SHALLOW WATERS

Trying to find the depth of love,

I fell into shallow waters.

(9th feb, 2020)

MY FATHER πŸ’œ

You were not the shine,

You were the light

It’s your teachings and behaviour

That have guided me to choose the right

Whether in humanity, love, or fight,

You will always remain with me and inside of me,

With my every breath

I will keep missing

the smiling face

and beautiful presence of thee.

[HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALLπŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ˜‡]

(21st june, 2020)

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PAPA β€

Despite a few disappointments, you are still the undisputed king of my life, who loved me the most from amongst all the people I know, till date.

You provided us with every single thing we could ask for, Specially for me as I was never a demanding kid but you gave me everything without even me asking.

Your principles and philosophy are something I still hold close to my heart and abide by them because they are so humane as well as practical. The path you gave me for my career is something I think was and is always the best one for me.

I really cannot thank you enough for being an amazing friend, philosopher and guide and being there whenever I needed to be protected from anyone, be it from any family member or any outsider, and for making me stronger than I could myself be or anyone else could make me. You were a good balance of strictness and gentleness that any mature person could ask for in a parent. I still remember your words “Life is very tough out there. You have to ace being uncomfortable and tough” AND “even if everyone is doing it, you don’t have to do what everyone is doing. You are not them.”

I just wish you would have stayed much longer. I really needed you. I miss you all the time.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY,PAPA ❀

(First published on 20th June, 2021)

Personal view-point on a widely used quotation.

This is one of a few quotes that really irritate me.

First of all, quotes are some statements made by different people based on their personal view-points, opinions, situations and life in general. Like one size does not fit all, one quotation cannot be true completely or suit all.

Secondly, quotations are mostly one-liners or a paragraph which are generally not backed up by an explanation on why they have been written, so, they create a lot of misunderstandings about their exact meaning. Like digit 6 can be read as 9 when inversed or when read by two people standing in opposite directions, the same goes with such quotations.

Thirdly, coming to this particular quotation, it is not even a quotation as such. It is just a line, from a novel which I am sure is beautifully written and, must have it’s backing in the novel itself. This quote actually refers to one’s potential in relationships. Here, the word ‘potential’ means how a person is thought to be behaving in the future by a person who has been seeking that first mentioned person as a partner considering his/her probable qualities to come to the fore in the expecting person’s view-point. It has not talked about the general potential of anybody as a person outside from the expectation of a relationship.

Fourthly, considering it even as an expected potential in a person about his/her qualities regarding relationship, it sounds a demeaning quote that says that one ‘has to date their reality’. Here, what if somebody does not even know one’s reality? What if one person’s own judgement is wrong about the outer world in general because of their internal biases? Be it in relationships or otherwise, if one person cannnot accept other’s flaws, then that person really does not deserve anyone to be with them when they themself show their own flaws. And, nobody is flawless.

Last but not the least, this line is actually meaning to reiterate to somebody that whom they like actually currently does not deserve them and that person should not let his/her good view-point about that person over-power what that person is actually showing them (which can actually be bad traits).

I get irritated with quotes because of their incapacity to make things clear due to lack of explanation, desire to create more of confusions, and still pressing them upon others as something of eternal value.

(1st March, 2020)

Heart and mind talking to you..

When you get a classy, sassy, loving yet a bit bad assy, with a lot of sexual appeal n fantasies, mind deep enough to drown you, and soul dope AF, trying to give you everything material and abstract, love, attention, affection, assurance, trust, friendship, loyalty, encouragement, empowerment and a secure future….

And you still want to stumble upon literally anyone willing to provide you not even half and sometimes nothing…

What should I take it as?? A SIGN??

Should I look for some temporary pleasure??

Let me tell you, my love is unconditional but access to me cannot be. I find it insulting and confusing when I express my true feelings and intentions to you, you tend to run away, and when I try to move you, you come back and try to chase, still not knowing what you want..

Try something different this time. Let me handle you this time my way. Try to let me be vulnerable with you. Try to calm down into the peace of your soul. Try to just stay.

I mean to share my life with you. I mean to grow with you. You can have your space. I also need my own. You can grow individually, we can grow together. You will never lose your realness with me, I promise, I never intend to control. Two completely free souls connected treading towards something beautiful, rising in every sphere of life rapidly and with breaks in between, that’s what I want with you.. I know you are a freedom lover.. So I am.. I know how exhausting it is to be controlled by anyone in any way and you hate it honestly.. But there are many things that I can’t write here, they are too personal to share openly. So, I just want you to open up your own heart towards it and then see what we can be.

(Published on 5th March, 2021)

Interception for self..

When your heart shatters into a zillion pieces,

When it still doesn’t make any noise to the outside world,

When you can’t hear your own screams,

When you silently own every single broken piece in your existence’s hold,

Know that there will be someone who will make it easy for you;

Someone will make easy the love for you,

The love you give and their love for you,

Someone will make the life easy for you,

The way you want to live it,

doing the things you love to do,

Someone will make it easy for you to smile,

The real unfiltered blooming out of innate happiness they give to you,

And until you meet that special someone

Cherish everything that you are

Find depth in your hollowed heart

Find solace in your solitude

Find heights increasing in your strength

For living alone this way is truly an art.

(First published on 17th jan, 2021 on my other website http://www.yourchoicestlifestyle.com )

Wandering and wondering in darkness..

Is it only me or is there anyone else who just start imagining sexual scenarios wherever there is darkness on the road??

In the dim lights gleaming from far away

Like the twinkling starlit night on the ground

I commence imagining scenarios ecstatic

By my side only you to be found,

And once a while

Stopping by the side of a lane

Giving in to, for a split second, our feelings insane

I urge your closeness closer than ever

Our nerves thumping with the rush of lust and love

Like we tasted each-other before this never

The moments of bliss like serendipity then follow

We fill our one soul so profound

Leaving nothing in us that is left hollow.

(First published on 28th feb, 21)

A LETTER TO MY FATHER..

Dearest and The Best Papa,

I wish so badly that you were still here. You were such a great guide to me, A guide, friend and philosopher; and such a beautiful human being, so helpful, knowledgeable, intelligent, disciplinarian, understanding, selfless and humble and most of all, an examplary father. I cannot praise you enough. I tried to imbibe a lot of your traits, though unsuccessfully. You are still an epitome of strength to me and your absence will always feel like a big hollow in my heart and void in my soul. Surely, we are connected by soul but your humanly wisdom is what I miss a lot and most of all, your quite presence that always encouraged me to do better n better every single time I looked at you. You were my inspiration. Despite having so many hardships in life, you always had a smile on your face, depth in your eyes and hustle in your body and mind and not giving up in your spirit. I used to gain strength just after having a look at you, and if not that, you used to push me to do better and never give up. I know life was not fair to you. It never was till your last breath. Also, I want to apologize to you for not standing upto the mark.

I can never forget the day when I did not have the book during one of my last semester exams ‘law and medicine’, you did not let me know that you were out there in the markets of mumbai walking here and there for hours under the scorching heat, despite having cancer, not having eaten anything whole day, just to find that one book that was unavailable. That day I felt so helpless because I knew you’d do anything for me and I was never doing enough for you. I still feel helpless for that reason that I could never do anything good enough for you except studying, and I know that you also wanted me to do that but the responsibilities any child can take for his/her parents I could never take that. The time I could do that, you died; and that will always feel like a big incapacity on my part.

The thing you wanted the most for me, because I wanted that, I am quitting on that too. I guess, you will understand that too but I wish you were here to guide me better, I am sorry I am being selfish here but I really need you. I miss you so much that I cannot describe it in words. Sometimes I even feel like dying just to meet you. But I will try to be happy because I know you are always around and it makes you happy too, and it’s going to take long for us to meet in the same realm. Nobody can understand me better than you, I can say that without a doubt, we had silent agreements and logical disagreements. Many people say that I am just like you, I feel proud to listen to that but I am nothing near to you, some of your friends even called you a saint, I wish you could know (I think you heard them) and I cannot agree more.

In the end, I only want to say that I got blessed with a father like you and got cursed with your absence, but truly, you have been the best person I have even known. I wish I could tell you all this when you were alive but I know that you know what and how I feel about you and I wish we could spend this day together for several more years.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. ❀

-Your proud daughter.

Locked forever..

As much as I am trying to liberate my mind,

I am still locking the truths of my heart.

(16th Oct, 2020)

My kind of man..πŸ’œ

The kind of man who looks like he is gonna eat you up whole in one go but behaves like he is gonna respect you for the rest of your life…..

(17th dec, 2020)

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