It’s okay if you go crazy after a couple of day over and over again. Your mental illness needs to be addressed. You do not need to fake anything just to look like the stable one. People have your back and you know that, right? You need to share everything wrong you did in the past with a psychotherapist because you or any of your friends may not be a professional, so, won’t be of much help to you. Also, avoid talking to a personally known therapist, you may again fake everything. It’s crucial to be authentic while releasing the past from the mind.
I have to write this here because you have been giving me hints of your craziness indirectly. Or you may talk directly to me about your issue if you do not want me to write here.