You were not the shine,
You were the light
It’s your teachings and behaviour
That have guided me to choose the right
Whether in humanity, love, or fight,
You will always remain with me and inside of me,
With my every breath
I will keep missing
the smiling face
and beautiful presence of thee.
[HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL💜🤗😇]
(21st june, 2020)
A girl loving and liking
only the dunken dough-nut, waffles and malt,
Knowing the nature of world odd and snide,
Found comfort in things that never came to halt,
Having a kind, gentle and childlike heart,
She remembered each action of others,
Having deep emotions and sentivity being her nature’s part,
In the era of liking for materialistic possessions,
She was fond of, an admirer of, art
Alpines, trees, snow-flakes, waters, jungles, birds,
animals not put in a cage or cart,
She loved the poetry of nature
Yet aiming, for her goals keenly, with a surreal dart.
She had the innocence to dream like cyndrella,
Waiting for her prince charming,
but she got many a fake of princes
that made her senses more alarming.
Unlike the story of romeo n juliet,
She loved yet did not get the same in return,
which made her emotions, deep in her psyche churn,
She already had the wounds of the past
but they made them even more burn.
There came the king,
There came the silent lover,
There came someone with an obsession,
There came someone with power,
Though they lied n tried,
showed her their gullible pride,
But always her inner voice became her guide.
‘You can’t mess with a girl like that’
was her love song for whole of her life,
All she wanted was to be, for once,
one’s best friend and lover,
not to take up her burdens,
but to stay present with her in her strife.
(16th Nov, 2019)
I can’t even explain how I think. Many live in and for experiences. I really don’t seek them. I don’t seek events to make memories about them. I don’t think that we are what we create or some experiences can create us (ok particularly me here). How I take experiences is purely the mental stimulators or catalysts for different thinking. As far as I remember nothing has changed me much. Those who know me now or at whatever period of time they might have known me may think that I have changed a lot. But that’s not true. They have only seen my behaviour for a short period of time n for a few events or so on but my basic nature has always been like this only.
I was always quiet in front of the outsiders (school, college, relatives functions, strangers etc.) and quiet in my own home maybe for eternity.. but.. whenever I wanted to socialise I was one hella fun person. I was always the one who organised family functions to the T (not the labour part, ok). I was always sporty whenever anyone came to the house (n got comfy in the family) to play a game or two. I made jokes whenever I observed something laugh-worthy in the surroundings. I was analysing situations, people’s behaviour and dynamics of different kinds right from my very childhood (like since the age of 6-7 years old). I always observed a lot. Like really.. I can very confidently say that I filter about 95-98% of things that I observe just because I find them quite useless including people who think that they can always sneak, tresspass, abuse n escape.. “Nope ! You didn’t. I did let you because you are not important at all.” If you think that I have become angrier, that too, is in my nature by birth, though the outlets have changed. I used to store it all or tended to flush off that energy by playing cricket for two hours daily in the evening (though with my brother n father only). It was really a good release of energy then. Now I feel like not storing any shit in my mind n release it all through words. If we talk about confidence. I always had a very good amount of self-confidence but I was always quiet about it because I was getting regular recognition about my capability through professors n results etc. Now I have to show it in other ways because of the wake of social media as in this era if you don’t verbalise or show your capabilities, then you are considered not to have them at all and those who are ept at showing off, become successful, though they might have half of your capabilities.
The point is.. I was always more or less similar..Not much has changed.. Neither my nature, nor my strength.. It’s just that those who have started to know different sides of me or my deeper layers, they think that I have changed a lot; they actually never knew me. Really.. Never..
Strangest thing about me: I do the things, I hate to do, the most. This one I still cannot understand why. Sooner or later, I end up doing things that I really hate.
Strongest point about me: I really, and by this I mean REALLY, I don’t give a fuck about who thinks what about me.
Weakest point about me: I won’t actualise something until I have done it to perfection, exactly the way I visualised it, and even after reaching that point I keep polishing it so that it can reach a point to my utmost satisfaction.
The best thing I find about my life: No matter how filthy situations, events or people I deal with, my bounce back game is strong AF, stronger than many, and I don’t mean it by the show off part, I mean it about things considered valuable.
(Originally posted on 28th Dec, 2020)
And if we can make it together,
What’s making the gap so wide?
(28th dec,2020)
As much as I am trying to liberate my mind,
I am still locking the truths of my heart.
(16th Oct, 2020)
I tried to switch off intuition
and now I am all perplexed,
I do feel the things in a certain way
trying to grasp the ‘why’s of everything,
Even while moving through the ruffled waters
I know where I am going
my intuition guides me my lane,
Now when I have switched it off I am feeling so low,
Feeling things, not vibes, in a confused way,
I don’t know what’s going where, like I am driving myself insane.
I think I turned against the nature,
Putting off something that makes the basic me,
That’s why the nature is punishing me,
The need is not to not feel things I am getting this now,
The need is to feel and be guided by my intuition and still be rational somehow.
(First published on 9th Jan, 2020)
Do you have strange attractions or obsessions for certain things/objects??
I have a few of them apart from the water bodies, mountains, sky and nature in general. Here is the list,
1. Different kinds of money notes- From Rupee one to any amount of any currency, I feel like having all kinds of notes.
2. Buttons– I just love fancy buttons; colourful, sparkling, glittery, smooth, coarse (I mean different textures). The more diverse, the better.
3. Gems, Crystals and stones- Almost all kinds of gems; more than that crystals and crystal crockery is love. Stones generally which can be found on the river bank or sea shore, having different textures and colours. Transparent ones are the most attractive. I don’t like sea-shells though (eewwww, why would you carry a part of an animal with you??).
4. Sparkles– The stationery glitters and sparkles. I guess many people love that.
5. Colours– Not on anything but powdered colours, as simple as that. The more diverse, the more brightly hued, the better.
6. Flowers and herbs– All kinds of flowers are lovely, red roses are my most favourite though. I want to have my own botanical garden having a varied amount of herbs and flowers in it.
7. Stationery products– Honestly, it’s hard to stop myself from buying a stationery product whenever I go to the market or anybody from my family goes to the market. How can I not like a beautiful eraser, pen, pencil or notebook?? I have had a lot of notebooks and I still have this obssession of using a new one for writing something new.
8. Schedulers– I love to manage time and I love to have a few different kinds of schedulers for all of my activities. They range from exercise and food to work and study, in terms of days,calculating everything in terms of hours,days, weeks n months. I am literally obssessed with planning, organising and managing time and energy.
9. Lights– Be them colourful or white, I just love lights and lighting instruments, from simplest ones like a lamp made of mud to the fanciest ones like a big chandelier full of crystals.
Couldn’t think of other obssessions yet.
Oh yeah..Obssessed with my partner, in case I have one. 😜
(First published on 15th June, 2020)
Let’s do something that may leave me speechless,
And you wanting for more.
(First published on 1st Aug, 2020)
My sense of independence is my biggest fetter
I rebel where most people won’t
And cooperate where most people don’t
Because I want something different
Different from what they know n what they are used to
I want something unexplored
Where they will never let me go n do what I intend to do
So I stay away
Pushing everyone away
Because I want to breath, think, feel and do everything freely
As you can’t control air
And if you do it turns into a storm
I do the same
And break every chain to stay free
But my sense of freedom fetters me
It doesn’t let me come close to anyone
Bcz I don’t want to be controlled with their judgements
I just want to live n love freely.
(First published on 25th aug, 2020)
Some people always try to bring out the worst in you, so that they can look better than you. They copy your style to provoke you till you burst out with anger to react. Those people do not have originality in them, so they just try to copy you, even your way of putting posts on social media, your symmetry, your pattern, because they themselves are not that creative or organised, and when you point out at that, then they make you look like a hater. No matter how calmly and cool-headedly you try to deal with those people, they won’t stop their stupidity and xerox mediocrity.
“SJ, For F sake, stop copying my style and patterns.”
I Think For All 