If my tears ever mattered,
You wouldn’t have let me cry,
If my smile ever mattered,
you would be here,
If my happiness ever mattered,
You wouldn’t have acted ignorant,
If I ever mattered,
You wouldn’t have left.
(Written in 2018 published on 6th sept, 2020)
This is one of a few quotes that really irritate me.
First of all, quotes are some statements made by different people based on their personal view-points, opinions, situations and life in general. Like one size does not fit all, one quotation cannot be true completely or suit all.
Secondly, quotations are mostly one-liners or a paragraph which are generally not backed up by an explanation on why they have been written, so, they create a lot of misunderstandings about their exact meaning. Like digit 6 can be read as 9 when inversed or when read by two people standing in opposite directions, the same goes with such quotations.
Thirdly, coming to this particular quotation, it is not even a quotation as such. It is just a line, from a novel which I am sure is beautifully written and, must have it’s backing in the novel itself. This quote actually refers to one’s potential in relationships. Here, the word ‘potential’ means how a person is thought to be behaving in the future by a person who has been seeking that first mentioned person as a partner considering his/her probable qualities to come to the fore in the expecting person’s view-point. It has not talked about the general potential of anybody as a person outside from the expectation of a relationship.
Fourthly, considering it even as an expected potential in a person about his/her qualities regarding relationship, it sounds a demeaning quote that says that one ‘has to date their reality’. Here, what if somebody does not even know one’s reality? What if one person’s own judgement is wrong about the outer world in general because of their internal biases? Be it in relationships or otherwise, if one person cannnot accept other’s flaws, then that person really does not deserve anyone to be with them when they themself show their own flaws. And, nobody is flawless.
Last but not the least, this line is actually meaning to reiterate to somebody that whom they like actually currently does not deserve them and that person should not let his/her good view-point about that person over-power what that person is actually showing them (which can actually be bad traits).
I get irritated with quotes because of their incapacity to make things clear due to lack of explanation, desire to create more of confusions, and still pressing them upon others as something of eternal value.
(1st March, 2020)
I cannot tell how much I feel the need to know new people, some good and lively energy. The people among whom you can set your own worth standards and they actually meet them; people with whom you can talk freely about anything and everything, and even silence feels very comfortable; people with whom you can roam around freely not having any hard and fast rule about what “kind” of place you like or not; people with whom you can go for meals in your night suit or maybe cook one together; people with whom you don’t feel judged for being completely yourself as weird, strange or awkward; people to whom your history doesn’t matter but those who still consider past and future and do not be fickle by staying only in the “now” or “in the moment”; people who know the meaning of real reciprocity, and do not only brag about what they do for you rather be acknowledging and thankful for what you do for them as well; people who love to learn and are curious to learn to love are my kind of people that I am so eagerly waiting for.
-25th July, 2020
Nothing is sexier to me than a man
Who can observe
And Wait
For the right woman to come in his life,
The one who doesn’t sell himself short
To anybody
The one who knows his worth
The one who can improve upon himself
While growing patiently spiritually
Till he meets somebody whom he can make his wife..
The kind of man who looks like he is gonna eat you up whole in one go but behaves like he is gonna respect you for the rest of your life…..
(17th dec, 2020)
Why don’t I only observe where the other person goes and just go with the flow??
1. I do observe. I have observed a lot more than anyone can imagine and by the time other people think that I need to start observing, I have already observed enough and even concluded what’s happening and what would happen. I am not only intuitive psychically, I observe patterns much better than that.
2. If I will only keep on observing, then I will give my power to the other person to take the decision for me.
3. When I have concluded something based on observation and intuition and I am still not taking action based on that, both of them will prove to be futile; and I will always take the right action based on my principles, not based on what other people try to show me on surface level. I am almost immune to manipulation of any kind.
4. I want to save the other person and myself from wasting time and energy and just want to come to the point and set things straight for the future. I am mostly future oriented.
5. I don’t like to go with the flow. Only dead fish go with the flow. And I think that the universe has created me like this for a reason, and the reason can be to create the flow for myself and others. If everyone will be indecisive and keep on thinking about going with the flow, then even the universe will lose its mind (😂) that nobody does anything on their own. If I can do something, why would I put it in other people’s hands?
(27th feb,2020)
The most sickening part is, after constant triangulation, he still comes back to me Begging me for some attention.
I want to give an advice to young women/girls who want to get married at some point in their life. Actually, there are many points that I want to discuss under this topic and you may also find many advices online as well as offline regarding marriage. But there is one point that I want to put some light on which is often ignored while considering a life partner.
If you are a woman who is ambitious, takes her own decisions, works her ass off, is a go-getter, and is a provider, in short, the one who has most of the qualities of an Alpha Female, you need to see the family structure of the man if you are interested in him for marriage or life partnership or relationship. I am saying this because I have seen this pattern a lot in society that when and if the females of the family in which a man has grown up, did not work in office, and were by nature-submissive, coy, and silent, that man is going to want the same from his life-partner sub-consciously. It doesn’t matter how much educated or modernised he became, the years (decades) of mental training he got from his family sub-consciously is not going to change even if he finds the otherwise for himself consciously. He would want you to be the same meek and coy woman. Your boundaries will be aggressive to him. Your desires and ambition will make him feel insecure and he would like to impose his dogmatic thinking upon you just like his family’s females were pressed upon and taught to abide by the thinking and orders of the men in his family. He cannot comprehend that you can Think and Do better than him. His insecurities will start acting up whenever you will point out at his flaws, even if done politely. He may even be envious of your work and power because he was conditioned in his psyche’s developmental stages that women are not the Alpha and are meant to be protected and guided only. He may point at your frankness as rudeness. For him, submissive silence is elegance and speaking your mind will be needed to be in a controlled manner according to his dictates.
There will be, most of the times, power struggle between you two because you are an Alpha female and he may feel powerless because of that, so he will try to over-power you to soothe his ill-conditioned mind, and then there might be fights, manipulation and even separation between you two.
What do you think-is it better not to engage with such a man or is it better to engage and then be forced to leave in the end?? Or you can be ultra-submissive just like his family’s females and give upon your own power and capabilities and ambition to soothe his fragile ego??
(PS: Don’t come here with your feminist or anti-feminist mentality regarding this post. It’s about a particular kind of a man. The propositions may be relative to patriarchy but I did not point out at that. This advice is solely for alpha females who also love with whole of their being, so, kindly, do not come with the contention that love is adjustment and all. Those are different topics. I intended to write exactly about a very small fraction of possibilities.)
Thank you for reading. 🙂
When an outsider tries to be more important than a family member, you should make it very clear with your words or actions that they don’t mean shit in comparison to your close family member, no matter what and how your bond is with that outsider. You should not make a family member feel abandoned or alienated ever, you may be the only one that they look forward to for support. Outsiders really should know their limits.
(Originally posted on 10th Jan,2021)
One thing people don’t get is how much I have changed..and how much my needs around a partner have changed.
If I ever said that I don’t care about looks of my partner, it has changed now. Looks matter a lot to me now. AND anybody wearing a Turban is a big NO. Don’t get offended by this. I have literally nothing against Sikhism. Actually, all the males in my family used to wear a Turban, So I never get attracted to anyone like that. It’s something in-built. It’s a straight turn-off, no matter how good looking, smart and intelligent that guy may be, it will never attract me in the sense of a partner. Plus, I want equally good-looking or at least a smart looking and a fit guy. I am working on my fitness. I look good. I want the same, plain and simple. Attraction is the first thing we need in a long-term partnership, and I would deceive myself and the other person if I would waste time in making anyone comfortable in thinking that I am interested in them or if anyone would try to impose himself on me whom I don’t find attractive. Moreover, I have a particular face type and shape that attracts me a lot. It’s mostly a very masculine type. Sooo, the feminine behaving and long hair types should stay away.
If I ever said that money doesn’t matter, it does now ! I want someone who has more or less equal amount on money in person, and/or regarding family. About 1/3 or 1/4 money can fluctuate being up or down from either side. FYI, my family is already millionaire according to US currency and euros, both. A few DUMBFUCKS who don’t have enough money always think that I am trying to find a millionaire bcz I am gold-digger whereas those dumbfucks are actually the real gold-diggers and I was just looking who actually had more or less similar amount of money. It is required because I want to enjoy my kind of lifestyle with my partner, rather than attracting a gold-digger who doesn’t know how to manage his money or his family business, whatsoever, and would always keep an eye over my money. I don’t want to deplete my sources, I want equal investment from both the sides in everything.
If I ever said that degrees and education does not matter, it matters now. To take one degree, one has to spend years of their life and a hell load of brain power, which, who do not possess them cannot understand. Those dumbfucks actually make joke of the degrees and education just because they themselves could not get them, because these things require more brain and least DRAMA. Believe it or not, formal education really enhances a lot of knowledge and skills. I don’t want any half learned person to be with me to whom I will have to teach the very elementary things that they should have learnt in school or in first degree college. I will frustrate the hell out of me if I would do so. It shows in people’s behaviour how well educated they are. Also, it shows the most when you hold a one-to-one conversation with them how highly educated they are. Many fail at even one good conversation. I don’t want to be with someone with whom I cannot even talk on my areas of interest i.e. law, psychology, science, geography and/or political science (remember political science, Not Politics. There is a big difference between the two). He may be educated in any stream but should be well-educated and well-qualified, otherwise, there is a big NO.
Apart from that I want a good family of in-laws who are not backward that they think that my would-be husband would be having an upper hand over me. I want a family that would treat us both more or less equally. I get that initially every family is cautious with a new member’s arrival in their family and cannot trust completely and it takes a lot of adjustments to reach a place of equality with their son for their daughter-in-law. But, there is a big difference between making adjustments and their decisions being pressed upon me all the time. I love my freedom. Compromises can be made but I will not give upon my basic nature ever.
Other things-behaviour, trust, love, and loyalty, I have talked about them a lot of the times.
Yeah, last but not the least, I want someone well-mannered and that who does not taunt underhandedly through his good manners. That shit really gets on my nerves when someone tries to sound smart but really is not. Good manners and straight talk will always beget the same from my side and I won’t settle for less than that. Elegance looks good on me, and I want the same from my partner, and not much diversion from that in both of our behaviour.
SUBSTANCE: I WANT SOMEONE MORE OR LESS JUST LIKE ME.
I Think For All 