Pink loves blues,
Am I talking about emotion
or only hues??
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First published on 12th july, 2021.
Religious ceremonies are strange. They celebrate the death of a really old one (+80 years) like that person’s long life didn’t matter enough, and mourn the death of a kid the most like he had given a lot to them. And calling it the first death anniversary after 11 months of someone’s death really goes above my head.. Why eleven months here when we don’t celebrate someone’s first birthday after 11 months of birth??
People be like- It’s been an year since she is gone.
I am like- No..Not really.. How can you adjust one whole month into it??
According to me, exact dates have special significance, be it of birth or death or anything else, and one cannot just percieve an event to have happened one month earlier than it actually happened, if that event is really important to someone.
Another thing..Why people wear dull clothes on someone’s death?? I mean, it feels like a mandatory rule and if you do not abide by it, you are a socially unacceptable weirdo culprit. I wonder, do people really go for shopping keeping in mind that somebody is about to die or purchase clothes for that particular purpose?? I cannot have that much negativity in my mind while buying clothes. Moreover, it’s more about what one feels in the soul, the grief and mourning, than what one is capable of faking on that particular occasion or day. Loss of a life is a lifetime grief and missing that one on many occassions rather than a 13 days, one month or 11 months process that you follow by rules and then forget that person like they never existed.
All in all, social norms are really strange to me. They are usually followed strictly by those who do not know themselves, their own feelings and are not in touch with their soul, and maybe, not really in touch even with someone they lost.
My maths class was about to get over. It was raining heavily. I missed getting myself marked present in class. I went to staff room and requested the professor that I was solving a maths problem, so just missed my roll call. Professor was adamant at not marking me ‘present’ at first but finally marked so.
I was enjoying watching the rain, pouring down heavily thumping at the ground, from the corridors of the first floor. He was not present today. I don’t know why but it was a disappointment. I usually love it when he is present the days I come to school as then I get to see him. Anyway, it’s okay, I thought. I untied my hair as it was the last period of the entire session and it was, in a way, quite relieving. I was reminiscing the good times I spent in the place and planning on how to study for the final exams. Nothing was wrong but something was missing, really missing. There was quiteness in the corridor as most of my fellow students had left. I didn’t realise that I was standing there for about fifteen minutes by now. Then, came a classmate to me in a hurry and said “come with me downstairs, he is waiting for you”. It was perplexing at first as I was not used to this kind of behaviour in school. I never hurried before this. But this time, it didn’t feel wrong, infact, it felt like something was so right. I didn’t even ask him who he was talking about, I just ran with that fellow to go downstairs. And then, there he was..yes, it was him ! for whom my my eyes n soul were searching.
…..After this what happened, I really don’t want to even write. It was everything I could wish for…..
My problem is that I may tell you that I love you and then would like to stay alone but when I would like to be with you I won’t even say a thing.
Some people cannot handle good emotions at first and I am one of them. It’s because they never or barely got to experience love. So, it feels over-whelming when they get to experience it.
Things my ex might have never told you:
1. I parallel park the car well.
2. He was not sapiosexual. He actually once said that he did not want this much intelligent girl like me for marriage.
3. I am quite spontaneous when it comes to dates. Wherever you want to go, I am ready to go there even in the middle of a cozy date.
4. I stay anxious for the first 5-10 minutes no matter how many times I have met you or how much comfortable I am with you.
5. I never told him ‘I love you’ in real, or say, face to face. [I have actually never said these words to any single person in real. Just couldn’t.]
6. Non-consensual foreplay doesn’t mean sex. Yup, I never did it. Doing only this much n this way was his definition of sex, not mine, it’s not even considered so generally. And yes, I didn’t even want to do that n he knew it. It was a mistake n there were deeper emotional reasons behind it related to someone else. I was not in love with my ex. I had moved on long before that.
7. I pay equally on dates.
8. I love to give gifts on special occasions.
9. I am too good at pampering my partner. (Sadly, which never got reciprocated).
10. I am a really (and I mean REALLY) good kisser.
11. His friends liked me. My friends never liked him.
12. He used to get more nervous than me while meeting me.
13. He could barely look into my eyes, seriously, never more than 2 seconds. I could see deception in his eyes easily sometimes. AND it was hella irritating to me when he couldn’t talk by maintaining eye contact for even a few seconds. It always hampered communication between us as I cannot talk without looking into someone’s eyes.
14. He was never loving or affectionate towards me. It was only one sided.
15. I tried to make him feel accountable for his wrongs n fought more than I did with anyone else.
16. He wanted to have sex with me, so that I could not be with someone, I fell in love with, after him. He knew about it. I had told him clearly about it. He just wanted to stay as the only one in my life even after treating me like the most worthless person of his life.
17. There was no love for him from my side after I told him that I had moved on (about 4 years ago).
18. We started off being good friends. And he ditched me even as a friend in the first 3 months of friendship only.
19. I am intimidating as fuck in real when I confront someone.
20. He had a lot of inferiority complexes soothing which I downplayed myself a lot and ended up boosting his ego a lot. He always underestimated my capabilities, I over-estimated many of his.
21. He was lowkey proud that I loved him and still made me feel worthless. PSYCHOPATH.
The point of sharing this is that if somebody’s ex tells you shit, you should confirm all that from that person unhesitantly. Why do you think that somebody becomes an Ex if they know someone really well n never lied??
I Think For All 