Why do I find it so difficult to be happy. I struggle not because something is wrong, I struggle because I am afraid to be happy because whenever my hopes rise, I fall down again so badly, be it in any sphere of my life. Even if I feel everything is getting better, I begin to feel anxious, being uncertain about the outcome is some other level in that. Everything that has to happen will unfold in its own way, that’s the universal flow but I am always confused whether to go with it or not. Things are falling at the right place but my fear or anticipation of something wrong to happen eats me up. Why can’t I live normally. Watching my love, family and friends happy brings me so much of joy. Also, whenever I am on my own I am so much at peace. It’s only when I think about being dependent on somebody for my happiness is when this fear arrives, I feel like they will leave and that happiness will vanish soon. Also, I feel guilty of being happy, I don’t know why. Sometimes, I feel like I manifest my own unhappiness in relation to others, though I really want to be completely in connection with someone. “What can I do to get out of this ‘loner’s syndrome’? the term I have just thought of..” “Why is it that I am at my mental best when I am at my emotional worst and at my mental worst when I am at my emotional best??” Seems like I am my own enemy.