Nature Love 💚❤

I love the rainfall

And am more in love with the dew,

I love the fog

And am more in love with the snow falling new,

I love the full moon night

And am more in love with the sunset n sunrise’s breath-taking view,

I love red roses

And am more in love with flowers of every hue,

I love every tiny thing every big aspect of nature

Anything I don’t love in it, if any,

Are very few.

(Originally posted on 6th november,2020)

Adage of current unwillingness.

Parsimony on affection

Inattention to winsome love,

Bygone, a few years adieu,

We may carry the baggage

with memoirs of the lost time and youth

In which we could cherish the beauty of life

And conquer the world together

In unison, me and you.

(First published on 12th March, 2021)

Name him..

Do you like him??”

“Yeah..😍”

Who did I talk about?? 😉”

“Him 😍”

And yet, her friend couldn’t get to know who was ‘him’.

OFFENSIVE AND DRAINING NARCISSISTIC, INEFFICIENT AND TOXIC WOMAN.

I have Ideas, Stamina and Courage in Abundance,

But toxicity of a narcissistic crap drains me like nothing else and is intolerable.

(I had made the video of my digital artwork and had uploaded it on my youtube channel today morning, and one reels on instagram in the evening of a different artwork, THE IDEA which has been DIRECTLY COPIED by a Toxic Woman. You may think that I am complaining, and yes, I am, and it is because IDEAS ARE PRECIOUS. Ideas make patents and copyrights. MY IDEAS BEING STOLEN, that too, in ARTWORK, which is considered A Unique Area, is outrightly OFFENSIVE. That woman, Kritika, wants to Offend many of my Boundaries, that too, to annoy me and seem like a Better One Subliminally. But, ENCROACHING UPON MY IDEAS IS OUTRIGHTLY AN OFFENCE. I Could Use Filthy Words As Well But That Woman And Her Mind Is A PURE FILTH On Its Own, No Matter How Much She Fakes Her Behaviour, Her Disgusting Mentality Is Quite Obvious To Those Whose Boundaries She offends And To Those Who Can Observe Objectively.)

DIGITAL PAINTING VIDEO ON YOUTUBE

INSTAGRAM REELS LINK

These two are the proofs that I did it first and the ideas have been stolen somehow.

Adaptation.

Tired AF

I don’t care when I am ill

Mind on the go

Body needs to stay still

Urging to focus on the task

Resting feels like something to swallow the hardest pill.

(Originally Posted on 18th dec, 2020)

Expecting better.

Be a breathe of fresh air

Not the old rug stinking,

Be an open world full of love

Not a little globe forcing me for shrinking.

One love stays with you forever.

Some people really think that why I don’t move on or try with someone new.. There is a very very deep reason. I actually moved on. I thought that I’ll never think about him ever again. In those times I was just numb to feelings. I became really logical as well as triggered. I was not feeling like myself for months. It’s not that I never tried. But someone doesn’t get out of your mind n soul. It’s not even ego that is making me hold onto him. It’s something, just there, right from the times when I even didn’t know that I had any feeling for him in the first place. It is not going anywhere. What do I do?? A few people try to influence me against it through posts on pages. And seriously, it annoys me to the core.

I had tried to move from the last person (before him) by dating one person who was really good, caring, marriage material. I even got physical with my ex to move on from him. That time also I couldn’t because I was feeling passionately for that one.

But then, whom I love came to my life out of the blue. Honestly, I was keeping a good distance from him. I didn’t want to fall in love ever again. And even he wasn’t interested in making me feel anything like that. But with friendship and affection, I started feeling very close to him. I was constantly denying myself that it was getting deeper because I, somehow knew that I would hurt myself at some point if I would feel anything else that friendship and affection for him. But I was feeling something else.

And when we got physical, even then for a few days I was in denial mode. Seriously, I couldn’t handle how intensely we made those moments. They might not be too much for many others, including him. But it was a lot for me. But still I was denying myself about its depth for a few weeks. I didn’t get what.

But now when I have tried every single fucking thing to move on. I don’t get it what is the problem with people who are just into talking against it. Why can’t you see someone loving someone else truly. Yes, for now, it is in words only. But my words come out from the depths of my soul. It’s too difficult for me to accept my own feelings being highly rational generally, leave alone being expressive about them. If I am being expressive about my feelings, it is something even I still cannot describe in words. It is much more than that.

Now, what do I do?? Try with new people, faking it all, wasting mine and their time?? I think it would be too selfish to do. So, I usually avoid anyone who may have interest in me, because I know that I won’t be interested in them in that sense.

What do I do with what I am feeling in my heart and soul?? I am taking my time. I am not forcing anything. I just want him to feel what I feel, that too, not forcefully, but by being a little expressive. I think that when I am not doing anything out of ego or to get him. I am doing this because things got fucked up last time because I stifled my feelings that time. I waited a lot, even gave up, but it has come up again in me. It really means that it had never gone. I had just become numb to my own feelings, also because I had lost my bua, I was traumatised and could only get triggered and could stay hurt. I was not in touch with my soul, my ego was saving me. Now, I am in balance, and I really want to see it will go where and I am hoping for a beautiful outcome. I am taking my time and putting my energy only where I want to and need to. I really don’t need unsolicited advices, specially those that go against my inner voice.

I don’t know healthy relationship. I have never been in one. That is why I am working on myself, so that I can have a wholesome relationship with someone I truly love. I don’t want anything toxic in between us. I am working on my triggers. A few friends may as well have observed that I have changed my behaviour a lot compared to what it was before. I am not faking it. I am working on it.

Self-control..

Self-control so good that I may have love and lust for someone so much that I want to rip off his clothes and make the hottest love, and still won’t talk to that one.

Self-control so good that I will observe a few people’s stupidity for years and won’t say a thing.

Self-control so good that even if the hottest guy be dancing nude in front of me and I won’t be caught ever for getting physical with him, I still won’t do a single thing.

Self-control so good that I can buy a dress and not wear it for 7 years even for once.

Self-control so good that if I am on my desired strict diet, you may have a lavish feast in front of me for days and I won’t take a bite.

Animal lovers..Know the difference.. 😌

Always be kind to animals; they cannot talk about their needs to you..

But remember, not to be kind to human guised animals, who keep shitting on others, for their needs, and on you..

Learning to fly…..

You may as well,
To save yourself from drowning in marshy waters,
Want to learn to fly.
💞

(Originally posted on 6th jan,2021)