Examples of Manipulation by a Narcissist.

Examples when Narcissistic manipulation can be felt:

-The narc first discards you for loving them too much, and when you move or are trying to move on, they almost beg to enter your life again.

-You do either this or that, the narc has a problem with you both the times. For example, you are ambitious and work on your goals, the narc accuses you of being self-centered and not invested in the narc or the relationship whereas when you have no goals to chase for the time being, the narc considers you ‘not good enough’, ‘lazy’, etc. and triangulates you with other people who are ambitious to look down upon you.

-Narc is envious of you but ‘acts’ like a motivator when you cannot do well in life, but the time you start functioning normal, the narc’s jealousy starts coming to the fore.

-Narc doesn’t want you but also doesn’t want you to want someone else.

-Narc wants you but only till he gets another supply, then the blame of everything going wrong shifts on you, the wrong that actually is being done by the narc or is inherently present in the narc.

-The narc mostly wants you to improve ‘only in words’ and for only that amount of time you are enhancing his social image or self-image. The moment he knows you are doing it for yourself, all hell lets loose and lashing out begins out of the blue.

-Narc is your well-wisher only till the time you are acting or talking against someone or something he hates.

-Narc’s principles are for you, not for him to follow. For example, if you start liking someone else than the narc, you are disloyal and a piece of shit while you both were not committed, but if he starts liking someone else and you both were not committed, it’s his choice and liberty to do anything he wants to do. Another example, if you get angry at him or someone else, you are evil whereas if he gets angry at you or someone else, you or that person deserves it, no other explanation.

-Narc will support you with a hidden agenda. The agenda can be as simple and as complex as boosting one’s (his) ego that he is altruistic, although the support will not be there because you need it, but purely because it’s the narc’s need to feel meaningful in his own eyes, whereas any time you would have actually needed the narc, he would be absent or indifferent to your needs.

-Narc will always abuse you through means which other people cannot recognize and publically will always say that he never abused anyone. Either the narc doesn’t know what abuse actually means or he is just hiding it. Mostly the case is the latter because he is always the innocent and benevolent one in front of the people else than the target of abuse.

-Narc tries to intimidate his target, even though he fails at it, he tries over and over again, and when he knows that the target cannot be intimidated, he tries to be in the good books of the target itself because he wants the strong one to either be weak in front of him or be in his team.

-Narc wants to control someone, either physically, mentally or emotionally. Emotional control over a person is the best feeling for any narc because a narc is devoid of having healthy and rational emotions. Yep. Rational emotions exist. His emotions are most of the times born out of his evil mind and a lack of controlling or regulating his own thoughts and a failure in controlling others’ or his particular target’s emotions.

To a known narcissist.

How poor in karma one has to be

that you are eaten up by your own envy

trying to get me under your control

each time failing miserably

and then trying to be god

to someone n anyone who has the same ill-will against me

to make them stand in competition

despite knowing fully what it entails to you in the end

it’s nothing

yet your ego binge eats on my life

by being obnoxiously competitive burning with envy

still failing

staying in your incurable narcissistic misery.

Do Narcissists VENT?

I love it when narcissists Vent openly on social media, for a small fraction of time, it feels like tables have turned. The way the victims want to talk their heart out, wanting others to know what they are going through or have gone through, and still being unable to let it all out because the intensity of the abuse they feel is unmatched with any words or any expression of it, it finally feels, that the relentless banter or the self-expression or uncontrolled trail of arguments by the narcissists against the psychologists or against the people who want to enlighten others against narcissism and bullying, is the way of narcissists for venting it all out about what they have or had gone through.

But.. Let me clear this. It’s a HOAX. Narcissists never vent. They do not have that much emotional depth in them. They do not think straight about how others may or may not feel about them. Actually, narcissists have nothing to do with what effect they may have upon anyone because of their actions. They love to abuse secretly. All of their so-called venting out is just a form of manipulation, the manipulation for everyone to see how bad or evil is a psychologist who has been making innocent people aware of the nature of a narcissist, and the trial of manipulation of the psychologist himself/herself so that they may think that the narc is innocent. So, narcissists do not truly vent regarding the real implication of the word, they just make it look like venting to gather attention and divert others’ attention from the real venting of the victim(s).

Low vibing narc.

Not in the mood of fighting

I have got a dope ass vibe,

You are such a narcissist who tries to tame me

Find your negative nosy tribe.

Very proudly, the difference is certain.

I can say this with full confidence that there are more than 15 people who have grave enmity and envy towards me for no reason else than I am being myself and pick myself up from anything that they never could do for themselves, people whom I don’t even consider existent now and whom I helped the time(s) when nobody else did and to whom I was kind to when nobody else was. But here lies the difference between low-vibing fake ones and high-vibing someone.

(From 31st march,2021)

You cannot survive a fight with me,

Get lost and protect your weak ass.

Robbing the veracity of victim’s truth. Tactics of a narc-part-3

“You are not sounding good.”

“You are miserable.”

“You cannot live peacefully.”

“You have inner work to do and improve upon what you say.”

“You are bitter.”

“You know only fight.”

“Spare me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Leave me alone. I don’t want to listen to you.”

“ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS CONSIDER YOU MAD.”

A few responses of a narcissist when you begin to speak your truth; because when you do not share anything to anyone, the narcissist has an upper hand over you as he can tell anything to anyone about you, about your relationship with the narc, and your relation with others. It’s quite easy to brainwash others when you stay silent. When you begin to share your side of the story, that is the time when the narc pulls this kind of tactics to break you, shun you and silence your voice. It will never be done with facts. It will always be done with emotionally and socially acceptable manipulation in which your behavioural standard is first of all lowered down by getting a reaction out of you after giving you sly remarks on your work, ethics, behaviour, character etc. about which nobody or very few people (narc’s joinders) know, and when your behaviour comes out as sometimes socially unacceptable, then the narc uses this kind of manipulation to demean you and to lower the veracity of your reality in the eyes of others by showing them that there is a problem in you, not in the narc.

Always remember that the one telling the truth in a dynamic with a narc always sounds crazy, and it’s easy for the narc to prove it because the victim generally stays silent for a very long time due to various reasons (which I will discuss later) and when it becomes almost impossible to hide the truth, then the emotions explode intensely which makes others feel like the victim is imbalanced and of which narc always takes advantage.

How can you know who is lying here??

Ask for the explanation in details about the reality of each side from each side. Most often, the narc will reply with “I don’t know” or “I am wrong. I accept that. Please leave me alone.” or “She/he is crazy.” Or “I have better things to do. She/he needs help.” This kind of responses are given because the narc never has clarity of thought and those (narcs) who have, they have planned every step on how to bind the other person in a mental loop of abusive action and intense reaction. The explanation will never be factual from the narc’s side, mostly emotional, with distorted facts involving mostly the blame game or pity party.

Victim feels attacked for years and stays silent but when finally reacts, is considered insane, bitter, or narc and all the time when the victim stays silent, staying away from people due to depression or anxiety or paranoia that anybody can be an acquaintance of the narc, then the victim is considered self-centered and selfish (again the blame game).

My advice here is that, if you ever feel abused mentally or emotionally, do not stay silent about it. Talk about it to somebody trustworthy, and never to anyone in common relation to you and the narc. The more you will delay the reactions, the more you will sound crazy because at some point other people will also think that why you did not say anything at the time of abuse, and then you cannot explain enough.

How to recognise a narc and reduce his influence.

A narcissist always thinks that he is a very influential person, specially in the life of somebody, whom he has been trying to manipulate. But it’s all in the narc’s mind. If you are not mentally strong, then you might get influenced and manipulated, and begin to think how and what the narc wants to show you about yourself, both positive and negative, depending upon his wish and demanding circumstances. One thing to keep in mind is that it is very rare when a narc does something good to the other person that nobody gets to know about. Generally, at least one person knows what ‘good deed’ the narc is doing, so that that person can back up the narc’s innocense and goodness whenever it may require in the future and those good deeds will be related to the person whom he has been manipulating or trying to manipulate secretly. You will really feel something creepy about a comment coming out of nowhere. That in a way gives a shock to the person’s psyche if that person is not well educated in this topic. The more the shocks with such instances, the easier it is to confuse that person. But if you are strong minded and know who you are, you may get shocked for a while but will return back to your normal pretty soon knowing that it’s just a technique of projection or maybe pure hatred or jealousy for you. Also, keep this in mind that if the narc is well educated in this topic, then it is highly difficult to point out at his techniques because the narc generally can easily prove his controlled group that the victim is the narc and is projecting it onto him. In short, the narc makes victim the narc.

So, how to recognize who is actually the narc and what to do about it??

1. Do not trust anyone easily. Observe the behaviour closely. Always keep the proof whenever anything suspicious happens like a hateful comment or gesture. Getting or keeping proof is not feasible always because you cannot measure anyone’s actions towards you all the time. Just be alert after ignoring such instances a couple of times, and then either take screenshots, if it’s happened online or drive somebody’s attention instantly towards that person if it happens through gestures.

2. Talk about it. Talk about it, even if you think that it is only your doubt. Somebody else may be knowing better about your situation. Take professional help if it goes out of control i.e. if it has begun putting stake at your mental proper functioning.

3. Know yourself and stay assertive about it. If you don’t know yourself, your general and specific traits and behaviour generally and particularly then it is very easy to brain-wash you into judging yourself as the narc wants you to see yourself. Know yourself really well. Do not take either praise nor criticism to your heart and head easily. Do not give the narc the satisfaction that his action affected you otherwise it will surely repeat. If you can get swayed with praises, you can get shocked with criticism, and a narc always praise you a lot in the beginning phases of interaction to put you on a padestal so that when he discards you he can shock you with his criticism all along, and in such a condition, you won’t be able to believe yourself and would rather believe the narc’s criticism because once he had put you on a padestal, with a doubtful thinking that maybe he is right and you must have done something wrong that you could not infer. Be assertive about your truth. Preferably, keep a journal about the doubtful person’s actions too.

4. Try to run away from the ‘Testing situations’. A narc will always try to test you in front of others. You will realise that it will happen in the set created by the narc, be it online or in real. There will be somebody or some people reading your conversation or (in real) watch your actions. It will sound very casual to those people. But the narc knows that he is testing you. He will ask you questions that only he knows that are going to put you in trouble or going to create a doubt about you in some sense. That motive is also known only to the narc or maybe one or two close allies (called flying monkeys in psychology). Always remember that the set has been created by the narc and if you are not having anyone on your side, then you have to leave the situation as soon as possible rather than proving your point because in other words, the victim does not need to prove a crime to the criminal and his accomplices, the victim needs to run away from the situation to get the help from the right people. Never try to prove the narcissism of the narc to the narc, because first of all, a narcissist does not see any fault in his behaviour, so he may say that you are projecting your insecurities onto him. And, even if he becomes apologetic about an obvious wrong behaviour, it may again happen to you in a different setting and after an interval of time but you will know that the same thing is happening to you. Actually, the narc does not change his ways; he just changes people and situations and settings and time (victims as well).

5. Ignore as much as you can. It is also possible that that person is not a narc, and is just another occasional or chronically toxic person. Some toxic empaths also behave like a narc. You need to ignore this kind of behaviour for a few times in the beginning, while still confiding about it to somebody highly trustworthy. And secondly, when everything is said and done, it is your neccessity to ignore the narc completely if that person is still bothering you or interfering in your life. If your life is getting influenced because of any kind of manipulation, then call out, otherwise keep it in mind that when that person becomes meaningless for you, that person’s actions also become meaningless.

Gaslighting.

A narcissist will always give you ultimatums and judgements about your isolation from others(in case he has already discarded you, otherwise the ultimatum will be about leaving you). For example, saying things like “You will be left alone in the end and nobody is going to love you”, etc. etc. A narc thinks that he has become god and whatever he’d say or wish, will happen. And he does so in a way and from that place from where nobody else than you and him can know about it, so that when you talk about it to a third person he can say that you are just suspicious. This is referred to as Gaslighting. Watch the movie ‘Gaslight’ if you don’t like to read much. It has been depicted in that movie quite well. This is basically to weaken somebody’s mental strength, so that one begins to doubt himself/herself and ultimately the narc can take advantage of it and make the victim his puppet.

Toxic people and their delusion.

Toxic people live in so much of delusion that if you know what they are doing or you try to know to save yourself or somebody else from their toxicity, then they make you or try to make you feel like the culprit. It’s like a criminal blaming the police for making an investigation against the crime to know the identity of the criminal. Truly, this kind of psychopathy has no end or cure. It can only be controlled, that too, only if the toxic person(s) wants to improve upon himself, which actually is very rare. If toxic people can improve upon their nature, then it means that they have to know their reality first, about which they are really paranoid because it may lead them to expose their own hidden weaknesses to their conscious mind, which is generally unlikely to happen on its own. They just don’t know that they are wrong about something or they know but do not want to admit it. Again, fear of exposure of their personality’s weaknesses is the reason. Where a normal person tries to find out his/her weaknesses and tries to improve upon them or take help, professional or otherwise, toxic people always hesitate from taking professional psychological help; they always think that their behaviour is casual or normal, which is far from the truth and thus delusional.

Toxic people’s basic strategy applicable to various situations:

Take the garbage- Wrap it up- Place it out of anyone’s reach- Act like it does not exist.

But, it exists ! The garbage is there. Sooner or later, it begins to stink and either the toxic person begins to get irritated because of it or somebody else begins to smell it. That smell is the subliminal cues or red flags. Until it is known to somebody else, the toxic person begins to get irritated of that (his own psyche), and needs somebody to blame for it. That is why it is highly likely that toxic people cannot live alone for a long period of time. They are always needy.

(That begins the new topic of neediness that I do not want to talk about in this post.)

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