Heart and mind talking to you..

When you get a classy, sassy, loving yet a bit bad assy, with a lot of sexual appeal n fantasies, mind deep enough to drown you, and soul dope AF, trying to give you everything material and abstract, love, attention, affection, assurance, trust, friendship, loyalty, encouragement, empowerment and a secure future….

And you still want to stumble upon literally anyone willing to provide you not even half and sometimes nothing…

What should I take it as?? A SIGN??

Should I look for some temporary pleasure??

Let me tell you, my love is unconditional but access to me cannot be. I find it insulting and confusing when I express my true feelings and intentions to you, you tend to run away, and when I try to move you, you come back and try to chase, still not knowing what you want..

Try something different this time. Let me handle you this time my way. Try to let me be vulnerable with you. Try to calm down into the peace of your soul. Try to just stay.

I mean to share my life with you. I mean to grow with you. You can have your space. I also need my own. You can grow individually, we can grow together. You will never lose your realness with me, I promise, I never intend to control. Two completely free souls connected treading towards something beautiful, rising in every sphere of life rapidly and with breaks in between, that’s what I want with you.. I know you are a freedom lover.. So I am.. I know how exhausting it is to be controlled by anyone in any way and you hate it honestly.. But there are many things that I can’t write here, they are too personal to share openly. So, I just want you to open up your own heart towards it and then see what we can be.

(Published on 5th March, 2021)

Reminiscing my nature.

I can’t even explain how I think. Many live in and for experiences. I really don’t seek them. I don’t seek events to make memories about them. I don’t think that we are what we create or some experiences can create us (ok particularly me here). How I take experiences is purely the mental stimulators or catalysts for different thinking. As far as I remember nothing has changed me much. Those who know me now or at whatever period of time they might have known me may think that I have changed a lot. But that’s not true. They have only seen my behaviour for a short period of time n for a few events or so on but my basic nature has always been like this only.

I was always quiet in front of the outsiders (school, college, relatives functions, strangers etc.) and quiet in my own home maybe for eternity.. but.. whenever I wanted to socialise I was one hella fun person. I was always the one who organised family functions to the T (not the labour part, ok). I was always sporty whenever anyone came to the house (n got comfy in the family) to play a game or two. I made jokes whenever I observed something laugh-worthy in the surroundings. I was analysing situations, people’s behaviour and dynamics of different kinds right from my very childhood (like since the age of 6-7 years old). I always observed a lot. Like really.. I can very confidently say that I filter about 95-98% of things that I observe just because I find them quite useless including people who think that they can always sneak, tresspass, abuse n escape.. “Nope ! You didn’t. I did let you because you are not important at all.” If you think that I have become angrier, that too, is in my nature by birth, though the outlets have changed. I used to store it all or tended to flush off that energy by playing cricket for two hours daily in the evening (though with my brother n father only). It was really a good release of energy then. Now I feel like not storing any shit in my mind n release it all through words. If we talk about confidence. I always had a very good amount of self-confidence but I was always quiet about it because I was getting regular recognition about my capability through professors n results etc. Now I have to show it in other ways because of the wake of social media as in this era if you don’t verbalise or show your capabilities, then you are considered not to have them at all and those who are ept at showing off, become successful, though they might have half of your capabilities.

The point is.. I was always more or less similar..Not much has changed.. Neither my nature, nor my strength.. It’s just that those who have started to know different sides of me or my deeper layers, they think that I have changed a lot; they actually never knew me. Really.. Never..

Strangest thing about me: I do the things, I hate to do, the most. This one I still cannot understand why. Sooner or later, I end up doing things that I really hate.

Strongest point about me: I really, and by this I mean REALLY, I don’t give a fuck about who thinks what about me.

Weakest point about me: I won’t actualise something until I have done it to perfection, exactly the way I visualised it, and even after reaching that point I keep polishing it so that it can reach a point to my utmost satisfaction.

The best thing I find about my life: No matter how filthy situations, events or people I deal with, my bounce back game is strong AF, stronger than many, and I don’t mean it by the show off part, I mean it about things considered valuable.

(Originally posted on 28th Dec, 2020)

Interception for self..

When your heart shatters into a zillion pieces,

When it still doesn’t make any noise to the outside world,

When you can’t hear your own screams,

When you silently own every single broken piece in your existence’s hold,

Know that there will be someone who will make it easy for you;

Someone will make easy the love for you,

The love you give and their love for you,

Someone will make the life easy for you,

The way you want to live it,

doing the things you love to do,

Someone will make it easy for you to smile,

The real unfiltered blooming out of innate happiness they give to you,

And until you meet that special someone

Cherish everything that you are

Find depth in your hollowed heart

Find solace in your solitude

Find heights increasing in your strength

For living alone this way is truly an art.

(First published on 17th jan, 2021 on my other website http://www.yourchoicestlifestyle.com )

Calming simplicity. ❤

Just feeling like

going to a farm-house,

surround myself with at least 10 puppies,

sip on a cup of coffee,

While reading a book

under the shade of a spring tree

And if I may imagine a bit more

The love of my life will be holding me in his lap

While in between kissing me

Together us

Feeling the bliss

From all the hustle-bustle of city life

For at least a few days, completely free.

(Originally posted on 4th March, 2021)

Wandering and wondering in darkness..

Is it only me or is there anyone else who just start imagining sexual scenarios wherever there is darkness on the road??

In the dim lights gleaming from far away

Like the twinkling starlit night on the ground

I commence imagining scenarios ecstatic

By my side only you to be found,

And once a while

Stopping by the side of a lane

Giving in to, for a split second, our feelings insane

I urge your closeness closer than ever

Our nerves thumping with the rush of lust and love

Like we tasted each-other before this never

The moments of bliss like serendipity then follow

We fill our one soul so profound

Leaving nothing in us that is left hollow.

(First published on 28th feb, 21)

My kind of man..💜

The kind of man who looks like he is gonna eat you up whole in one go but behaves like he is gonna respect you for the rest of your life…..

(17th dec, 2020)

LOSER INSECURE BITCH (TJ)

5th feb,22- Some people never grow up. They stalk me, be in their onesie competition, and always think I am stalking them, whereas I literally do not give a shit. Her husband sending me hearts in comments on my blogs n stalking my fb, insta n website till date. And the whole group of dumbfucks still thinking that whatever I write or do is about AT. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?? GET A LIFE !!

24th march, 21-I literally never called her a BITCH before this, but it’s true that she is a Goddamned INSECURE BITCH who keeps on competing with me sneakily as well as openly just because her BoyFriend doesn’t like her that much and keeps on coming towards me from time to time.

“BITCH, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT TO YOU and I didn’t get close to him TO SAVE YOUR UNWORTHY RELATIONSHIP. If you two are really about to get married that you said last year’s feb, why are you so fucking insecure about yourself and your relationship that you always have to keep an eye over what I do, and then Compare just to have some ATTENTION??

Have some self-respect ! Either leave him completely, so that he can go to whom he actually wants, OR STOP YOUR LOW STANDARD INSECURE SHIT.

I have seen very few LOSERS LIKE YOU, saying this very disrespectfully, who keeps one man in loop in a committed relationship, flirts with another one by being sympathy-seeker, and tries to get praise and attention from other in whom someone (I) got interested, being highly envious of me.

Stop keeping an eye on and trying to get validation from everyone who is related to me just because you are AN INSECURE BITCH !!”

Wear Your Confidence-Digital Art

Now she wears her confidence with style,

The part of her making a statement

that was hiding behind their opinions for years

with an unnatural smile- Preet

This is the digital painting that I had created more than a week ago. I am intending to sell my digital artwork, the details of which I will complete when my money transaction formalities will be complete (I guess it will take some more time). Till then I want to know from you what amount will be suitable to ask for this piece of art. I just want to get an idea from the viewers and reader, of what worth this kind of artwork is in terms of money (any currency). If you don’t want to guess or write about that, that’s perfectly fine. But your feedback is valuable as always 🙂

(Note: This digital artwork and words are copyrighted work of the author. Please do not copy or download the same without explicit consent and don’t forget to mention my website in case you decide to share the post. Thank you. ❤)

(First published on 4th july, 2021)

Bound in liberation.

A sigh of relief left my lips

When your lips suckled on my neck

Was it a moment of liberation

Or was it a moment of being bound

I kept on thinking

But found the answer in feelings.

(First published on 4th Aug, 2020)

Loads in depression.

Sometimes, your biggest achievement is to talk while you have no mental energy to even speak a word,

do all of your works of the day while you have no physical energy either,

And to smile when all you feel is emptiness,

To have hope while all you want is to scream and cry out loud not knowing what to do about what’s bothering you.

(Originally posted on 12th june,2020, when I was in severe depression)