Something constant.

I don’t need reasons to be happy, I need reasons to be sad or depressed and I never go on looking for those reasons. That’s why I avoid most people. I am a happy, productive and entertaining person basically but outside energy always (and I really mean ALWAYS) becomes a block or a shadow over my positive n optimistic personality, and then I cannot get rid of it for weeks or months. I have traumas that I still haven’t talked about to a single person on earth (literally nobody even if a few of you know many of my secrets, still there are some things I never tell anyone; neither family, nor bestest of friends in the past nor even a therapist) but I know really well how to give it my all to my future rather than sulking in the past. Attachments happen but I can easily get rid of it, basically being a detached person. Failures happen but I usually have 2-3 more plans after that. My life flows generally as I expect it to. But outside energy always happens to be a block or a shadow over my positives. If I keep any person away, he/she has directly or indirectly added blocks in my life. Why would anyone think that I’d like to invite the same kind of energy in my life again??? I really am not interested in Jumping in the mud or letting people throw it at me and then waste my time n energy in cleaning myself of it whereas the best option always is to look at it, ignore and avoid it and move forward. I don’t know how other people’s mind work, but if they don’t get this basic thing, then it’s completely their problem. I want to keep somebody close who can be equally positive, clear-minded and productive, provided I have not seen the otherwise in them in the past, although everybody can change into the former kind but probability is uncertain to me, and I avoid uncertainty now. I don’t want somebody to give me anything or to add anything to my life, be it happiness or love or anything materialistic. I just want AN EQUAL who knows how to take care of himself, can be happy on his own, manage well his possessions, be productive most of the time, love by heart n soul, has got rid of his past traumas or wounds and related defence mechanisms (although more or less those defences always stay there but it can be dealt with sensibly) and is very clear about what he wants from me, from himself, his career n life in general, so that we can thrive together rather than any of us being a burden on the other. PURE PARTNERSHIP, NEITHER OWNERSHIP NOR PARENT-CHILD DYNAMIC.

(Written and first published on 9th October, 2020)

Do not contain your power !

The worst thing you will do to yourself is to contain your power to soothe other people’s ego. Let them be petty. Let them be miserable. Let them be the complainant. Let them be foolish. Let them be toxic dramatic. Let them be the high-handed in their own world. You can kick their asses without even touching them, just by being yourself, and just by doing you with your whole energy speaking for you. You may think that those you love or loved will appreciate how much you shrink yourself to balm their insecurity and inferiority complexes, but they will not appreciate it. Some of them will say that they never asked you to do so. Some will blame you saying that you could choose different or better. The blame in the end goes to you. Some will say that you did not do enough for them, no matter how tough you were living for them, or they wanted different. How much can you shrink yourself for such thankless petty people?? Why would not you choose yourself rather than those ugly souls?? Hear me clear ! It’s okay to hurt people and be unkind to them if they expect you to contain yourself in a little box, frustrating yourself with all that energy wanting to expand yet trying to explode you in that little space. You do not deserve to explode when you are meant to expand, and trust me, you can expand beyond your own expectations, specially when people around you do not want you to see your worth.

I am freaking powerful and I love it.-Preet

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(Published on 30th june,21)

Quotes (for you)..

21 things you probably couldn’t know from my ex.

Things my ex might have never told you:

1. I parallel park the car well.

2. He was not sapiosexual. He actually once said that he did not want this much intelligent girl like me for marriage.

3. I am quite spontaneous when it comes to dates. Wherever you want to go, I am ready to go there even in the middle of a cozy date.

4. I stay anxious for the first 5-10 minutes no matter how many times I have met you or how much comfortable I am with you.

5. I never told him ‘I love you’ in real, or say, face to face. [I have actually never said these words to any single person in real. Just couldn’t.]

6. Non-consensual foreplay doesn’t mean sex. Yup, I never did it. Doing only this much n this way was his definition of sex, not mine, it’s not even considered so generally. And yes, I didn’t even want to do that n he knew it. It was a mistake n there were deeper emotional reasons behind it related to someone else. I was not in love with my ex. I had moved on long before that.

7. I pay equally on dates.

8. I love to give gifts on special occasions.

9. I am too good at pampering my partner. (Sadly, which never got reciprocated).

10. I am a really (and I mean REALLY) good kisser.

11. His friends liked me. My friends never liked him.

12. He used to get more nervous than me while meeting me.

13. He could barely look into my eyes, seriously, never more than 2 seconds. I could see deception in his eyes easily sometimes. AND it was hella irritating to me when he couldn’t talk by maintaining eye contact for even a few seconds. It always hampered communication between us as I cannot talk without looking into someone’s eyes.

14. He was never loving or affectionate towards me. It was only one sided.

15. I tried to make him feel accountable for his wrongs n fought more than I did with anyone else.

16. He wanted to have sex with me, so that I could not be with someone, I fell in love with, after him. He knew about it. I had told him clearly about it. He just wanted to stay as the only one in my life even after treating me like the most worthless person of his life.

17. There was no love for him from my side after I told him that I had moved on (about 4 years ago).

18. We started off being good friends. And he ditched me even as a friend in the first 3 months of friendship only.

19. I am intimidating as fuck in real when I confront someone.

20. He had a lot of inferiority complexes soothing which I downplayed myself a lot and ended up boosting his ego a lot. He always underestimated my capabilities, I over-estimated many of his.

21. He was lowkey proud that I loved him and still made me feel worthless. PSYCHOPATH.

The point of sharing this is that if somebody’s ex tells you shit, you should confirm all that from that person unhesitantly. Why do you think that somebody becomes an Ex if they know someone really well n never lied??