Irony with A.

When you hate all the ‘A’s Except One,

And all those psycho ‘A’s think that you love them

Except whom you actually do

that Only One.

Heights of anxiety-Part 1

When in a video, they cut the centrally chocolate filled volcano cake on a small plate and the chocolate just reaches the edge of the plate,

Do they have any idea how much anxious it makes one feel??

*irresponsible behaviour*

Tactic of Triangulation used by narcissist.

“And now begins the game of Triangulation.”

I was wrong to call a pure narcissist a toxic empath when I can see clearly all the aspects of narcissism in the same person. Triangulation means comparing two people in which the one who is praised is used by the narcissist to demean the other person when that ‘other person’ does not adhere to the stupidity, toxicity and malicious behaviour or demands of the narcissist. This is done to lower the self-confidence of one of two people compared. You will mostly see a narcissist jumping from one person to another, praising highly one person one day and when that same person gets to know about the narcissist’s malice and call out about it or expose that behaviour, then that person is met with the Tactic of Triangulation.

Healing is not easy..

Healing is not easy, moving on is not easy. Your feelings can hit you anytime like a bull hitting you with his horns all out of a sudden. You feel drained again. You feel like fainting, like life should not exist anymore. You don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t even feel like thinking about it anymore but you realize a void suddenly. But it’s okay. You have gone through it before. You can pass through it once again. No darkness can exist for long when you have the capability to shine from within. Just like plants take time to grow, self-love requires time to heal those wounds; you have sown the seeds and are watering them daily, that’s enough for now. You don’t need to see the results right away. You just have to keep going, staying strong.

DEMANDING TIME

And if I say one more time

I need some time

I feel I will lose you again

So I wear a smile

Not having a word to say

I can’t make you wait

I can’t get you now

I can’t let you go

I can’t make you stay

So just a smile I can give away.

I know there are many who want you

And I can’t do anything

Even if I stay

I think you will go away.

When I think of you

I remember the past

when I was helpless

the way I am now

I can’t even say

what I have in my mind,

Just want to win upon demons in my own mind.

Depressed soul like me is not meant for you,

I am trying to give upon my dark side

my shadow side.

If that love even begin

I want it to stay forever,

I can’t handle anymore

the repetition of the past ever.

Just in case I will have to lie,

I will just use a smile,

For what’s going on in my mind

I need to keep it to myself for a while,

For I know that you will help

And I don’t want to feel like a burden

I want to be happy,

Though not all out of a sudden.

Sometimes, I think I complicate things,

But then feel that I am just simplifying,

Though I know I am very strong

But half of me is dying.

This on and off is ripping me apart,

I don’t know what to say what time,

I feel the pull with a certainty,

The push also has a message sublime.

This feeling makes me so anxious,

How do I put my sanity at stake again,

I don’t want to feel like a burden,

I want to meet when on my own

I’ll be happy again.

REMEMBER YOUR STANDARDS

When you pick yourself up

also remember to lose everyone who can bring you down,

You have seen good in people more than they deserved,

You have seen bad in life more than you deserved,

Maybe you have to learn how to make people meet at your own level

although doing it by being rudely stern,

Maybe the standards you have created about your own behaviour

is all they have to see and learn.

WHAT TRANSFORMATION FEELS LIKE??

Do you ever feel like you have totally changed?? Like something died inside of you and something else is being born. You feel so weak for months and then day by day you start realizing that you have grown stronger than ever. You can bear a lot but at the same time you won’t allow anyone to hurt you, deceive you, betray you or make a fool out of you. You still have those good values that believe in humanity, brotherhood, integrity, etc. but you have become so dignified that almost nobody can shake you?? You don’t feel needy anymore. You don’t crave anything anymore. You don’t have care about what bad intentions anyone can have towards you. You just don’t care. You don’t care about who is thinking what about you, who is misunderstanding what about you, who is trying to figure you out, who is trying to mislead you, who is trying to guide you in the right direction, who is leaving you, who is trying to tarnish your image; you simply don’t care about anything. Literally about nothing and nobody. You don’t know where you are going but still in your heart and soul you can feel that you are going somewhere very beautiful; towards a very peaceful, successful and love-filled future. Something that feels very powerful, very transformative. You start crying out of nowhere, your body shakes and shivers out of nothing, you feel empty, you feel all the emotions at the same time, anxiety kicks you so hard, your heart keeps breaking over and over again, you feel mentally disturbed a lot, you feel like nothing is working and then when you really hit the rock bottom and feel like you have lost everything like your life has ended, it has no meaning, you are useless, you don’t know what to do, you have your plans but still you don’t work for them, you start remembering all of your traumas and count all of your failures and remember all the lives you have lost in your life, and then suddenly you go silent, completely silent. That silence guides you. It makes you flow with the universe. It works as a form of surrender. But then you begin to send affirmations to the universe about what you want, how you want it, and exactly at what time you are going to get it. And, it starts happening. You suddenly begin to work on yourself. You don’t even care if you are depressed, happy, angry, sad or whatever, you just don’t care. You become so strong mentally that you begin to think that whatever will happen I will handle it.

You are born to learn a few lessons at different points in your lifetime, thus you may go through all this every single time. The stronger and older your soul, the harder your lessons will be.

WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE CONTROLLING?

CONTROL ISSUES.. Something most of the people don’t understand in the real sense. You may think that somebody is trying to control you, physically or psychologically, but in reality the people trying to have a control over others have no control over their own life.

Always observe who is trying to control his/her own behaviour and who is trying to control that of others. Reasons can range from very innocent to malignant in the mind of that person(s) and it is highly likely that they don’t have any idea why they have such issues. Most probably they feel lost in their own world and feel like everything is falling apart, so they try to settle everything and everyone around them, apart from their own self. It might also become a kind of addiction of being ‘a helper’ because subconsciously they need to divert their mind from their own world, family, friends, love, career etc. There is indeed something really misplaced in their life, that’s why they think that they are doing the right thing by fixing others. People with least self-control or least control over their own life have a tendency to control others and situations related to others the most.

I am saying this out of my own experience and as an observer. I had this kind of addiction for a few years which ended about 4-5 years ago. And now I have observed the same in a few people.

So, what you can do when you observe ‘a fixer’ in your life??

1. ASK THEM QUESTIONS-Ask them if they themselves are okay? We project our inner world on the outside world and if somebody is finding a problem in us, it most probably is a problem they could not find out in themselves. Eg. (A) “I think you are in pain.” “No, I am not.” Here the first one himself/herself might be in psychological pain. (B) “Nobody understands you.” “I don’t even care.” Here, the first one feels like nobody understands them. Ask them questions or reply very subtly but directly and in a non-attacking form. Only ‘are you okay?’ can be sufficient sometimes but not always. Others can be “I am finding this in you actually. Is it true?” But do it (ask) only if you have ample time to listen to the answers because insufficient attention or interest taken may make them feel like either you are doing them a favour or are just trying to use them to pass your time.

2. CHOOSE UNDERSTANDING– If they are unwilling to tell you anything, then understand that they either don’t trust you with their delicate information or they simply don’t want to touch upon a subject. Do not push things further even in the other direction like trying to act like everything is fine on their side just because they have not told you anything. Here, just saying “I am all ears to listen to your story if you want to tell anything anytime” can also work pretty fine but say “anytime” only if you can be available to them like that, otherwise describe a specific time like “I am free at ____am/pm, just in case you want to talk” or anything like that will work.

3. READ THE CUES BUT DON’T OVERLY ANALYZE THEM- You might be surprised to know that sometimes we begin to over-analyze everything way too much. The one who seems to be controlling us or a situation in our life is actually trying to learn what would work for him/her in such a situation. The solution finders are learners and vice-versa. But if they seem to interfere a lot directly or indirectly, you can straight up tell them about it, but do it politely. Mostly we become so afraid of being controlled that we tend to be over-critical of others who even try to help us because we think that we don’t need help and end up controlling them rather. That’s why you need to be aware of the ones trying to control others, it might be possible that they themselves are afraid of being controlled. The helper needs help. But remember that primarily you have to take their words at their face value because you cannot press upon them to reveal anything. Respect privacy.

I could not think of other measures at the moment. Suggestions will be most welcome. THANKS. 🙂

WHY THE GOOD ONES ALWAYS LEAVE

Now I understand why the good ones always leave.

Because their efforts are never matched; if ever they do, it’s scarce.

Because they put so much of good intentions for the other that they feel the void of having left with no energy for themselves.

Because they put up with so many discriminatory situations of which the other person wouldn’t put up with even the half.

Because they get so frustrated of ignorance and abandonment that they start doubting their own existence or worth.

Because they get so tired of giving that they are left with nothing to give anymore.

So, in the end, they leave, completely exhausted.

How people see an intuitive person and what the reality is.

I am intuitive.” What does it mean when anybody says that they are intuitive? Many people assume that if somebody is intuitive naturally or psychic (though psychic is a different topic), then he/she must be knowing everything that is going on. No ! That’s far from the truth.

Strong intuition does not mean a movie playing in the back of one’s mind. If one says that it happens like this, then it probably is delusion. Strong intuition actually works like a Needle Poking in One’s Gut or A Thunder Hitting One’s Mind, that too very randomly. Most of the times, say 80-90% of the times, that person has no idea what’s going on around him/her, unless he/she is an empath also; because empaths can catch vibes pretty easily.

The moment somebody says that he/she is intuitive, some people (mostly the sensory types from the Myers-briggs personality typology) begin to test that person if he/she can get what they are doing. Here, I want to clear again that an intuitive person really doesn’t know what other people are doing unless those people have that person’s attention all the time or that one is in connection with oneself for a very long period of time or is connected to the universe intensely and deeply.

Those testing people give the intuitive person both good and bad vibes to see his/her reaction but they do not get that one can choose to react or not to react even though that person has got to know about something. Sometimes, when that person chooses not to react, then they give subtle hints by using words’ terminology or gestures that they normally use and about which that person is generally well-acquainted with. They do it for reasons known to themselves only but it has nothing to do with their “connection” with that intuitive person because in reality they make it very obvious for that person to know who is doing what, and which any normal person can acknowledge with some general observational skills. Whereas, some people test that person by hiding their behaviour in the best possible ways they can, which involves using fake accounts, taking help of other people, fake phone calls, to name a few. Reasons for that kind of behaviour can be both-good or/and bad, which depends from person to person. But it happens. And, there is nothing good or playful or funny or helpful in doing that because it wastes a lot of energy and causes hell lot of anxiety, stress and frustration to the intuitive type (saying this from my personal experience). Thus, people should learn how to behave and where to draw the line, even good intentions can end up in bad results.

Thanks.