To my future partner

I want to love you in ways

That you have never been loved before

And that you have never imagined;

I assure you it will sustain forever,

Even in the littlest of hardships,

I won’t let you feel alone ever.

Commode.

I am in this habit

Of sitting in toilet for as long as it becomes unbearable the stink

So that I realize for how long I have been sitting on shit

And that it’s not the place to keep sitting on

Flush it off

Move out

The same in life be it.

What Are You Psychologically Projecting?

https://wp.me/p7bq2c-8fF

Kindly read it; you will get a lot of insight about your own behaviour. 🙂

Him and I, From a wolf tribe.

A lone wolf is my spirit’s drive,

Embracing my wilderness,

Claiming my authenticity,

Silent, calm and compost and scarcely seething angry,

Working all alone,

I am sure some day I will meet the one,

Honest, righteous and success hungry,

Whose frequency matches with my vibe,

I will meet the one from my own soul tribe.

Dark plans-1.

My mind works as an ultimate planner,

My deepest desire to die as young as possible

To get rid of that shit filled world

To get out of this worldly chaos

People inflitrating others’ life

just to give them a hit on the head or on their psyche a hold

I plan in my headspace to go on

An adventure to turn into a misadventure

Solo flying high for one last time

Not opening the parachute

And then deep in the ocean with the last dive,

Feeling my every breath leaving my body

Suffocating myself to my last breath of this suffocating life

Ending every kind of strife

Feels so good my ultimate plan to die.

Strange but a beautiful dream that felt so real.

It is one of those dreams, those vivid ones that I can feel in real and see or feel very clearly. I am feeling joy, excitement and awkwardness all at the same time sharing it here. I saw it between 4-5 am because I got up at 5 am. I see this kind of energetically real dreams very less but with more or less modification they come true or at least energetically whatever their significance or vibe is, it turns into reality.

Okay, so, coming to the dream real quick. I am in a different place than my native one, probably a village but that’s probably near delhi (I saw the dream with the same topic and same energetic vibe in delhi a few months ago also). I went to a gurudwara, probably Bangla Sahib, did a few general rituals related to prayers that are done in sikhism. In the next flash, I am with somebody with whom I got married without anyone’s knowledge and we are in a village (vibe was either of a village near delhi or somewhere in maharashtra or kerela, I cannot point out exactly because it was a vibe and I cannot explain this kind of dreams too well with surety but they feel so real) hiding from a group of people, probably the people from his side or against him (a group definitely related to him only and we are hiding because of our marriage). That group is not dangerous but we have to hide, I don’t know why, but probable reason is it’s an inter-religion marriage; and I have no idea what his religion is. We probably did court marriage. Now, we are lying closely together, snuggled, I told him, “I am afraid constantly that they will find us.” A bus arrives outside the room in which there are a few people. He says, “don’t worry even if they come, we are together. I have loved you since forever.” I am not lying I have waited for someone to say this to me whole of my life and I am listening to it from somebody who has already become mine (but under a fear?), that’s a beautifully strange feeling of both security and insecurity, pure love and eternal togetherness. Then one by one people have begun coming to us and who are they? First of all enters one of my aunts, with prasad (a religious offering) in her hands, brought from a far off religious place, and she gave both of us blessings and said, “finally, you both have gotten married. I cannot describe my happiness in words. Stay blessed. Stay happy. Stay together.” Okay, so maybe we had aquainted my family that we had gotten married and were staying at that place. Then came my another two aunts, one happy and another’s vibe I could not infer; and then entered one of my college friends from the law college, happy and congratulating me; one south indian hindu priest with a bowl of parsadam, which he hands over to me, and I eat it. I ask my husband where his portion was, to which the priest said that that it was for women only because of the particular ingredients, it is not suitable for men (I have no idea of ‘what and why’ about it because I have never heard of anything like that, I look at him with disbelief and little confusion in my mind about why did I eat it). Then one of my aunts tells me that she has informed his family also and they must be arriving soon. We both(him and I) look at each-other, with a look of anticipation about their reactions but I am sure that that group about which we are afraid is not his family, that’s some outsider group that is against our marriage whereas our families just did not know that we got married. Probably we are going to get married again according to rituals of both of our religions, in the presence of our families.

How and where the marriage happened, I could not see that. I could not even see his face. It was purely a feeling. I know that person, I am so sure that I know him but I don’t know yet who he is because I could not see his face, I could only feel him. You know that feeling when souls get so connected that the looks don’t matter anymore, that kind of feeling; but it was so real. I don’t even know if I have met that person or not, the vibe was just that- a known person, friend or stranger, I don’t know the face or whereabouts of him but I know him. And, by the time I got up, there was no fear of that particular group, just an aching need to know my future partner with whom I have gotten energetically eternally connected, and a beautiful feeling that it is going to be strange and messy in the beginning but our union will continue beautifully. And it is definitely going to be a love marriage.

Strange but a beautiful dream.

The peak of my coldness.

The peak of my coldness has reached a few times in my life for a few people. It is simply doing nothing with that person; giving not a single shit ! It means that even if that person dies in front of me, I won’t move a bit to save that person, I won’t get emotional, I won’t feel a single thing ; And those people have really earned that from me.