Lock me up with the door open-Lockdown 5.0 in India.

Strategies of lockdown 1 and 5 could be better but nope! We are disorganised as always.

Why don’t they just make it very simple that testing is compulsory and those who have got tested for covid-19 can move around freely?

Should have begun testing with the most crucial industrial and agricultural sector parts (testing done by government recommended) alongwith that of private companies involved in supply of goods and transportation, right during the initiation of lockdown one. Then the employees in administrative branches could be tested so that offices could be opened up by lockdown 2 or 3. And finally the educational institutes could be opened up after compulsory testing of all the teaching staff and students right from day one of the new session, maybe alongwith testing of their parents.

Malls, cinema halls could still wait to be opened up. What was more required was a workable goods delivery system rather than letting people roam around such sites freely.

And what was the need to open up worship places?? Does that money go to government in any way or praying together in the very close proximity is going to stop the spread of virus?? This may happen to be the biggest downfall in their strategy.

But okay.. Good organisation or management is not this government’s forte, trend shown time and again.

(Originally posted on 31st may,2020)

THINK ABOUT IT.

Who is toxic and victim player??

AND ON THE TOP OF IT, if you complain or expose them, they say that you have been playing the victim and are the toxic one because you have created a scene and have been talking shit.

Here, you are not ‘playing the victim‘, YOU ARE THE REAL VICTIM which a NARCISSIST WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO.

The SHIT you are talking about is actually THE SHIT THE NARCISSIST IS AND THE SHIT THE NARCISSIST DID TO YOU.

The TOXIC ONE is the NARCISSIST who did that toxic shit to you sneakily and you just talked about the TOXICITY. Talking about toxicity does not make anyone toxic.

Last but not the least, when you bring out about the toxicity of a narcissist to others, you are bound to be called the toxic one and the victim player and the negative, crazy one. But remember this thing, a narcissist will always be the last one to look crazy. It’s always the victim who looks crazy but actually it’s the narcissist who is doing everything crazy behind the scene. AND when you look crazy to everyone, the narcissist will behave like the victim telling everyone that you have always been toxic because now he knows that everyone has seen your crazy side and nobody has seen his toxic side, and thus it’s very easy for him to actually play the victim.

ILLUSTRATION: think about a criminal who did hurt or committed grievous hurt to someone and started calling the victim a criminal who is playing the victim just because the victim complained about the criminal and is angry and crying and exposing him in front of everyone.

Now, take that criminal in the civil settings and the hurt or grievous hurt as the psychological one. YES ! NARCISSISTS ARE PSYCHOLOGICAL CRIMINALS SOME OF WHOM ACTUALLY ARE ALSO THE REAL CRIMINALS WHO HAVEN’T GOTTEN CAUGHT YET.

WHERE ARE THE BOUNDARIES??

COPYRIGHTS RESERVED BY PREET

When I wanted to get clicked wearing this set of clothes, I could see a huge disappointment and panic on my bua (paternal aunt’s) face. I guided her how to to click this picture (the exact place where she had to keep the mobile in hand) and just tap on the button. She was hugely annoyed to even look at me, spare clicking the picture. I asked her “what happened” although I was known to the answer already. She said “from where have you learnt wearing these clothes and clicking these pictures??” to which I replied that these days many people wear them. There’s nothing wrong in them. They are casual clothes. She went a step further and said, “nobody cultured wear this. Only sex workers/sluts wear this, that too, not from India, negros wear this.”

If I was dealing with her 3-4 years ago and listened to these words, I would have left the house (saying this very seriously as I had tried once in 4 years ago), but now, having her as a responsibility to me, I cannot do that or even think about that. Instead, I said, “You are very backward, biased and narrow-minded. Look around you, and see how much the world has progressed from this backward mentality” and then carried on with sharing the picture on instagram. After that, she was like “you are ruining your dead father’s name. You do this kind of stuff. (Mare hoye peu da naam khraab kri ja ese kamm kar kar ke)” I think this was quite a big another trigger for me usually, but I am glad that I still kept my cool and told her “nothing like that happens. You are over-reacting for no reason and anyways, he’d tell me in my dream if he’d be disappointed. And I am an adult, you have no right to question what I wear and what I share anywhere.” Seriously, she was still looking at me like I did some crime, although she had been saying utter bullshit all the while. She went onto saying “I never prohibited you from wearing anything or meeting anyone.” Well, that was quite a LIE. She always panics whenever I go onto meeting any person. She even used to panic when I met a female friend, meeting a male friend or going on a date was like making her understand the whole idea of the meeting, details in advance and repeatedly telling her “it’s just a meeting. You must be thinking I am going to have sex.” because it was always about my father’s reputation according to her; and honestly, it was never that she let me wear anything I wanted, it was always a hell lot of drama from her side about my clothes (uptil my good age of 24 years she even had a problem with me using any kind of make-up). Soooo, again, I kept my cool and told her “see, you just made a big issue out of my clothes right now and you never let me meet anyone peacefully ever, you always did fight about that. Just accept that you are socially backward, not cultured or traditional and stop thinking that I won’t do what I want to do.”

The point: Sometimes what you see is not true. The one who seems rude has become so when that person had no other option left and the one who seems to be very protective and caring is just an immature energy vampire who sucks on the mind and energy of that ‘rude one’ without any limit making that person to react really rude or cruel as a result. Some people, be it a family member or a friend or an outsider break one’s boundaries way too much just because that person made them comfortable in doing so, by not standing up for one’s own rights. I did that a lot in my childhood, adolescense and adulthood as well. I always thought about the comfort of my family, their wishes about how I should have lived, just so that they could not have any mental or emotional issue because of me. BUT I realised over time that I made them way too comfortable in interfering in my life. Initially, I used to get triggered badly by such comments from them, but I am glad that I learnt handling the situation, calmly, over time.

Honestly, I am feeling guilty sharing this because it feels like I am bringing my family’s issues here on a platform where people do not need to know about it but on the other hand, I think and feel that it is crucial to share such incidents. I used to be held back, depressed and not myself for years because of such nagging, controlling and biased behaviour of my own family members, and never shared a thought with anyone faking it that everything was perfect whatever was happening and how-so-ever I was being treated.

It does not mean that they don’t love me. They can even die for me if the need arises, to save me, but, the main problem is that they never let me live either. I never feel mentally, emotionally and socially content and safe. I have become really tough and walled because of strong boundaries, but I really feel that just in case, they had gotten some counselling from an outsider professional, they might have had a better mindset and behaviour, that could as a result let them and me live freely without any fight on very menial and personal stuff like make-up, clothing, and being social.

Self-control..

Self-control so good that I may have love and lust for someone so much that I want to rip off his clothes and make the hottest love, and still won’t talk to that one.

Self-control so good that I will observe a few people’s stupidity for years and won’t say a thing.

Self-control so good that even if the hottest guy be dancing nude in front of me and I won’t be caught ever for getting physical with him, I still won’t do a single thing.

Self-control so good that I can buy a dress and not wear it for 7 years even for once.

Self-control so good that if I am on my desired strict diet, you may have a lavish feast in front of me for days and I won’t take a bite.

Did you say ‘go with the flow’ and acted different? (Read carefully)

https://yourchoicestlifestyle.com/2021/02/06/go-with-the-flow-an-eye-opening-monologue/

It’s not good that you try to change other’s permanent decisions based on your own temporary feelings and emotions that keep on fluctuating; If you are doing this, you are just trying to control someone just because you lack in self-control.

Not a stalker.

I don’t keep on stalking anyone

Unlike these dumb women do,

When my intuition hits me hard that something is going wrong

Only then I try to find the cue.

Proud ❤

Didn’t want to boast but it’s true that the person with the strongest and the best character I have ever known is Me.

Many people have tried to imitate but failed miserably.

You make me feel free.

You know how it feels to lose control?

I got to know that in those moments

When we could say anything with no bounds

No filter in our talks,

Or I say I found it more

When you made with your teeth those marks?

Your spell.

Your furious tongue slithering though my neck,

From here to there,

Touching me at places

Was burning my desire like hell,

Peaking my arousal

Rushing the adrenaline through my veins

Making me feel lost

Under your sensual spell.

Self-evaluate your reactions.

If anybody got offended by my last post, it only means that either they were finding pleasure and validation in my pain, which by any means is toxic, or they are over-analysing what I write. In both the cases, they need to find their mental balance and stop being overly reactionary.

The above-mentioned post.

PS- I am not giving any explanation about my behaviour here as I do not owe it to anyone for what I write. I am just trying to reflect on people’s reactivity so that they can heal on their own by self-evaluation.