WHERE ARE THE BOUNDARIES??

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When I wanted to get clicked wearing this set of clothes, I could see a huge disappointment and panic on my bua (paternal aunt’s) face. I guided her how to to click this picture (the exact place where she had to keep the mobile in hand) and just tap on the button. She was hugely annoyed to even look at me, spare clicking the picture. I asked her “what happened” although I was known to the answer already. She said “from where have you learnt wearing these clothes and clicking these pictures??” to which I replied that these days many people wear them. There’s nothing wrong in them. They are casual clothes. She went a step further and said, “nobody cultured wear this. Only sex workers/sluts wear this, that too, not from India, negros wear this.”

If I was dealing with her 3-4 years ago and listened to these words, I would have left the house (saying this very seriously as I had tried once in 4 years ago), but now, having her as a responsibility to me, I cannot do that or even think about that. Instead, I said, “You are very backward, biased and narrow-minded. Look around you, and see how much the world has progressed from this backward mentality” and then carried on with sharing the picture on instagram. After that, she was like “you are ruining your dead father’s name. You do this kind of stuff. (Mare hoye peu da naam khraab kri ja ese kamm kar kar ke)” I think this was quite a big another trigger for me usually, but I am glad that I still kept my cool and told her “nothing like that happens. You are over-reacting for no reason and anyways, he’d tell me in my dream if he’d be disappointed. And I am an adult, you have no right to question what I wear and what I share anywhere.” Seriously, she was still looking at me like I did some crime, although she had been saying utter bullshit all the while. She went onto saying “I never prohibited you from wearing anything or meeting anyone.” Well, that was quite a LIE. She always panics whenever I go onto meeting any person. She even used to panic when I met a female friend, meeting a male friend or going on a date was like making her understand the whole idea of the meeting, details in advance and repeatedly telling her “it’s just a meeting. You must be thinking I am going to have sex.” because it was always about my father’s reputation according to her; and honestly, it was never that she let me wear anything I wanted, it was always a hell lot of drama from her side about my clothes (uptil my good age of 24 years she even had a problem with me using any kind of make-up). Soooo, again, I kept my cool and told her “see, you just made a big issue out of my clothes right now and you never let me meet anyone peacefully ever, you always did fight about that. Just accept that you are socially backward, not cultured or traditional and stop thinking that I won’t do what I want to do.”

The point: Sometimes what you see is not true. The one who seems rude has become so when that person had no other option left and the one who seems to be very protective and caring is just an immature energy vampire who sucks on the mind and energy of that ‘rude one’ without any limit making that person to react really rude or cruel as a result. Some people, be it a family member or a friend or an outsider break one’s boundaries way too much just because that person made them comfortable in doing so, by not standing up for one’s own rights. I did that a lot in my childhood, adolescense and adulthood as well. I always thought about the comfort of my family, their wishes about how I should have lived, just so that they could not have any mental or emotional issue because of me. BUT I realised over time that I made them way too comfortable in interfering in my life. Initially, I used to get triggered badly by such comments from them, but I am glad that I learnt handling the situation, calmly, over time.

Honestly, I am feeling guilty sharing this because it feels like I am bringing my family’s issues here on a platform where people do not need to know about it but on the other hand, I think and feel that it is crucial to share such incidents. I used to be held back, depressed and not myself for years because of such nagging, controlling and biased behaviour of my own family members, and never shared a thought with anyone faking it that everything was perfect whatever was happening and how-so-ever I was being treated.

It does not mean that they don’t love me. They can even die for me if the need arises, to save me, but, the main problem is that they never let me live either. I never feel mentally, emotionally and socially content and safe. I have become really tough and walled because of strong boundaries, but I really feel that just in case, they had gotten some counselling from an outsider professional, they might have had a better mindset and behaviour, that could as a result let them and me live freely without any fight on very menial and personal stuff like make-up, clothing, and being social.

WTF?

Some people be really dragging me as a variable in their life for feeling happy, sad or angry.. WTF do you want?? Can’t you feel anything about yourself or your life?? Why am I being reached for no reason?? Come on.. Stop it now..!! It seems like we were in relationship n just broke up.. WHAT THE HELL is that when I don’t even know you?? Stop stalking for god’s sake..This shit be getting under my skin now. Why am I supposed to answer to something meaningless just because you need attention?? Why don’t you just leave??

I am not finding any alternative than ignoring as clear communication doesn’t work with you.

Never a misunderstanding.

Some unfaithful and cheating men/women be like “you/they don’t understand me.”

“We, the stable minded people, do understand you Baby Girl/Baby Boy. We understand what you are doing. We understand that you do not have the maturity in you. We understand that you do not have good self-control and we do understand that you are just trying to play with other people’s minds and emotions dependent upon your own fickle-mindedness and selfishness. Believe me, we do understand you really well.”

Personal view-point on a widely used quotation.

This is one of a few quotes that really irritate me.

First of all, quotes are some statements made by different people based on their personal view-points, opinions, situations and life in general. Like one size does not fit all, one quotation cannot be true completely or suit all.

Secondly, quotations are mostly one-liners or a paragraph which are generally not backed up by an explanation on why they have been written, so, they create a lot of misunderstandings about their exact meaning. Like digit 6 can be read as 9 when inversed or when read by two people standing in opposite directions, the same goes with such quotations.

Thirdly, coming to this particular quotation, it is not even a quotation as such. It is just a line, from a novel which I am sure is beautifully written and, must have it’s backing in the novel itself. This quote actually refers to one’s potential in relationships. Here, the word ‘potential’ means how a person is thought to be behaving in the future by a person who has been seeking that first mentioned person as a partner considering his/her probable qualities to come to the fore in the expecting person’s view-point. It has not talked about the general potential of anybody as a person outside from the expectation of a relationship.

Fourthly, considering it even as an expected potential in a person about his/her qualities regarding relationship, it sounds a demeaning quote that says that one ‘has to date their reality’. Here, what if somebody does not even know one’s reality? What if one person’s own judgement is wrong about the outer world in general because of their internal biases? Be it in relationships or otherwise, if one person cannnot accept other’s flaws, then that person really does not deserve anyone to be with them when they themself show their own flaws. And, nobody is flawless.

Last but not the least, this line is actually meaning to reiterate to somebody that whom they like actually currently does not deserve them and that person should not let his/her good view-point about that person over-power what that person is actually showing them (which can actually be bad traits).

I get irritated with quotes because of their incapacity to make things clear due to lack of explanation, capacity to create more of confusions, and still pressing them upon others as something of eternal value.

(JUST AN OPINION).