained a gentleman all throughtout the meeting,

And I did have to behave like a lady,

Yeah.. We had to,

Because there was nothing else we could do, not that we could never,

We could but not that day,

That day I didn’t know

But I got something for you,

Something to stay with me forever. ❤

THE WORDS I WILL NEVER SAY..

The moon bestowed so much beauty to your darkness,
that the sun got burned with jealousy.

I feel so lucky to know you,
I feel I am living only to write about you.

Your eyes make think of the sky,
Far reaching,
Beguiling,
Mesmerizing,
Endless beauty.

Just for once
say that you want me,
I promise,
I’ll leave my own body
if I will have to
For you.

Your love has no beginning,
My love has no end.

I am just fearful that
somebody might be praying
to be with you
more than me.

I am terrified with how much selfless I have become
after falling in love with you,
I am dying each moment
just to see you lively.

I don’t know what twin flame feels like,
but I have never felt before like it feels with you.

If you have planned to leave me,
Promise me
That you will be mine after our reincarnation into the next birth,
and every other birth,
as birds of same feather,
as wolves of the wild,
as shoots of the same roots,
as humans bearing the same child.

I know you were also into me,
maybe not as much as I was,
I know we felt a lot together,
maybe not for ever it was.

When I was in awe of you,
I was in reality in awe of me;
how could I find somebody so lovable,
by loving you I was loving me.

It’s strange that I have become so tolerant with you,
the things I would have thrown out of my life,
the kind of people I could never deal with,
you showed me the same kind of vibe,
I still could not let you go out of my life.

Love is not blind,
It’s our mind that plays the tricks,
seeing the devil playing its cards,
we begin playing with it.

I can’t fall weak,
I have the love
for both of us.

I wish we met a little younger,
maybe the stars would have broken in a different way
and we could end up together
in a beautiful way.

Those who say it’s easy to move on from somebody,
They definitely haven’t met you,
and they undoubtedly haven’t loved like I love you.

Her first and last wish must be to be with you,
Mine is to see you happy,
So unfortunate of me,
your happiness doesn’t reside with me.

If they can create a competition in love,
I hope you choose to lose,
for who would like to win
is not a true lover.

Let’s seek love like the ultimate truth,
once you get to know it
you’ll feel like even your existence is a lie;
Nothing is above and beyond true love.

The first time we met I was afraid
how important you could be to me,
I could see the potential
like something in you was calling to me,
something unknown,
something different,
The second time we met I was afraid no more,
I surrendered to it,
and ever since,
I haven’t found an escape.

No matter what you do to me,
You are somebody I can never call unworthy of love,
In you I see myself,
I can’t love myself enough,
But I can love me,
through you.

Till the end of time,
If I ever have to choose between my love and your happiness,
I will choose your happiness without a doubt.

I have loved before you also,
But never like this.

You call yourself weird,
I find you so easy to understand.

I distanced myself so that you could live better,
I felt like I was being your cage,
our friendship was fettering your spirit,
this distance will set you free
making you run far away from me,
with joy you will squeal,
and even with tears in my eyes
that will be the prettiest sight for me.

I will break into a zillion pieces to keep you whole,
If I can’t do that for thee,
then this love was never meant to be.

Passion never turned into obssession,
Feelings never became chains,
You never became a possession,
This relationship never got measured with gains.

You found out all about me
just to leave me.
Was I that bad or that good?

I wish that the stars break at least once for me,
For me to be one with you,
And this time I will choose that moment to continue forever.

You and I are imperfectly perfect together.

I know you love me
Not as much as I love you
But I know you love me too.

The time our lips met
I felt all of my older wounds healing
You were not only the balm to my wounded soul
You were much much more
You were that elixir that I was yearning for for years.

I did not give up on you,
I was seeing if you would.

You made me feel so free,
that I got bound with you
in that freedom.

Twin-flames love feels right..

We are so similar in many ways,

We can’t hurt the good ones, sometimes even the bad get the good side,

but won’t mind hurting anyone by hitting them with the truth or be distant to protect our sanity,

We have our reasons that we keep from the world,

We hide our emotions, emotions run deep but logic rules behaviour to stay away from others’ insanity,

Affectionate with the right ones, self-respect on top,

I show my sensibility to the whole world, hide my childlike nature,

You show your childlike nature to the world, hide your sensible nature,

We say what we mean and mean what we say,

straight to the point,

no mind games,

Wild at heart, mind dark and twisted,

Persona full of spark with the right ones and trusted,

Passion, anger, lust and love, the similar kind,

And that thirst for knowledge,

Must have been called wierdos by many

Who couldn’t understand,

Wanderers, unaware and not afraid of the uncertain,

Neither liking to control others, nor wanna be chained,

We just show and hide our natures differently,

Still too similar,

I think this is what is Twin Flames named.

That connection was not wrong,

That bond being natural thus right,

We are sentimental,

For understanding each-other we don’t have to fight.

I don’t care if the future is dark or bright,

I will still love you without expectations

Because I know this love is right.