Only if you could listen to my heart,
It still beats your name.
(2nd aug, 2020)
Key to heart.
Tag: deep love
Interception for self..
When your heart shatters into a zillion pieces,
When it still doesn’t make any noise to the outside world,
When you can’t hear your own screams,
When you silently own every single broken piece in your existence’s hold,
Know that there will be someone who will make it easy for you;
Someone will make easy the love for you,
The love you give and their love for you,
Someone will make the life easy for you,
The way you want to live it,
doing the things you love to do,
Someone will make it easy for you to smile,
The real unfiltered blooming out of innate happiness they give to you,
And until you meet that special someone
Cherish everything that you are
Find depth in your hollowed heart
Find solace in your solitude
Find heights increasing in your strength
For living alone this way is truly an art.
(First published on 17th jan, 2021 on my other website http://www.yourchoicestlifestyle.com )
Need to breathe.
Swimming through
the ocean of emotions, I forgot
I was not a fish.
(Published on 1st dec,2020)
Pretty thing.
Feel the texture,
Smell the picture,
If you can.
Meet you on the other side.
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com
When the time will be right
We’ll find each-other again,
Not fragile
Not with any unhealed wound
Not lost
Just two whole beings
Looking for more
that only in each-other we can found.
(Original publishing date: 13th april,2021)
Divine Timing.
Many things are falling into place after so long,
Those who are meant to stay, are coming together,
Those who are meant to be away, are falling apart,
And that which hasn’t happened yet is about to happen,
It’s just about the right time,
Confessing, waiting and looking for the right time is truly a heart’s art.
One love stays with you forever.
Some people really think that why I don’t move on or try with someone new.. There is a very very deep reason. I actually moved on. I thought that I’ll never think about him ever again. In those times I was just numb to feelings. I became really logical as well as triggered. I was not feeling like myself for months. It’s not that I never tried. But someone doesn’t get out of your mind n soul. It’s not even ego that is making me hold onto him. It’s something, just there, right from the times when I even didn’t know that I had any feeling for him in the first place. It is not going anywhere. What do I do?? A few people try to influence me against it through posts on pages. And seriously, it annoys me to the core.
I had tried to move from the last person (before him) by dating one person who was really good, caring, marriage material. I even got physical with my ex to move on from him. That time also I couldn’t because I was feeling passionately for that one.
But then, whom I love came to my life out of the blue. Honestly, I was keeping a good distance from him. I didn’t want to fall in love ever again. And even he wasn’t interested in making me feel anything like that. But with friendship and affection, I started feeling very close to him. I was constantly denying myself that it was getting deeper because I, somehow knew that I would hurt myself at some point if I would feel anything else that friendship and affection for him. But I was feeling something else.
And when we got physical, even then for a few days I was in denial mode. Seriously, I couldn’t handle how intensely we made those moments. They might not be too much for many others, including him. But it was a lot for me. But still I was denying myself about its depth for a few weeks. I didn’t get what.
But now when I have tried every single fucking thing to move on. I don’t get it what is the problem with people who are just into talking against it. Why can’t you see someone loving someone else truly. Yes, for now, it is in words only. But my words come out from the depths of my soul. It’s too difficult for me to accept my own feelings being highly rational generally, leave alone being expressive about them. If I am being expressive about my feelings, it is something even I still cannot describe in words. It is much more than that.
Now, what do I do?? Try with new people, faking it all, wasting mine and their time?? I think it would be too selfish to do. So, I usually avoid anyone who may have interest in me, because I know that I won’t be interested in them in that sense.
What do I do with what I am feeling in my heart and soul?? I am taking my time. I am not forcing anything. I just want him to feel what I feel, that too, not forcefully, but by being a little expressive. I think that when I am not doing anything out of ego or to get him. I am doing this because things got fucked up last time because I stifled my feelings that time. I waited a lot, even gave up, but it has come up again in me. It really means that it had never gone. I had just become numb to my own feelings, also because I had lost my bua, I was traumatised and could only get triggered and could stay hurt. I was not in touch with my soul, my ego was saving me. Now, I am in balance, and I really want to see it will go where and I am hoping for a beautiful outcome. I am taking my time and putting my energy only where I want to and need to. I really don’t need unsolicited advices, specially those that go against my inner voice.
I don’t know healthy relationship. I have never been in one. That is why I am working on myself, so that I can have a wholesome relationship with someone I truly love. I don’t want anything toxic in between us. I am working on my triggers. A few friends may as well have observed that I have changed my behaviour a lot compared to what it was before. I am not faking it. I am working on it.
Problem with good emotions.
My problem is that I may tell you that I love you and then would like to stay alone but when I would like to be with you I won’t even say a thing.
Some people cannot handle good emotions at first and I am one of them. It’s because they never or barely got to experience love. So, it feels over-whelming when they get to experience it.
I Think For All 