My personal obsessions.

Do you have strange attractions or obsessions for certain things/objects??

I have a few of them apart from the water bodies, mountains, sky and nature in general. Here is the list,

1. Different kinds of money notes- From Rupee one to any amount of any currency, I feel like having all kinds of notes.

2. Buttons– I just love fancy buttons; colourful, sparkling, glittery, smooth, coarse (I mean different textures). The more diverse, the better.

3. Gems, Crystals and stones- Almost all kinds of gems; more than that crystals and crystal crockery is love. Stones generally which can be found on the river bank or sea shore, having different textures and colours. Transparent ones are the most attractive. I don’t like sea-shells though (eewwww, why would you carry a part of an animal with you??).

4. Sparkles– The stationery glitters and sparkles. I guess many people love that.

5. Colours– Not on anything but powdered colours, as simple as that. The more diverse, the more brightly hued, the better.

6. Flowers and herbs– All kinds of flowers are lovely, red roses are my most favourite though. I want to have my own botanical garden having a varied amount of herbs and flowers in it.

7. Stationery products– Honestly, it’s hard to stop myself from buying a stationery product whenever I go to the market or anybody from my family goes to the market. How can I not like a beautiful eraser, pen, pencil or notebook?? I have had a lot of notebooks and I still have this obssession of using a new one for writing something new.

8. Schedulers– I love to manage time and I love to have a few different kinds of schedulers for all of my activities. They range from exercise and food to work and study, in terms of days,calculating everything in terms of hours,days, weeks n months. I am literally obssessed with planning, organising and managing time and energy.

9. Lights– Be them colourful or white, I just love lights and lighting instruments, from simplest ones like a lamp made of mud to the fanciest ones like a big chandelier full of crystals.

Couldn’t think of other obssessions yet.

Oh yeah..Obssessed with my partner, in case I have one. 😜

Dark plans-1.

My mind works as an ultimate planner,

My deepest desire to die as young as possible

To get rid of that shit filled world

To get out of this worldly chaos

People inflitrating others’ life

just to give them a hit on the head or on their psyche a hold

I plan in my headspace to go on

An adventure to turn into a misadventure

Solo flying high for one last time

Not opening the parachute

And then deep in the ocean with the last dive,

Feeling my every breath leaving my body

Suffocating myself to my last breath of this suffocating life

Ending every kind of strife

Feels so good my ultimate plan to die.

To my Karma..🙏

Oh my darling Karma,

I have learnt my lessons really well,

If you are going to indulge me with the same old strife

Just to make the pending karma of others with me gel,

I request you to make them eat their own shit

I am sure they have of it a big deep well

Not interested in taking any friend guised foe in my life again,

Even if it’s written by you they have to pay for my pain,

Throw them far away

Don’t indulge them in my life again.

Why man..why? 😂

You become both happy and afraid even at the hint of me having any feeling for you or when you know I care..Should I laugh or get angry at that? Why so afraid?

And then I think, “Nevermind. Keep moving. This condition has no end or aid.”

Who cares?

You’d say you care,

I’d say I don’t,

Still when the reality hit the thought,

I’d care

And you won’t.

I create, don’t hate.

I create and create,

They think I hate,

That must be some anger

For the numbing tragedies of my fate

Whereas I know only how to love

I am profoundly peaceful to others

Though you might hold its symbol dove.

To the reader.

Whosoever is reading this,

Whosoever is feeling over-whelmed,

I own my feelings,

I am into an emotion,

I am very strong

I have loved with devotion,

If it irritates you or makes you feel over-whelmed,

I am not sorry for that,

Maybe more than me,

You need to have caution,

For I have lived

What you have just read

If you cannot bear that

You think I can stop my flow in its motion??

I feel things not once in a while

Just like you

That resides in me that humanly emotional sanity,

In case you have other world view,

Still don’t look at my feelings as profanity.

Lost in you..

As much as I hate to say this,

I’d love to feel lost,

Not lost in misery,

Not lost in your absence,

But lost in you and our love.

No Regrets..

In the end, I have no regrets,

I did what I could do,

I felt what I could feel,

I expressed what I could,

I behaved how it was allowed,

Now it’s my time to heal.

What they hear..

Did I say it out loud

Or didn’t I say it loud enough??

The question is not how you said it

Still the answer lies in what somebody heard in it.

You can pour your heart out for years-

Singing, rhyming, reciting poetry,

Making public displays of affection,

But the one who doesn’t want to feel it,

Will find it merely a noise to the ears.

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